10% of income is fair ‘rent’

[Itisneverfair]

Ds (23) lives at home and works part time. He has adhd and slight learning disabilities.

We have been charging him 10% of what he earns as ‘rent’ to try and get him used to paying his way etc as he struggles with managing money. He’s saying it’s not fair he pays it but he is angry about it every month.

AIBU to think that it’s an ok amount ?

No grabby at all. It's a life lesson which is part of parenting. They need to pay their way. Or they become the sort of partners who don't want to 'share' their money with their other half.
Plus some parents need it.

Why didn't you add to it? You want to show him the value of money by taking his PIP and 10% of his parttime earnings but didn't think to teach him the value of money by having any savings for him? Yes granny did but what about you?

Better late than never but put his pip into a savings account along with this 10% you think he should give you so he can infact afford to move out one day.

Why is it so hard for you to understand that some people can't afford to add to it, or cover their adult children's expenses 🙄

PIP is for his expenses he has now. He has 90% of his income available to save to move out one day. He is just wasting this on takeaways as he isn't able to manage money yet.

Sit down and show him how much it costs you to house him. The energy bills, minus the standard charge, a third. How much less a house would cost to rent with one less bedroom. A third of your grocery costs. He obviously pays you substantially less than he costs. Adults pay their way, he's not a child, so he pays his way.

My parents set it up and they put a very small
amount in we were going to but ended up not as things were difficult financially so it wasn’t much . We didn’t add to dd investment/ government one either she just had additional amounts paid in as had dla (I can’t remember how much they paid in but I’m sure she had one or two extra payments ?)

What is your dont understand that different people have different finances?

So your plan for him to learn the value of money is for OP to cover all of his expenses, and give him more money for savings, during a cost of living crisis. That's going to treat a working adult the value of money?

Can you agree with him to put some finances forward to an accountant type meeting, someone specialising in this sort of scenario.

agree the advice will be independent, you can be there and go over his finances etc together

perhaps if he hears from someone independent he will accept it. And you can have a follow up appointment to discuss wills or trusts or anything necessary

@Janiie if you put pip in a savings account who is going to pay for the extra costs incurred for his disability?

10% is very reasonable. I do approx 30% - so a third to the housekeeping pot, third to save and a third for him. But with the caveat that he is probably about paying his way now, so any pay rise etc will just be split between savings and his spending money.

He is autistic and probably ADHD (on a waiting list) but actually he is very happy to pay, he feels good about being an adult and contributing. Plus we always told him that we were happy to support his hobbies etc when he was younger and not earning, but he would be expected to contribute to food and electricity/gas costs once he was earning. So it didn't come as a surprise.

There is a spreadsheet on the fridge of ALL our outgoings, food, council tax, mortgage, water, electric, gas, phones, prescriptions, everything. It was a bit of eye watering to me when I did it, but he can clearly see what we pay out every month.

You are assuming that all of us have children that will be able to successfully live on their own.

I'm beginning to think the 'I could never CHARGE my child to live in their OWN HOME!' pearl-clutchers that always pop up on these threads are stealth-boasting just a tad. As in 'I can afford not to charge.' Either that or they haven't untied the apron strings yet.

It doesn't. I've no idea why people do this.

OP your son is absolutely right when he says it's unfair he pays you 10% rent

A fair amount would be 30%. That's probably not the suggestion he wants to hear, mind.

Did you plan on keeping them forever?

Or he has to pay for a PA to provide that type of support and help him manage his PIP.

I do a similar thing with my son's PIP. That doesn't go towards the household pot at all. That goes firstly into his savings, so it is out of his account and can't be spent on Monsters and Lego and Minecraft. Then we identify what the PIP needs to be spent on. He has regular appointments in London, and taxi and peak rail travel can be £100 plus.

CTF? Lol.

In 16 years, my kids ones grew from £250 to....wait for it....drumroll.....£275.

Why do people compare it with renting somewhere "in the real world"? You're family, he's not a lodger. Surely you don't charge the market rate?
Well, obviously some people do, but I do not think it's the same. Landlords are doing it for profit.

This will be my sons I'm sure
When do you find out about BTW,my son will be 18 on boxing day ?

No these are your dc. Not some bf…

if the family needs the money fine, then charge. If the son is spending on frivolous stuff, again fine. If he is earnestly saving for a house deposit, no need. Saving for a deposit is essentially managing his money.

Also, real world rent gives you freedom from house rules and your parents breathing down your neck, if you are at home, you are within your own family.

I'm sure I got a letter from the company that managed the CTF giving the option to take cash or transfer into an ISA. My nephew is a similar age to my kids and his was worth £1500! So was clearly invested in a better performing fund.

Did his parents contribute or was it just invested?
Honestly it's so long ago now but I think we chose to put ds1 in a bank account
And when ds2 was born we forgot about so they invested it in stocks and shares God knows what it's worth🤣

When you have a disabled child often your earning capacity is reduced. My Ds had far less needs by the sound of it than OP but I pretty much had to walk away from a career in order to take a much more flexible but dead end job that enabled me to deal with all his stuff at school, Camhs etc.

Thats the kind of reason why OP might not have been able to save for him.

@x2boys no, it wasn't added to. Come to think of it he might have got the enhanced amount of £500, but even so a growth to £1500 ain't too shabby.