Work experience and DD with men

[22FrustatedUser]

Sense check please.

DD is doing work experience, had to go for an interview for it several months ago, she was asked some very basic questions about them. All went well and work experience offered.

Office is small with 4 members of staff, sometimes volunteers in there as well (small charity) - only one woman.

H is very protective of DD and started to say he was uncomfortable with her being in an office with only men around and if any visits out, a woman has to be there and not alone on her own at any point with DD in the office. To the point he was going to cancel it all "work experience has no benefit and too risky."

I have spoken to staff there, and also school (school provided a list of local employers offering places) and asked if they were enhanced DBS'd - all staff are.

DD has texted this morning and very excited to be out on a site visit (animal conservation) tmw with two men, H is not happy and wants her home or only to attend if there is a female going.

If something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.

AIBU in not being too bothered about this? They know she has her phone, there will be two adults out there and they do work experience placements each month with kids from 5 local high schools.

I dont think the employer should allow her to go out on visits with just one man, or be one to one in the office with a single male when there is no-one else there.. This is basic precaution to protect the man as much as your DD
Going out with 2 men is fine though

Mate, the OP has updated and said all is well. What is wrong with people on here!

Many years ago, in secondary school, I was sexually assaulted by a male music teacher when in a one to one situation. Luckily I was so angry that I hit him over the head with my violin and ran! However this incident got blocked out on my memory until my daughter was offered a lift to a music exam by her male teacher, when it all came flooding back.

Possibly a little bit controversial but just because people are DBS checked doesn’t mean they don’t pose a risk!

I think he may be being overly cautious but I also think it’s probably the first time that his daughter has been in this kind of environment. I would make sure your daughter feels comfortable but make sure she has ways of sharing worries if she had any?

When man are like this it reflects on their own attitude and probably behaviour towards women and girls. And how on earth would it be your fault if you daughter was exposed to anything abusive or assaulted?
Or does he actually know any if the men who work their and know that they aren't safe for your daughter to be around?
He should drop her off and collect her, that way it will be obvious to the employees that she is another man's property and not to be stolen.

Oh my god- men like your husband are honestly the biggest red flags! Have you ever considered why being so protective? How many sexual predator fathers were just seen as ‘over protective dads’ to their daughters.

Would he have the same opinion if this was a son & a female dominated work place??

Is he like this with op also? Sounds very controlling

Has something happened in his past to trigger his concerns? He sound really anxious, maybe go out somewhere neutral away from home just the two of you and talk about why he worries overly. There might be more to this than meets the eye.

Why is he so against this? Is he projecting?

I would ask him exactly what he thinks will happen and why does he think that? Does he think that he'd be inappropriate with a work experience person? Is he projecting his thoughts on to her co-workers? Because that's what it sounds like!

Is he creepy or a man who has witnessed lots of other men being slimy towards young girls? I had 2 jobs with older men as a young teenager and was sexually assaulted in both, these men had wives and families, I then worked in bars as an older teenager and was harrassed and assaulted again,

If your DH is concerned because of things he has heard other men say/do I hope he challenges them every time. He will do more to protect women that way than in trying to control his daughter.

Its not a big leap. And its usual
for people close to ‘that sort’ to think they are not . Most people are totally shocked when a family member is caught . Your husband behaviour is totally unhinged

You said if something goes wrong it would be 100% your fault, are you ok? This sounds so awful xx

Why does your husband have such a bad opinion of Men ?

Your dh needs to put his anxieties and suspicions to one side and let your dd do her thing. As you’ve mentioned, they are dbs checked and used to hosting many school children. Would he feel the same if you had a ds doing work placement in a female dominated environment? Sadly I’m guessing not! Not all men are monsters just like not all women are saints!
As a woman working in a male dominated environment I can tell you it can be hard but also so rewarding. I think it’s great that your dd has the confidence and doesn’t seem phased by being in an all male work environment. It sounds like this placement is an excellent opotunity, regardless of office dynamics, and will give her an invaluable insight into what the real world of work is like. So many placements are boring and don’t end up giving the student any real work experience.
Maybe ask your dh how he would treat a female placement student and how he’d feel if their dad was against it just because he was a man. I bet he’d treat the student with the care and respect they deserved and he would feel upset and hurt that someone was suspicious of his character.
it sounds like your dd will go far in life and I wish her luck for a fantastic placement.

No wonder employers are reluctant to offer work experience

My ex was like that with DD. Always lecturing about not getting into cars with men etc… turned out the only man she had to be afraid of was him!