To think you don’t ask for a present of this value…

[Ruderequest]

I’m annoyed, possibly irrationally so and need talking down.

DH was stuck for ideas for his grandma’s husband’s birthday (in his 70s, younger than her) and so asked for some present inspiration from her. Today arrives a large bottle of aftershave from the Amazon delivery guy. I searched for it on Amazon and see it’s priced between £70-80.

I’m really cross. They are not that close, we see them maybe twice a year and they are very well off indeed but have never helped us out when we have been struggling in the past. I’d never spend this on a relative’s birthday and if I was going to I would discuss it with DH. We have just fixed at a ridiculously high (5%) mortgage rate and we have a baby on the way soon. We’ve never really needed to watch the cash and as such have never had a present budget but we do need one now as my maternity pay is not going to be great and we’re both trying to save as much as possible, which has been a common understanding for months now.

I’m also annoyed at his grandma for having little concept of cost?

Prepared to be told AIBU but how is best to approach this without conflict? I don’t want to argue, I’m just stressed as to me every penny counts.

I asked my daughter last week if she had a preference for a big birthday coming up. She sent me a link to some perfume - the website showed £170. That was the way it was displayed, but when I clicked on it and looked properly it was the largest size ( you’d have to be drenching yourself in it daily ) first with smaller and cheaper versions listed below, so I’ve got a more reasonably sized and priced one. We’ve talked before about her preferring smaller, more portable sized that aren’t going to go off if not frequently used - she likes to have a variety.

Maybe that’s what happened - the website showed the most expensive size prominently, and that’s not necessarily what the grandmother intended.

So Grandma didn’t ask for a £70 bottle of aftershave she asked for one that costs less than half that. Then your DH chooses to spend more than twice the amount he needs to, yet you come on her and complain about Grandma? I think you need to look a bit closer to home for the problem.

Just be honest- sorry that’s out of our budget for now. I was thinking of spending £20-£30 so is there anything we can get within that range.

Oh here we go. Bash those who scraped money together to buy a house in the 1980s and 1990s. Yes, prices were lower but salaries were much lower.

I could have bought a poky flat in a shitty area for less than 15K but I was earning £5K at the time. When interest rates shot up, I'd have been stuffed.

This is ridiculous, all the metrics show it’s harder to afford a house now, and I’m an oldie so do remember.

I would send the 200 ml one back and buy the 110 ml one instead. Why on earth your DH order the bigger size is a mystery still to solve I guess.

I would definitely be very 🤔and someone, other than DC, requesting/suggesting a £70 gift and I am fairly well off - and I certainly wouldn't ask for one!

Assume that grandma has no idea how much it costs/assumed it was around £20/meant the smaller size.

My DH would just press the button without thinking, too.

YABVU for thinking a mortgage rate of 5% is ridiculously high… the average BOE base rate since 1971 is over 7%

Somewhat missing the point, but - you think a 5% mortgage is a high rate? Crikey. Until 2008 the rate was always above 5% and rates are still on the rise.

I think your issue is with your husband, not his gran.

It's not kept pace, and also we're forced to lock away a lot more into schemes so we can pay for your generation's massively high pensions.

OP YABVU to blame the gran. Blame your idiot husband. It's common for perfumes to come in a smaller cheaper version, he splurged.

Tell him to send it back. Budgets only work if everyone's on board

So the issue here actually is you have different priorities for the money you have, not that you don’t have the money. He is obviously happy spending that on the gift. As he has done so. If you have completely shared accounts did you not see the money going out? Would it not have been an issue if he had spent it on himself for example? Was it just because you opened the parcel it’s irritated you?

I just can’t imagine telling DH how much he could spend on a present for someone rise but I do trust him to be financially responsible over all for us when spending.

It's not been as high as 7% in the last 25 years, so most people under 50 only ever knew low mortgage interest rates until Liz Truss got involved.

Also it's not even his grandma. Her husband. So not his grandfather?
Seriously he could've just gotten some standard man present for a tenner

Who wants a 200m bottle? thats huge

Women use aftershave? You sure he didn't buy it for himself?

WHOOPS edit: reading it twice I still only saw 'grandma' but on a third read i noticed 'husband' after it

I'm i'd be annoyed with your DH not Granny.

This. I don't know why other people find it so hard to admit that for most people, it was easier to buy a house then than it is now.

@TinkerTiger , OP's DH asked his Gran what her husband wanted for his birthday - the present was for the step-Granddad

Indeed you didn't - adjusted for inflation you earned quite a lot more than people do now.

So why are you annoyed at his grandma? It was him that bought the big bottle, she might have meant the small one (or might not even have realised the cost/ might not have been able to think of anything else).

It's communication between you and your DH that is the problem here.

yes I noticed after and edited my post! Was really confused for a minute

Because then they would have to admit that it wasn't actually all down to their own hard work, skill and brilliant choices that they were able to buy a property that then rocketed in value without them having to do anything.

It may be better to keep the joint bank account for genuinely joint spending, and have separate accounts for your own spending on stuff like this. You can both do what you like, then. It’ll put a stop to quarrels like this.

Are you seriously suggesting that mortgages/ house prices were worse in any way in the 80's than they are now? Have you been living under a rock?