10% of income is fair ‘rent’

[Itisneverfair]

Ds (23) lives at home and works part time. He has adhd and slight learning disabilities.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way etc as he struggles with managing money. He’s saying it’s not fair he pays it but he is angry about it every month.

AIBU to think that it’s an ok amount ?

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.gov.uk/child-trust-funds/find-a-child-trust-fund&ved=2ahUKEwja3s3876mHAxXNWkEAHeSvBl8QFnoECAUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0FVJ-mH2OXF-utFgOoeBTS. You can find out where it is here

Very true will pay for some driving lessons ,lucky lad!

YANBU, it seems a lot less than many others would charge.

I was always charged 50% of whatever I earned regardless (and I only even managed minimum wage part time stuff). I even had to had over half my student loan (which I have still not paid off 25 years later, and never will).

@Janiie

I didn't say my son buys me take aways.

He doesn't pay me anything. He contributes to the household.
He is actually earning more than I am at the moment. This will change in the next few months
Not everyone has the resources day to day to subsidise adult children.
Last year he got a substantial chunk of my redundancy payment towards his first car and insurance.
I have a pension lump sum coming in the next few months,again a chunk of it is earmarked as my contribution to his house fund.
His contribution is the difference between just making ends meet and having a reasonable standard of living.

Sit him.down and look together for rooms to rent. Then ask him if he still thinks it's fair and if he a) wants to pay up without moaning b) privately rent c) pay the going rate.

I did this when ds was 15. Shut him right up ( but he's never worked or paid rent) he is off to uni soon but I'm going to go hard-core if he ever wants to move back while working.

Kids, the gift that keeps giving!

People criticising you have no idea of the large ongoing extra expenses that parents of children with disabilities often have to pay. At the age their own children might be quite independent. It is perfectly reasonable for an adult with a source of income to contribute to the household. You know it won't be covering the cost of keeping them (and maybe never will if they can't be independent) and it certainly doesn't cover the significant loss of income many parents of disabled adults may have to deal with. You are being more than fair OP.

Yes well the thing is parents were supposed to add to it. Y'know, an incentive to save up and give them a lump sum when 18. Even a measly tenner a month would've given them a couple of thousand when 18.

But nope. We 'teach them the value of money' by taking off them when they are earning peanuts. Great plan.

Don't you understand that many don't have anything spare per month? That £10 might be needed for food or heating?

It wasn't compulsory and not everybody could afford to 🙄🙄🙄

No, I don't. I bet all posters manage to find a least a tenner for their phones or fags, booze whatever their treats. If you have kids you not only provide for them whilst growing up you think about their future and as I said a measly tenner (that is £2.50 a week) would've given a couple of thousand as a sum towards rental or saving for a deposit.

It is beyond ironic that some of you don't understand teaching the value of money should start with planning for your kids futures and not just see any minimum wage earnings as a contribution to your household.

My 24 year old son is currently living with me whilst he saves up a house deposit....he earns 53k a year and i earn a fraction of that...according to an earlier post i should not be taking any rent from him as its grabby🤣🤣

And i think it's ironic that you think you are teaching your adult offspring the value of money by effectively treating then like children
And not allowing them to pay for anything other than treats for themselves ,but there we go.

The ops son is disabled, only works parttime, no doubt minimum wage and the op already takes his PIP.

Do you really think your ds on 53k is a comparable situation?

Yes the PIP goes into my account or he would spend it on absolute rubbish. We sit with him each month and explain how x amount is already used on certain activities he does, look at what appts he has and explain the taxi fare for those, show him what’s left and have a discussion about what to spend that on

"OP already takes his PIP" to work with her son to administer it and put money aside for hospital appointments and transport etc. Do you have a different suggestion for helping the young man to budget appropriately?

Have you not read the thread...my post is a dig at the poster who said taking money from your adult child is grabby....i completely agree with what the Op is doing.

But you said you would never take money off your adult children ,so is it OK to take a contribution in your mind once they are earning over a certain amount ?

I love the keep vs no keep arguments because it matches the screen restrictions vs no screen restrictions argument, loads of people going:
I never paid rent and I learnt how to manage my money fine
My child has never had restrictions and manages their screen time fine, they barely use their phones they are out on their bikes

Totally ignoring the fact that people are all very different and respond to things in different ways.
My favourite is 'well my friends daughter was always restricted on screen time and she never learnt to regulate so now as an adult she's on it constantly, my son was never restricted and he's learnt how to manage it'
So a person who struggles with self regulation should have been given unlimited access in order to learn how to regulate? Make it make sense.

It's great that you never charged your kids rent and they are financially responsible. However, acting like doing so is some kind of grabby parenting tactic is incredibly ignorant of the challenges that people with different personalities, learning ability, disability face when tackling stuff that you find easy. Plus, I urge you to go lurk in 'parents of adult children' and see how many were never charged any keep and blew all their money and didn't contribute in any way voluntarily. OMaybe your child wouldn't have reacted that way, great! But that's not every child.

In the same way we don't all learn to read in the same way, or how to have a grown up disagreement, or say we are sorry, we don't learn how to manage money in the same way.
You know how some people learn by watching others do things, some learn by reading instructions on that thing, others learn by doing? It's the same principle! Not sure why people are saying it's grabby, especially when they aren't offering up any concrete alternatives if you don't charge rent and have a child that still struggles to manage money.

Indeed. At that age in 1981, 25% of my salary went on rent alone.

Parents do their adult children no favours at all by continuing to subsidise their lifestyles out of some bizarre notion of parental obligation.

You clearly know fuck all about surviving on a low income. A phone is pretty much essential and mine costs £7 a month.