Work experience and DD with men

[22FrustatedUser]

Sense check please.

DD is doing work experience, had to go for an interview for it several months ago, she was asked some very basic questions about them. All went well and work experience offered.

Office is small with 4 members of staff, sometimes volunteers in there as well (small charity) - only one woman.

H is very protective of DD and started to say he was uncomfortable with her being in an office with only men around and if any visits out, a woman has to be there and not alone on her own at any point with DD in the office. To the point he was going to cancel it all "work experience has no benefit and too risky."

I have spoken to staff there, and also school (school provided a list of local employers offering places) and asked if they were enhanced DBS'd - all staff are.

DD has texted this morning and very excited to be out on a site visit (animal conservation) tmw with two men, H is not happy and wants her home or only to attend if there is a female going.

If something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.

AIBU in not being too bothered about this? They know she has her phone, there will be two adults out there and they do work experience placements each month with kids from 5 local high schools.

Still irrelevant to this girl's work experience unless you're suggesting her dad locks her away, or insists on a female chaperone everywhere she goes?

Having been involved in WE when I was teaching I know the steps that schools take to ensure their students safety during WE. Even if a student came and said they had arranged their own WE the school would be responsible to carry out the checks, including visits to the new WE provider. Placements with animals were much sought after, encourage your daughter to enjoy it!

Massively over protective is what he is and yes that's a very sexist thing, unless he'd act the same way towards a son.

Let's not forget boys are sexually abused too.

Weird and controlling. How would he treat a 16 year old woman ?

OP i would be really interested to know what else your husband does to challenge the threat by men towards women in society. Does he just deal with this by attempting to lock your DD up or is he an activist in other ways?

Your DH is a prick. What's he going to do when and if she has a boyfriend?

Exactly.

Absolutely this.

This!!!

This^

Then why does he think that men in a professional environment will be?

He needs to make it so he's approachable in the unlikely event there IS a problem

We have a young son, and I’m all too aware of that sort of thing happening to boys too, but no I wouldn’t expect a father to be as protective of a teenage son to go on WE with men. I can understand the logic of being more protective of a daughter though given that it is definitely more of a problem with men preying on teenage females rather than teenage males. IDK, I don’t think her husband is hugely sexist. Maybe slightly over protective. But also with good reason.

Where has his fear come from? Being with two adults doing their job isn't a risky situation.

I am always wary of overprotective men so I think your DH is an arse and I would be more concerned about his behaviour and motives than the DBS checked colleagues of your DD

Is this 2024? I’m just in shock.

This is a place of work, what does he think could happen? Is he aware that in everyday life there will be situations where she will be around men only? Her team at a future job could have the same composition?

I’ve spent most of my working life being the only woman in the room starting from her age, and honestly, it’s been fine. Men aren’t caged tigers, believe it or not they are people just like you and me.

You probably need to understand what his specific concerns are.

This is not normal behaviour! My 15yo DD is on work experience this week. We got it through friend of family member (we don't know him personally). I doubt anyone is DBS checked. It. Have no idea of the sex of the staff there and it never crossed my mind to check. It's a small company so only a few people. She's met the MD (no idea if make or female). She is doing a 1hr+ commute on the tube alone. DH was just very strict that she have her phone fully charged. She's very sensible and mature - you have to let them go at some point.

If he's concerned I think he should have a chat with her about what to do if her instincts are telling her someone is a creep.

She needs to learn how to try and keep herself safe rather than being stuck at home!

OP your DH is absolutely right, there is no way it’s safe for girls to be unchaperoned in the workplace with men.

In fact I’m surprised he’s comfortable with her going to school, lest she be alone with a man, perhaps it would be better if she dispensed with the idea of an education altogether?

Much better she stay safely at home, away from the male gaze, no need to even leave the house for sport or shopping.

In fact is she does have to go out, maybe for emergency medical care (if you’re quite sure you can’t manage her symptoms yourself) do make sure she’s adequately covered up so no one sees her flaunting her femaleness. And for gods sick don’t drive her there yourself, hopefully you’ve got a young son who would be capable. Certainly once they’re about 10, they’re much better placed to know what’s good for you and your DD.

I think seeing as your DD has a dad with a very dodgy misogynistic outlook, it will be a good thing for her to spend time around more reasonable adult men.

This.

And also, what idea is she going to get of men in the workplace if this is how your husband is behaving at the mere mention of them?! That they're all creeps and perverts?! Hopefully she wants a career in hair and beauty or cake baking so she can avoid them completely 🙄

I've pretty much ONLY worked in male dominated environments for 20 years and not had one issue whatsoever. You learn to be thicker skinned, stand up for yourself more and not be offended by every little thing and take a joke more easily.

My first job when I left school was as at a scientific research company and - apart from one older woman in finance - I was the only female there. All the men were lovely and actually really protective of me as most of them had young daughters themselves. I remember once having problems with an ex boyfriend who kept turning up at my workplace and some of the men went out and had a "word" with him at lunch - never saw him again 😂

Your husband is a walking red flag.

This isn't a "leap". It's a reasonable train of thought.

He needs to get used to the idea that she will soon be an adult and needs to have learned to cope in the normal adult world. You have taken all reasonable precautions by checking their background checks. His overprotectiveness is not good parenting. You should stand up to him, and let her know that it's a basically safe environment, she needs to accept and manage a minimal level of risk as an (almost) adult in order to have a normal life, and that you trust in her ability to make sensible judgements about people and situations.

It isn't, but risk must be balanced. Unless of course you think running our society along Saudi lines is a good idea.

OP, your husbands reaction isn't protective, it's controlling and creepy.

Are YOU afraid of him?
You say you will be blamed?

I am protective of my children as is my husband but this is a whole other level.

He needs telling firmly.