Work experience and DD with men

[22FrustatedUser]

Sense check please.

DD is doing work experience, had to go for an interview for it several months ago, she was asked some very basic questions about them. All went well and work experience offered.

Office is small with 4 members of staff, sometimes volunteers in there as well (small charity) - only one woman.

H is very protective of DD and started to say he was uncomfortable with her being in an office with only men around and if any visits out, a woman has to be there and not alone on her own at any point with DD in the office. To the point he was going to cancel it all "work experience has no benefit and too risky."

I have spoken to staff there, and also school (school provided a list of local employers offering places) and asked if they were enhanced DBS'd - all staff are.

DD has texted this morning and very excited to be out on a site visit (animal conservation) tmw with two men, H is not happy and wants her home or only to attend if there is a female going.

If something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.

AIBU in not being too bothered about this? They know she has her phone, there will be two adults out there and they do work experience placements each month with kids from 5 local high schools.

I think you should get outside professional help. He isn't being protective, he is being possessive
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It’s not different, if anything a teacher has a more sustained and prolonged amount of time to groom a victim and exert power, like a sports coach. An employee at the business is highly unlikely to risk an entire career and ruin upon meeting your daughter for a single week. Logically think it through, she’s more at risk walking the street alone from opportunistic attacks than she is in a legitimate company who have been thoroughly checked with a decent record.

Your husband does realise she will likely be out the house in a few short years and off at university, or travelling etc and would be far better to be prepared and to be able to look after herself than to have been simply denied any potentially “risky” life experiences (of which he’s being ridiculous, school work experience is hardly sending her to a crack den). Is she allowed to trust any men? Does he let her be alone in a room with male relatives? Statistically they’re far more likely to cause her harm than a stranger in an office to apply his outlandish logic.

Is he the sort of man who is concerned that men will treat his daughter in the same way that he himself treats women?

Your husband is being deeply odd and I would be concerned that it says more about him and his conduct around women than anything else.

So he is being obsessive, controlling and teaching her how men should act towards women

This is revolting and dressing it up as 'but he cares' is creepy

And I also agree with other posters, most men don’t see a 15 year old girl automatically as a potential victim. Why does your husband? Probably do her some good to be around actual normal, reasonable professional men who see her as a person with interests and ambition and not an object.

You need to nip this in the bud NOW

Your DD is excited about what she'll be seeing and doing and he wants to prevent her doing it. That's messed up

And she's less likely to speak up IF something did happen if she's aware her DF thinks this way and would blame you/her rather than the perpetrators. A kind of "I can't tell them that he touched me because Dad told me I shouldn't be there and he'll only be smug and tell me he'd warned me. And he'll be mad at Mum. Better just stay quiet about it"

As others have said your husband is being very unreasonable in his estimation of risk and behaviour, it is controlling. Your daughter has done really well getting this work experience and she doesn't deserve to have it spoilt. This could really help her with what she wants to do career wise and she's really looking forward to it. I think if your husband forbids her from going then it will seriously damage their relationship.

You should show your husband the replies here so he will see how awful his behaviour is perceived by everyone (seeing as he won't listen to you). It's not normal.

I would put it to him that when she gets older and gets into a relationship you don't want her to think it's normal for her partner to have control over who she sees and that she can't work alongside men in a professional setting. So he has to let go and start trusting her instead of controlling her.

Your dh is limiting her life experiences. Unless there's a reason why your dd is extra vulnerable or has a background that would give extra context then this is ridiculous. Tbh I'd find this creepy op. There's a fine line between protective and possessive.

I think DH is being very unreasonable. I have. 13 yo DD and would be fine with this situation when she's 15/16. What does your DH think is going to happen? Yes it's sensible for girls to avoid risky situations but this really isn't one.

And this is why women's lives are so often made smaller, with fewer opportunities from day 1.

I can sympathise with your DH being a bit nervous - we're all nervous as we send our DC out into the world. And most of us are not naive enough to think that there aren't real risks. But he is being ridiculous.

I am very en guarde around safety but your DH is out of line.

super controlling and over the top here.

Your DH is being ridiculous, surely you don't need others to tell you that. It's such a sexist attitude, your DD is old enough to look after herself, and I worry his attitude is going to create a fear for her around men, which isn't given as the vast majority are nice people. What about when she has a Saturday job, is he going to turn up and vet her colleagues - ridiculous.

Bit of a leap in assumption there!

He's definitely not that sort.

Just remind him that women can also be - murders, perverts, pedophiles, abusers and well anything really. It's not just men.

This is awful. Your husband isn’t ’protective’, he’s controlling and creepy. He sounds more jealous than anxious, and it’s weird. Your DD isn’t his possession. She’s 15 years old and she’s been offered a brilliant opportunity, and he wants to take that away from her because he doesn’t want her to be near a man without a chaperone?? That’s insane.

I had a Saturday job at 15. Sometimes I was the only girl on shift. If my dad had made me give that up because he didn’t want me being around men, I’d have thought he was completely insane.

Unfortunately the dd has grown up with this attitude. She may not think her df insane.

This is such toxic masculinity on show - I feel really sad for your poor dd. Unfortunately op this is exactly how your dh thinks.

This is appalling and needs to be nipped in the bud now before he stops your DD from having a fulfilling life!.

He isn't interested in teaching your DD the skills she needs to navigate her way through the world; he is trying to prevent her stepping into it at all. This isn't something you should tolerate but its not something you can fix. You need help.

Hope your daughter never wants to work in tech or any other male dominated industry as he'll ban her from that by the sounds of things.

Crazy stuff from your husband

I’m sorry but I think it’s a reasonable question.

I am very protective of my DD and felt the same way about her work ex.

At 15 they are a bit naive and don't understand signals of danger or how to keep themselves safe.

I would suggest you have an open. Hat with your DD to explain to her how to stay safe/ keep phone location on etc, but not prevent her from having this experience.

Sounds like h need some therapy.