Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

She didn't invite her relatives or your family to her child's christening

Weird

But you do if you want to show someone up for their spectacular rudeness. This is what you're not getting. Yes it's unusual and rude to turn up to an event uninvited but nowhere near as unusual and rude as these people being not invited to this type of event in the first place.

How are you not getting this? Going for a meal separately at the same restaurant is not gatecrashing.

Your friend is annoyed because people went for a meal at the same venue as she did?

My SIL's exH was eating in a restaurant where we were celebrating my DF's birthday. He just politely came across, said hello to my SIL and DB, kissed his DDs, wished my DF happy birthday and went back to his own meal. No drama.

The only logical event I can put this description with is a hen do, where she invited blood relatives and friends as was female only? No other event makes sense from your description of the guest list?

The OP has already said that it was a christening.

It sounds that the number of more distant relatives is so huge that it just wasn't practical and shouldn't be expected to host it at home. In the same time inviting everyone to the restaurant could be very expensive.

Organising an invasion is very hostile act even if they don't agree with their approach. I'd say it is rather entitled to expect her to host huge numbers just because the child is being christened.

@Equivo but why choose that restaurant? You can’t stop your kids getting up and approaching the party table.

Why go somewhere you aren’t invited?

If you want to eat out go somewhere else.

I am genuinely not getting it.

Essential 5 sets of people turned up to be on the periphery of something their partners were involved in.
If men hung around somewhere where their female partners were they would be condemned as controlling.

Genius!

They, and their partners, were hurt and annoyed at your friend's actions. Who invites a relation but not their partner to a family celebration? It’s so divisive for families. I don’t see why it would have been much more trouble to invite partners too (though of course more expensive).

The invited guests didn’t want to make a big deal of it by refusing to go without their partners or chikdren, but made it a day out for the whole family. I don’t blame them.

OP it has been explained in some detail what the most likely reasons for the relatives making this choice were.
They aren't particularly hard to understand even if you don't agree with them.

SweetSouberry

@Schoolchoicesucks but being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you can turn up somewhere uninvited,

It doesn't mean you can turn up at a private house, a private party, a private function uninvited.
But a restaurant, church or hotel lobby - anyone can attend. Let alone the aunts of a baby being christened!

I think the real significance of a Christening has been lost on OP's friend.

Very telling that five sets of guests did this.

Her own parents initially refused to attend.

She's obviously chosen a very strange option and upset many guests.

She ruined the whole thing and its ethos.

Hopefully she's learnt a valuable lesson.

@SweetSouberry do you have nieces or nephews on your husband's side?

Do you not consider yourself the child's aunt?

You are being obtuse by repeating "but why would they turn up when friend didn't think they mattered enough to invite them?"

Either their niece mattered enough to them that they wanted to be there - at the church to see their niece christened, adjacent to the meal celebrations. Or it mattered enough to them to show your friend exactly what they thought of her attempts to exclude them.

I wouldn't have turned up. But I admire their balls for doing so.

But why would you do it just because you can?

The aunts and uncles were all invited but not their spouses.

They weren't doing it to control their partners. They were doing it to make a point about their membership of the family to their sister in law.

The spouse that set up his laptop, don't think that's cringe, he probably needed to drive his wife there, instead of going back home and returning, he was able to work at the location whilst his wife is at the event.

The sisters that turned up on their own table, that's abit weird, if I was the host I would feel irritated and slightly embarrassed that I didn't invite them but here they are. But also would feel they have embarrassed themselves turning up uninvited when they could go eat a million other places

Yes, your second sentence answers the question posed in your first.

Btw, usually a brother's wife would be viewed as an aunt, not just the uncle's spouse.

I agree with the OP. It was weird and intimidating behaviour by the family. Presumably someone else got involved and sent out the message to others to turn up anyway, to make a point.

Look OP

What your mate did was fucking weird and rude. People were pissed off with her and were passively aggressively making their protest point.
EVERY Christening I have ever been invited to, my whole family were invited to.

@SweetSouberry you might not 'get it' but it looks like your mate has really riled her family up. She should have hired a cheaper venue and invited everyone.

I think you must be being purposefully obtuse here, or you are indeed the "friend" and can't see through the plans being not as you imagined.

I would almost certainly say these extra family members have not purposefully gatecrashed the event. They are doing perfectly normal things to kill time whilst their invited partners were at the event. That the host held it on the main floor of a public restaurant rather than in a private area is her own issue. If it were a coordinated effort to derail the event I'd have imagined they'd all be dressed up, say at a single table and be putting on a huge display of having a wonderful time, rather than largely minding their own business nearby.

I imagine the host didn't give a thought for the inconvenience of her event for others? Perhaps it necessitated lifts from family members, or juggling with other family commitments or staying overnight at the venue maybe? Catching up on work, going for a walk or, heaven forbid, feeding yourself and your kids lunch in a public area are all perfectly normal ways to kill time whilst waiting for someone to my mind. Maybe the "invited" wanted tonescape as quickly as possible back to their own families and do activities with them that they enjoyed and so it was more of a "drop in" to the christening and meal afterwards - I'd certainly have this sort of mindset if my nearest and dearest weren't invited to the christening of their own neice/nephew/cousin.

The host isn't in any position to complain, she acted like a spoilt brat dividing the family up in to those worthy and not, and quite frankly got what she deserved if she now feels foolish and embarrassed about her actions.

My DF lost his younger brother. Is his widow no longer my DF's SIL? Is she not my aunt? Families are strange, but this thread is stranger.

The wife of an uncle is an aunt!

The husband of an aunt is an uncle!

This is not hard to understand.

Then you are either not reading the responses or are wilfully choosing to not understand.

As has been said, very clearly, they chose because your friend was spectacularly rude. The others .might be rude, odd, embarrassing themselves or any of the other ways you see it but not to the same degree that your friend was rude in the first place.

You think they were making a scene. They wanted to! They were trying to make it uncomfortable for your friend because she deserved to know how ridiculous she'd been.

You might not agree that she was that rude but to say you can't understand their motivation after hundreds of explanations makes you ridiculous yourself.