10% of income is fair ‘rent’

[Itisneverfair]

Ds (23) lives at home and works part time. He has adhd and slight learning disabilities.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way etc as he struggles with managing money. He’s saying it’s not fair he pays it but he is angry about it every month.

AIBU to think that it’s an ok amount ?

I can't imagine being a working adult and not paying towards the household costs just because I'm living with parents

Defensive? Pot, kettle.

I charged 10% as it was an easy figure to be fair. DD buys her own groceries and does her own laundry - as that is not included. I buy toothpaste and she buys all her own shampoos etc.

He’s been referred to adult MH services as after diagnosis as a teen he was immediately discharged from paeds so hopefully the adult team may be able to help us with these issues

I think it depends on what your long term aim for him is. My son is unlikely to ever live independently, as he has asd and a learning age around half his actual age. My plan is to get him paying for the things he uses first, so his phone bill, then food as he has more understanding of things that are tangible to him. Then I'll look at electric/gas, rent, internet, when he has got the hang of those. Would that kind of approach help him at all?

Not necessarily the case.

My parents didn’t charge me rent - they said it didn’t cost any more to have an extra person living there. I paid my own food / personal expenses and agreed that I’d save at least 50% of my salary towards moving out.

Didn’t mean I didn’t have an idea of budgeting for household costs. I’d already managed fine with that at university, though.

I would never charge a dc to live in their family home. Particularly one with disabilities who can only work part time .

Any money that they can afford should be saved toward a rental deposit or a mortgage.

You might be able to afford it but a lot can't!
It's definitely not 'grabby'.
Plus it's teaching them a valuable lesson in personal finances.

How much in savings does he have did he get a lump sum with his child trust fund because any '10%' taking from him could surely be added to that if it's been transferred to a saving account. Please tell me he got a CTF?

I think it's important to teach our kids how to save and budget for their future rather than grab a few quid toward the leccy bill that you'll be paying anyway.

These threads always go the same way

'Charging rent' implies a commercial transaction, which implies a profit.

Those of us who do 'charge rent' are not actually 'charging rent'
Our adult children are making a contribution to the costs of running the household. I am certainly not making a profit off my son.

There are always responses on these threads which go along the lines of - I wouldn't dream of charging my child to live in their own home - but they do a food shop, pay x bill, buy take aways etc.
So their children are in fact contributing to the household budget.
My son gives me a set amount a month and doesn't have to worry about food shopping and bills etc.
Call it rent if you like, it's all the same

As you havent read the responses it's an odd assumption that they are made posters not secure in their decisions. Do you think that you are always right and everyone who disagrees with you is somehow unsure of themselves?

I never took any money from my kids. They had too many outgoings as it was, on a low wage. I wanted them to be left with some money to have fun with!

When eldest dd first started working we charged her 20% of take home pay. There was a bit of a grumble about this. So i wrote down all the main household expenses - not including car associated costs.
I then showed her what her share would be if split equally per person. It was a lot more than what she was actually paying. There was no more moaning.
When she got her own place she admitted she was glad we made her pay as it encouraged her to budget.
And just to add we did help set her up when she moved out.

So would your son understand the figures if you broke it down for him relevant to living in your home with the cost of the bills he benefits from day to day? Show him what a bargain he is actually getting.

@BurntBroccoli
Plus it's teaching them a valuable lesson in personal finances
There are plenty of ways of teaching them valuable lessons in personal finances without taking money from them every week. Besides, If you are only starting to be concerned about teaching money lessons when they are earning, 'you' have left it a bit late. They should have a reasonable idea how to budget long before they get their first wage packet.

Of course it's fair, will he ever be independent or have to live as such? If so you are doing him a favour showing him where money goes.

It's fine to charge what you think works for them and you. They need to learn they have to provide for themselves.

I'm a single parent so my income plus UC top up pays for everything. My 23yr old pays me a quarter of what our basic rent and utilities are. I don't charge her other expenses such as my car etc it is just rent, CT, water, oil and electric and a couple other household essentials plus some towards food. My younger two are still in education. I don't take anything off my 18yo but she pays all her own car expenses such as insurance. When she leaves education and starts a full time job I'll be asking for a quarter from her too.

I think that is fair as they will be earning as much as me at that point.

I should add I wouldn't be able to run the household without her contribution. Once their TC/UC stopped they had to make up the difference, if nothing else. One low wages doesn't support a household. And yes, their dad has always been hopeless with money but I didn't realise how much til we split.

I would base it on a formula of salary and outgoings.

So as a simple example - bills are £1000 a month.

You earn £50K, your DH earns £30K and your son earns £20K. So you pay £500 into the kitty, DH pays £300 and son contributes £200 a month.

Would that work for you?

I would not charge rent, because I don't have a mortgage but would work out the costs of running the house otherwise, and then divide up as above. It's roughly how DH and I do it now - joint account for bills that we pay into according to our income and then our own accounts.

How much does he save for his future accommodation and however much it is wouldn't you rather he added whatever he could to afford to save rather than buying you takeaways?

Wait. You take his PIP (so he’s obviously disabled) and you are an appointee and 10% of his wages? Wow.

It isn't their fault your uc stops when they get to 18, can't you top it up with extra hours?

When dc have an income they pay for their own phones, pay for their social lives taxis etc and clothes. We then 'save' money there because surely before they earn we meet those costs. Once they earn they do, but not 'contribute' to mum and dad's takeaways and bills 🙄.

It could be a lot of extra hours, and losing 20% tax plus NI on every extra pound. If a parent is already working full time then it's fairer that other adults contribute. The young adult gets their own personal allowance so will keep most of their income.

One of mine earned more than me when he started work at 18 , he was happy to pay towards food and bills

Yes the PIP goes into my account or he would spend it on absolute rubbish. We sit with him each month and explain how x amount is already used on certain activities he does, look at what appts he has and explain the taxi fare for those, show him what’s left and have a discussion about what to spend that on (it has to be something sensible he can’t just buy sweets for example which he would if allowed) he might choose swimming and we might have to replace something he’s broken .

The 10% from wages really is a small amount as he does 3 shifts per week so it’s not a lot, it’s more to physically get him handing over money to learn (and I end up using it to buy him stuff anyway !)

She doesn't take his pip, she is his appointee. That means she manages his money as he is unable to do so. Presumably part of the reason for getting him to pay a percentage of his earnings to household expenses is to begin to enable him to manage his own pip and finances in general. If he got his own pip he wouldn't understand the importance of budgeting and buying what he needed first, so could well end up spending all on a hobby and not buying food or paying bills. It's a process.