Work experience and DD with men

[22FrustatedUser]

Sense check please.

DD is doing work experience, had to go for an interview for it several months ago, she was asked some very basic questions about them. All went well and work experience offered.

Office is small with 4 members of staff, sometimes volunteers in there as well (small charity) - only one woman.

H is very protective of DD and started to say he was uncomfortable with her being in an office with only men around and if any visits out, a woman has to be there and not alone on her own at any point with DD in the office. To the point he was going to cancel it all "work experience has no benefit and too risky."

I have spoken to staff there, and also school (school provided a list of local employers offering places) and asked if they were enhanced DBS'd - all staff are.

DD has texted this morning and very excited to be out on a site visit (animal conservation) tmw with two men, H is not happy and wants her home or only to attend if there is a female going.

If something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.

AIBU in not being too bothered about this? They know she has her phone, there will be two adults out there and they do work experience placements each month with kids from 5 local high schools.

Well there has certainly been some character assassination done on my husband here (!).

The statistics are out there and he was just very uneasy about it, DD us a very young 15 (ASD into the mix as well) she does have a lot of age appropriate freedom for her age, she's not locked in a tower like some posters think we keep her 😁 - even down to shock horror, has a boy friend who is welcome at home.

She attended anyway, I dropped her off and did a quick intro 30 second chat and I was gone.

She thoroughly enjoyed her day, can't wait for tomorrow and we're both pleased she's had a good time.

A lot of the attidues here reflected my own regarding it, but I've done safeguard training for youngsters, he hasn't.

Indeed, it's what he's witnessed and heard other men comment on.

Some of the accusations and presumptions on here are wild about him. Fortunately DD is pretty fiesty anyway, but knows if she needs me to stand her ground something and, also very much when it's reversed, he'll back her up and I'll do the same.

But it was a success today and she'll see out the remainder of her WE happily.

”f something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.”

Firstly, as others have said, I can’t see anything wrong with two DBS checked men taking your DD out to show her what they do. Seems a great opportunity for her. But why, if anything did happen, would it be your fault?

If your H is judging based on his own standards which is usually the case I'd be having words. Your poor daughter.

I agree, I would not leave my teenage daughter or son alone with someone I barely knew myself. I get why parents are so cautious, information and advice are more readily available if needed, don't hesitate if ever unsure about anything but trust your gut as it never tends to be wrong, speak to someone you trust as soon as possible. Safeguarding is so important, knowing the signs, prevention, who to contact, looking into advice for what you can do yourself from home to limit risks. Health care communication, support and training all up to date and if working with vulnerable people, regular training and employment checks regularly done too. Abuse or neglect of any kind can happen to anyone, get advice if ever in doubt.

That’s why she’s with two people. It’s to protect them as much as ops dd.
it’s the same rules for scout leaders

All work placements for kids are risk assessed and all DBS and insurance has to be in place for it to go ahead and staff conduct visits and interviews with the placement before they deem it suitable. Your DH is going to stifle your DD if he keeps this up. Why is he so anti men? His behaviour is very controlling, dress it up as being overprotective but it’s concerning non the less. He needs to back right off and allow your DD some freedom. Is he going to be micromanaging her life every time an opportunity for her arises? You will all end up resenting him. His behaviour raises a huge red flag for me personally.

Is he always this controlling? Sounds like you're trying to down play it now by saying how he's pleased she's had a good time - as just yesterday he was going to cancel it all. Has he apologised about being an arse about her going in the first place? And how on earth would it be your fault if something went wrong? He sounds like a dick from what you've written tbf.

Where I volunteer a 15 year old girl was going to be on her own with a 21 year old male with no DBS. It took someone from HQ to point out this was unacceptable. I went in early so there were two of us as none of the staff were available. I have 3 DBS checks.

He sounds weird and old fashioned. I hope his attitude doesn't spoil things for your daughter

Have to say I am very surprised by this - how does he think she is going to be able to live her life ? I wonder if he is struggling to deal with how women can be treated now that it’s potentially going to happen to his daughter?

How has your husband reacted to male teachers in school? Going forward there are going to be male teachers in sixth form, college, uni. What then?
I think his reaction is over the top particularly when the placement is recommended by school and their staff are DBs checked.

Of course you’re being unreasonable. Why assume all men are bad? Does your daughter have appropriate help skills and communication? I’d be more worried about your husband….red flag much

They are working, monitored, have to give reports about DD. He's completely over protective, not just cautious. I'm sure that's the reason it's TWO male employees, safeguarding for her and themselves. X

Appears odd behaviour.
Consider carefully to see if he controls/micromanages other aspects of both your lives……

Brilliant, I'm so glad she got to go and had such a great time :)

Well to be fair, there hasn't been.

Even DD has said she has been on her own with one male employee, for quite a bit and off site from the office for majority of the day. But all has been fine and DD is loving it which is the main thing.

I don’t blame your husband… the things I’ve been told men have said about young girls & women is disgusting… probably male bravado but still gross!
I know teachers who describe some male teachers as making inappropriate comments, doctors who make vile comments about females they’ve examined… our car salesman told us when his DD came in one of his colleagues said ‘I would’ and he (embarrassed) said ‘she’s my 15 yr old daughter!!!
Don’t blame him for being cautious.. I mean when you hear of police men raping and murdering women it does make
you wonder who you can trust!

This is not protecting this is about control. I feel very sorry for your daughter having a father like him. Is she going to be allowed to go to university and mix on her own with new people? This frankly raises red flags about your husband than anything else

Is he so obsessed with it because he has paedophile tendencies himself?
or is abusing DD and concerned it might come out if something happens outside the home?

Good god!

Would he have the same issue if it was your son alone with a man? Boys get assaulted too after all!

At what point do you realise that life is a risk no matter your gender? Are you curtailing young boys independence too because of "done things you've been told"? Boys get assaulted too, boys get gross comments too. At what age do you decide it's ok to let them get some life experience in a setting that's as safe as you can possibly expect it to be?

Could his reaction be due to his conduct with young females in the office/workspace?
There have always been those types of men in every workplace I have worked, and years ago, you just had to learn how to dodge them or shut them up! Nowadays there is a lot more protection, so I think your DD will be fine, and it will be a great experience for her.

Your DH attitude is wholly inappropriate. Your child shouldn't be left alone with anyone but other than that their gender is irrelevant.