Just sent this to my 16 & 17 year old

[Nur122]

Guess this isn’t unreasonable
Firstly I love you both lots.
I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both for your lack of respect for how you don’t do the few things in the house like you are meant to like keep your rooms tidy, they are getting worse and more disgusting with old food bowls etc being left in them rather than better. Also you keep leaving stuff lying about the house. I have always been happy doing things for you because I love you and wanted you to have a happy, nice childhood but you are both a lot older now and basically no different from adults so should be able to be a bit more responsible for yourselves without nagging. I’m not expecting you to do the vacuuming, fridge cleaning, bathrooms etc but if you notice a dog poo in the way, or some fly poos somewhere yucky etc there is no reason why you shouldn’t clean them up for example. If you need more storage in your rooms I can help sort it out.
Please do these things out of need and respect.
lots of love mum

Fly poo!?
Never in my life have a seen fly poo!

Maybe stop being so patronising and have a look on Google.

Patronising enough?

Actually I think OP is referring to spider poop.

As a mum of two teens who have been off for the summer since the end of May (Ireland) this won't work. I give mine deadlines - your room needs to be clean by tomorrow evening (or whatever chore). If it isn't I don't give them money for bus fares to see their friends etc until it is done. I don't budge on that and they know it so it is up to them, they always do what I have asked. They are quite self absorbed at this age and just don't see what needs to be done but are very motivated by their social life and don't want to miss out on it so anything that could stand in the way of that, such as money, will give them a kick up the arse to get things done.

Ps I am also confused by fly poo, thought maybe you have different flies in the UK 😂

I’ve voted YABU because that msg was far too nice and if you’ve been so nice and picking up after them their whole childhood then you’re now trying to change habits of a lifetime. Mine are 14 and 16 and have been responsible for their own rooms and bathrooms since being around 10-11 yrs old. I go in about once a week and check it all and if it’s not up to standard I take phones off them etc until it’s done. It then gets done very quickly. I give them jobs to do such has hoovering and emptying the dishwasher throughout the week too. Sometimes they feed/walk the dog. I have instilled these things from a young age. My advice would be to sit them down and tell them your expectations very very firmly however I’m not sure what response you’ll get given that they’ve never done these things previously. Good luck

See, this is what I don’t like. Kids don’t do as you say, so you take their phones. Those two things have nothing to do with each other and it turns in to some kind of power game where you will always be the winner. You wouldn’t take your partners phone if he didn’t do as you told him/her. It teaches them nothing.

I had three children. When mine were young had a rule that they got their pocket money once a month, after they had cleaned and tided their rooms. This ensured that they were done fairly regularly and also taught them to manage money and make it last. They also had a small daily task such as laying the table for dinner, doing the recycling, Clearing the table (putting all the plates etc., in the kitchen near dishwasher. I got them to change their own beds weekly and help collecting all the plates, cups etc., from around the house once a day. If you start when they are young it helps.

This is what we did, and it makes more sense for them and their future. We had pocket money once a week. Put some music on, they cleaned their rooms and we cleaned other rooms at the same time, if they needed help we did it together. No punishments and just a natural thing to do.

Still laughing at the “dog poo in the way” and “fly poo somewhere yucky”

In the way of what? And where is the yucky location for fly poo as apposed to un-yucky?

😂

What you're saying isn't unreasonable, putting it in a text is. This is not healthy communication.

Only joking but I know where you coming from,my daughter expects to be paid. I told her i that was to happen then I would start billing her for the washing and cooking ido and expect money upfront and this would only be the start of it . She decided to see things my way

Too late now of course but I feel talking to your children would have been better. Doubt you want them thinking it’s okay to hide behind a message / email rather than deal with an issue directly in person.

I think I’d be getting them to do more useful jobs like vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms rather than expecting them to notice fly poo on the window frames. Honestly if they’re not doing basic hygiene like returning dishes, they are not going to give an f about fly poo.

Why on earth would they not be expected to do the hoovering or clean the bathrooms?! I've got 2 kids under 6 and both help with the housework, unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, my eldest put a clean load of laundry away folded nicely in her wardrobe today. Our house is still a tip but we all live here and create the mess, we all tidy it up.

Good ffor you! It sounds like it's been a long time coming.

Uou are teaching them respect and self discipline. They are not, as you say, little kids anymore.
They are easily old enough to do as you asked. Actually, I think you are being very reasonable. They are perfectly capable of doing rsther more to help take care of the home they live in. Vacuuming is everyone's job. Laundry with an automatic washing machine is a doddle.
And the argument about their rooms being their space? Rubbish! Literally. I would not tolerate anything unhygienic . Would you tolerate it in the living room? In the kitchen? Of course not!
Do stick to your guns, however petulant your teens become.

Flies eat, then they excrete waste, just like any other living thing. That's fly poo. Most people won't notice it because there are not that many flies in and aroud an average home. However, in places that attract flies it can be quite noticeable. My partner is a farmer, and by default, lives on a farm. There are always hundreds of damned flies around the farm in the summer, many of them finding their way into her cottage. Surfaces etc, have to be cleaned every day, often several times a day, to remove the small black spots that are the calling card of fly poo. So yes, it's a very real thing. I've never really noticed it in suburban settings though....

@Nur122 great post

Whilst I agree with you it won’t have an impact. You need to sit them down and speak to them. You should also have started getting them involved in the household chores a lot earlier than this. Kids are part of family and everyone in family works together to keep the house clean and helps with the chores. Still not too late for it but will be hard to instill good habits now

Omg is that what that is!!!!!!

The expectation they clean the fly poo on the window frames is a lot more unreasonable than expecting them to vacuum and clean the bathroom. They absolutely should be helping out - bathrooms, dishes, vacuuming, cooking, washing. You need to sit down, talk to them like the adults you want them to be and design a chore chat. But it would have been much easier to have started when they were younger

Having to even ask this question is I believe the reason why there are a large number of parents who's lives are being made a misery by their offspring.
Basic respect for others in your household is a lesson which needs to be taught to young children. We need these considerations to live with each other in harmony in

First, I will have to know what kind of children and relationship you have at home to know if the message will be effective. I would say the message is fine just not sure if it will have an impact without knowing more about the dynamics in the house; there are children who will get affected by such message. For example, maybe mum sending a message means something very bad or serious.
However, as other posters said, cleaning or any other thing that needs to be done in the house is something that I believe to have been instilled starting from a younger age. I am not sure if things will change at 16/17. I would say caring and taking initiative around the house is something that becomes a habit. Also in my house, we’ve always believed that no one has to be paid to do something that contributes to the improvement of the household. We are a family and therefore I expect everyone to help each other out. No one pays me or my partner to do the things we do in the house so why must we pay the children to do their bit? I cook, clean, wash dishes, wash clothes, did the school run, do the clothes shopping, do food shopping, plan holidays, the list goes on…. Now why can’t they help out when they can? Even with the things we have instilled the children, now and again we still hear statements that come across as being entitled. I have always believed that it’s not a parent’s responsibility to do things for their children (unless they cannot do it themselves like when they were younger). Parents are there to teach skills that they need to soften the blow of adulthood. Hopefully by the time they are adults, they would know how to deal with things like keeping a house tidy. You’ll be surprised how many adults are actually struggling with that.
I hope things get better for you.

Of course you see fly poo, they do it on the window sills. Where have you been?!!

I’m very late in seeing your post, l thought your letter was a really good one.Sometimes it’s just easier to write a letter, because the person can process it, in their own time and you get it off your chest without interruptions The dog poo situation, anyone with animals, will completely understand, when you have a family and pets, every one should muck in, not just, walk over it! Dogs just do their business when they want to, you can’t personally always be there at all times, hence why they need to understand this.You’re only asking for the basics, in the nicest way.If they haven’t taken any notice of the letter, leave post it notes, everywhere, I’m being serious lol, until they get the message, literally❤️