Work experience and DD with men

[22FrustatedUser]

Sense check please.

DD is doing work experience, had to go for an interview for it several months ago, she was asked some very basic questions about them. All went well and work experience offered.

Office is small with 4 members of staff, sometimes volunteers in there as well (small charity) - only one woman.

H is very protective of DD and started to say he was uncomfortable with her being in an office with only men around and if any visits out, a woman has to be there and not alone on her own at any point with DD in the office. To the point he was going to cancel it all "work experience has no benefit and too risky."

I have spoken to staff there, and also school (school provided a list of local employers offering places) and asked if they were enhanced DBS'd - all staff are.

DD has texted this morning and very excited to be out on a site visit (animal conservation) tmw with two men, H is not happy and wants her home or only to attend if there is a female going.

If something goes wrong, he will blame me 100% for it.

AIBU in not being too bothered about this? They know she has her phone, there will be two adults out there and they do work experience placements each month with kids from 5 local high schools.

He sounds gross. Will he be overly involved or angry when she gets a boyfriend?

You're being beyond ridiculous 🙄

Hoping she doesn't miss out on her work experience that she interviewed for and is excited about.

What exactly is he worried about happening during the week she is there?
Where does he work and what goes on there?

In daily life your Daughter will be studying with and working around men - they make up 50% of the population, after all.

Your Daughter will be with two DBS checked men - It's very unlikely that anything untoward would happen - It sounds a lovely ''work experience''.

As a teenager I had the chance {not work experience} to be with heavy horses - When Dad found out he went mad - and I wasn't allowed back when he found out about it.

The men at the Stables were very honourable with me - said which horses were safe to groom ''Not Paul as he kicks and broke a man's leg''

It was such a wonderful experience.

I really hope your Daughter is allowed to enjoy her work experience.

My mother did this to me.

i had asked to go to the local paper for journalism as a work experience placement. It was also sorted when she said no as I may end up working/travelling with men on my own and refused to sign it. I ended up in a primary school.

This was 30 years ago and it’s one of many things I have never forgiven her for.

I don't know; I'm going to go against the grain here because I do have some sympathy with your DH. Men can be absolute scumbags, and a 15 year old girl can be incredibly vulnerable. We would all like to believe that nothing bad could happen to a young girl alone with older men, but being realistic, of course it could. A dbs check means nothing. Some men actively make an effort to put themselves in work roles where they will meet 15 year old girls and have their trust.

So I don't think it's completely crazy for your DH to be concerned. However, I do think that he has to relinquish control. Women have to take risks to be part of the world, and learning what is an acceptable risk to take is an important part of growing up. Would your DH feel better if he met her after her work experience and took her home, maybe? Or dropped her off? That way he could see the setup for himself and be reassured.

Of course he can't stop her from doing her work experience. That would be completely unfair, controlling, and abusive.

He sounds a bit unhinged.

I think he's over the top as well. I will let her go.

Another tedious man who treats the women around him like his possessions

It’s unhealthy, controlling, and you need to stand up for your daughter.

..your H sounds a little abusive.
How much money has he put forward to support women only workplaces? How many companies has he started to push policies that focus on safety??

He sounds extremely unreasonable.
I'm guessing he's also a 'not all men' while also explaining how it was the victims fault for not knowing better?

The fact he is putting an impossible goal in front of you that you have no control over, and then saying if you can't achieve it you'll be in trouble?! He is extremely abusive. I'm sorry

It's highly unlikely that a school would liaise with work experience placements where the men will be hassling a teenage girl.

They will be there for the animal conservation, not the work experience students.

My Ex Husband is a music teacher, in schools and privately - He allows parents to sit in with him if they have concerns.

Safeguarding is taken very seriously nowadays, which is good.

It's really not. Otherwise, what's his problem? Does he want her world to be small and her to lack life skills?

He's not helping her prepare for adulthood, nor does he sound protective.

Then he need to speak with the school not you or DD

She’s so lucky to have a placement. They are rocking horse rare now because of the safeguarding and insurance implications.
your husband is being unreasonable he needs to prepare her for adult life, that’s what work experience is.
your husband needs the support not your dd

Fathers stopping their daughters from getting into male dominated workplaces will keep perpetuating the problem of male dominated workplaces.

It's a cycle.

I worked for years in a male dominated industry. I was alone with men often.

I learnt banter and how to communicate with men.

I have had some terrible experiences with men, none were work

Sorry but he sounds very weird about this. He needs to ease off and accept she's a young woman who needs to see the world of work a little and with 50%of the population being men not have an unhealthy fear instilled in her at this young age. Yes tell her how to manage any situation she may feel uncomfortable in but he can't helicopter parent her like this, it's going to damage her.

I'm genuinely with PP - what does he think she's going to be subject to in a professional environment on a work placement with DBS checked people?

I'd be totally suspicious that his feelings (which are very very OTT in my view and that seems to be a common opinion!) come from his own thoughts / actions.

Your "D"H is controlling at best from what you've written, he'll end up having a terrible relationship with your DD or she'll end up having a restricted life unless you challenge this sort of thinking.

He has a point though

Oh dear. Does he insist your daughter has a male chaperone everywhere she goes? Is he from a Muslim country?

Your husband is being overprotective at best and outright controlling at worst. It’s ironic that he appears not to trust men around your daughter, yet he’s the only one exhibiting toxic behaviour.

Oh dear. Does he insist your daughter has a male chaperone everywhere she goes? Is he from a Muslim country?

My thoughts here too. Is this a religious or cultural thing?

Your DH is a knob.

Reminds me of my BIL who wouldn't 'allow' his wife or very young daughters to see a male GP (for anything).

Men who worry about how other men will treat their teenage girls, be it boyfriends or colleagues etc, I always think are a bit suspect

Your husband sounds like a control freak tbh