Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

Can we just straighten something up as well - it wasn't even a Christening. It's a hotel restaurant, not a church. It was a meal in a restaurant most likely after a Christening had taken place. Babies don't get baptised in restaurants.

Was it you that was hosting OP? You're very defensive on someone else's behalf. The host did not choose wisely

Why do you think that they did it?

To make a point (en masse).

It's not something I would do, but then I wouldn't hold a family celebration and deliberately not invite half the family.

You keep saying your friend, so your not a blood relative but you were invited over actual family members and can’t see why they would be pissed.

Shes your friend but she’s caused a rift in their family, they have a right to be pissed.

Blood relatives I.e cousins were not invited.

Your friend didn’t want to organise anything she just had a coffee with the maitre’d, so what’s so hard saying there will be 20 guests not 10?

I don’t think jealousy as you keep saying has anything to do with it. Her extended relatives were offended by her behaviour so made the decision to say fuck you and piss her off.

She’s reaped what she sowed.

Presumably these relations were at the Christening first?
Do you think that they shouldn't have been there too?

Most of The Uninvited who did attend seem to be family, so I can see how they may have planned this.

But how did the spouse of the friend end up in on the plan?

So she was telling you that your husband and children don't matter to her? And the same to her blood relatives?

I can see why people could have been pissed off, to be honest.

I would guess that most of them offered to drive their partners so they could have a drink. They then walked around the grounds or bought work to do until the event was finished

You haven't been on MN long, have you, @lowflyingtitties? Those terms are used to describe people quite regularly around here.

And out of all the hotels and all the restaurants in the area, they chose that one.

Of course they planned this. Yes OP's friend made a really bad decision. But ganging up to deliberately trash the event was incredibly bitchy and spiteful.

No-one comes out of if it well, but in a fairly close contest, the plotting sisters in law win the spite trophy.

Wow. So she didn't invite any of the family to a christening who wasn't a blood relation? I think she is the one who is humiliated. What an unpleasant thing to do.

I agree completely! I probably would have stayed home too but hats off to those who wanted make a point!!

So the cousins are close, good friends and they still weren't invited. It sounds crazy.
Your friend has been mean, deciding who is important and her DH needs to grow a backbone and tell her not to be so ridiculous.
The uninitiated (which is a horrible term) can eat where they want. She wanted to be nasty and those were the consequences.
She could have had catered party food at home for less and actually invited the family (or not but at least it would have been private which is what she apparently wanted).

It would be a bit of a coincidence if all the blood relatives were believers but none of their spouses or children were. Why would you expect other children to support the baby's faith journey anyway?

Trash the event?

There was no event.

Members of the public ate meals at separate tables in the same public restaurant on the day a child was Christened.

Woman who didn't book private venue upset that people she didn't invite to share her table in public venue did their own thing and ate at the same public venue as other members of the public.

People on here are so weird.

You don't have to invite every single person to everything. It isn't "petty".

Adults who can't handle not being invited to something are childish, immature and need to get over themselves.

All the people who turned up are quite pathetic and I would go as far as to say they are vindictive bullies.

Also, if they wanted a "Sunday day out" with their own families... I am SURE there are other venues where they live.

They did this deliberately to try and ruin the day.

It is weird to ask some members of a family and not others to a family event particularly a christening. I am trying to imagine any of my siblings inviting just me and not DH and DC to a christening. Cannot imagine it. However, I don't think I'd bring them all along with me if they weren't invited. Maybe it was a nice day out for the families that all came together and the lone person invited didn't want to travel alone and they thought they'd all made a weekend of it.

And to prove their point, which they did very well IMHO.

I presume they've invited OPs friend, partner and DC to many different events and weee mightily pissed off that it wasn't reciprocated.

No you don't give to receive, but you do expect to be treated the way you treat others.

This. I’ve never heard of spouses and DC not being invited as well as the blood aunts and uncles who are their spouses and parents To exclude them is absolutely appalling. If that happened to me, DH would have refused to attend.

So, yes, you could describe it as rude to turn up somewhere when you haven’t been invited, but the far bigger rudeness is the lack of invite.

Mumsnetters really do like vengeance, don't they?

The spouses are also aunts and uncles. Your friend is sending out a very strange message about her own personal take on who is and who is not family.

If they were sat out of the way or outside I can’t see the issue

I don’t think she can say much. She invited people to attend brunch/lunch at a hotel to mark a lovely family event - her child’s christening. Her party was not in a private room but held in a public dining area. Instead of inviting complete families from both sides she picked out a few individuals from said families and disregarded spouses, kids etc.

That’s bound to cause a shit storm of offence. Sounds as if the excluded set up a Whats App group and decided to book lunch in the publicly available restaurant to prove a point. And why not bring your sister for lunch too? I wouldn’t have done it, but it is a bit funny. They certainly didn’t humiliate themselves, just her. She should’ve booked a private room.

"Vengeance" seems a little dramatic. They didn't poison the food or walk in and start reading the hostess's diary aloud.

let me get tis right-she invited half of everyones family-so her brother but not his wife for instance?

is her name thanos