10% of income is fair ‘rent’

[Itisneverfair]

Ds (23) lives at home and works part time. He has adhd and slight learning disabilities.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way etc as he struggles with managing money. He’s saying it’s not fair he pays it but he is angry about it every month.

AIBU to think that it’s an ok amount ?

Seems OK to me

Of course it is; in the real world it would be so much more. Have you shown him rental prices nearby so he can see the comparison?

I think it’s more than Ok. I have a 22 year old with ADHD and slight LDs too, and he pays slightly more than that. His dad suggested a week’s pay for every month but the figure I agreed is a little below.
Getting him to pay it is another story (he’s signed off sick at the moment) but when he can he does.

10% is very little.
Tell him any further whinging and it’s 20%.
Show him the rental prices/council tax and gas bill.
Ask him if he wishes to rethink his 10%

Actually I’d say 10% is not enough,

Tell him if he can find a better deal he's more than welcome to take it.

Why does he think its unfair?
He's 23 he would be paying a lot more if he moved out?

I'm always in the minority with this, but I just would never charge my kids rent.
It was my decision to have them, therefore I pick up the bill.

It just feels so incredibly grabby when I hear of parents charging their kids to live with them.

I know you said your DS is currently off sick, so probably not getting paid, but when he’s back at work could you persuade him to set up a standing order to be paid to you on payday?

I'd be looking to increase it anyway. No way will anyone learn to stand on their own two feet paying popcorn rates.

Equally though if I didn't need the money myself I'd probably be secretly saving it for him as a rental deposit or house deposit etc.

Yes but he just looks at me and says ‘but that’s not relevant as I live at home ?’ He cannot understand why I’m even making the comparison so it’s really hard as his level of understanding isn’t great for things he hasn’t experienced himself he can’t have the thought process of ‘what if’ so it’s really frustrating.

We just want to try and help him learn about money , have been taking him shopping with a budget as well to try and help with managing money but it’s really proving difficult

YANBU. How much 10%? I paid by mum £250 per month from 20 years ago! I also covered the internet/phone bill as she didn't use the internet and the TV license.

In today's money I'd expect to pay her £400 per month.

They are not kids though are they a 23 year old is an adult , would you still think it's your responsibility to look after them if they were still living at home at 40?
Also this may blow your mind but not everyone can afford keep grown adults .

10% is very low. I always paid 20-25%. Unknown to me my mum saved the majority of it to give back to me when I bought my own house but it helped me to budget

How does ,mummy secretly saving for them help someone learn how to mange their own money?

Something that helped with my son is that I have a tool on my banking app which shows the breakdown of where my money goes. When I showed him how much the monthly grocery bill was he was genuinely shocked.

It’s tangible. I buy the food. He eats it. If I don’t buy it, the cupboards are bare.

I suspect your son’s 10% payment is less than his share of the grocery bill. Do you have similar for your bank that you could try?

@AlanBrendaCelia yes, I’ll be helping him set up a standing order when he’s back at work - thanks

He’s PT and it’s not a well paid job so taking more would feel wrong but I wanted to charge something so that he’s going through that process of learning to make a payment each month

We’ve been trying to show him a breakdown of where his PIP goes (im his appointee) to get him to understand more of the value of money

Because it's secret so they don't know about it.

OP can them give it as a gift when he buys a house, and not say that it was saved from his rent.

If he winces each month when he has to pay, just nod and explain it’s the start of a life lesson that will last his entire working life or until he’s paid off his mortgage. So he may as well get used to it.

IF he was pulling in a million a year, you're taking the piss... if it's minimum wage etc, no, seems fair :)

10% is low.

The answer to his “I’m living at home,” is “so am I, but it still costs money.”

When he’s a child his contribution to the household is to go to school and do his best. When he’s an adult in employment he contributes financially towards the cost of the household. It’s part of growing up.

You’re still supporting him by massively subsidising his life; he is just starting to make a token contribution.

Are you going to bankroll your kids throughout their whole lives since they didn't ask to be born?

People wonder why cocklodgers exist

That's more than fair, I'd be charging more. I'd be showing him a spreadsheet of what your costs are so he gets to understand how adults have to prioritise their rent/mortgage, bills, insurance, food etc.

I despair for the next generation if this is how they're being spoilt.