Just sent this to my 16 & 17 year old

[Nur122]

Guess this isn’t unreasonable
Firstly I love you both lots.
I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both for your lack of respect for how you don’t do the few things in the house like you are meant to like keep your rooms tidy, they are getting worse and more disgusting with old food bowls etc being left in them rather than better. Also you keep leaving stuff lying about the house. I have always been happy doing things for you because I love you and wanted you to have a happy, nice childhood but you are both a lot older now and basically no different from adults so should be able to be a bit more responsible for yourselves without nagging. I’m not expecting you to do the vacuuming, fridge cleaning, bathrooms etc but if you notice a dog poo in the way, or some fly poos somewhere yucky etc there is no reason why you shouldn’t clean them up for example. If you need more storage in your rooms I can help sort it out.
Please do these things out of need and respect.
lots of love mum

It's a bit passive really 😕

Bring down any and all pots and clothing daily change your bedding every Wednesday and bring that down too any washing up needs to be scraped clean and in the kitchen by x time or YOUR washing it up empty your bins weekly full or not (radical concept to my children) the hoover will be upstairs and available on xyz days USE IT

Sorry lovie, but they have forgotten or shrugged and moved on. To be effective you have to face them, look them in the eye and give them a bollocking. Your words about loving them and kindness are seen as weakness. Because it actually is weakness. I'm not sure why you say these things in this context.

Yes. But not their job to clean it. Their job is to work hard at school, read books, go for walks etc.

I do ask them to empty their bin/bring down dirty laundry but that's about it.

Agreed. OP sounds like a wet wipe why does she have to ask softly softly?

Ha ha ha ha

This tends to be my method too 😆

Have you tried talking to them prior to this?

@Benjilassi through the power of education having given me the gift to read instructions 🤣

C London, but surrounded by a big garden. I am yet to see such copious fly poo even in countries where there are many flies. OR maybe I am a slattern and have mistaken fly poo for dust?

By that logic it’s not my job either. I work full time and would far prefer to be at the swimming pool or the cinema, and reading books when I’m not working than scrubbing the loo

She doesnt sound like a wet wipe. A wet wipe just makes a sort of splat noise when you put it in the bin.

ALL my kids clean the cat shit up out the litter tray. Youngest is 8. Because it stinks and literally take 5 seconds.

My middle dd - 11 will wash her own clothes.

I don’t get this ‘kids shouldn’t be expected to contribute to keeping the living space clean’ thing. In Japan is spotless because they expect society to keep it clean - the children clean the schools before lessons. Maybe western kids are moddy coddled too much.

My kids don’t moan about doing jobs around the house as they have always done them.

This ^ DS is 14 and he joins in with tasks on the list on Sat/Sun like hoovering, and helping with kitchen and bathroom floors with DH.

He does putting washing out on radiators daily as well as feeding/watering Dcat. He dries up pots when he gets in from school. He plans and cooks a meal 1 x week with some help. He knows how to load the washing machine.

We started when he was 3 or 4, there are great printable lists for age appropriate chores.

It's basic life training. We all have to put in some work to keep the house functional. Does he moan and groan about it? Yes. Does this get him off the hook? No.

Bedroom is checked daily and he is asked to put dirty washing in basket and to have a reasonably tidy floor so no-one is tripping over anything.

16 and 17 is late in the day for domestic training.

So your kids are so messy that they leave old, dirty plates/bowls in theirs rooms, but you're expecting them to notice and clean some small black dots on a windowsill?! This doesn't make any sense at all.

Yes, they should clear up their own spaces and mess. At this age they should probably also be responsible for their own laundry, and help out with hoovering, dishwasher etc. But clearing dog is above and beyond, and cleaning the windowsills is ridiculous (unless that's one of their allocated weekly chores)

Hmmm, well I have risked that approach with my 2 sons.
Neither have been naturally drawn towards cleaning and housework so 1) they do it as they are part of the household and 2) since they 'just didn't' I have shown them.
I don't want to risk them leaving home 1) thinking it's someone else's job and 2) not knowing how to do the jobs.

I voted YABU because you've been too soft with them. Everyone in our household has tasks we share because we share a house together! No-one gets a free pass - unless on deaths door or looming exams. You've made a rod for your own back and setting them up to be hopeless in future relationships if they have no practical life skills. What will happen when they go to Uni or eventually move out with a partner?

Call a family meeting to discuss and assign tasks.

I find the following works

‘if your crocks and dirty washing isn’t down here in 5 minutes you can find somewhere else to live!’

Op it's too wordy, not direct enough and too nice.
Their room their mess.
Direct list of jobs you want them to do.
Message them if you want - simply saying you've done a list and if they don't stick to it no cash.
And expect them to do hoovering and dusting.
The poo stuff is odd.

Okay fair enough.
The fly 'poo' is just another species of fly or other insect. Maybe a bigger spider dropping their prey....

Not an issue really. There's usually loads in the summer.

@Droolylabradors

this! You’re going them no favours, they need to be able to do household stuff for when they go off to uni or whatever.
also why should it all be left up to you?! Share out the load and put your feet up a bit. I’m sure you work hard and deserve it!

Urgh so you have dog poo in your house that's rank

why?
like why text them?

It is unreasonble. Actually.What response did you get from them?what response did you expect?
eyeroll bout best to expect.
Firstly i love you both lots? ...rest of it is a bleating,sugar coated whine. sorry op-but if you are expecting change (s) you need to start with you.
16/17 so bout old enuf to take off for uni whtaever? house keeping/self respect is a lifeskill. They dont have to thank you for it.
Doesnt have to be a scene-defo not debate. Is there genuine reason you cant speak to them?

Please don't send that. It's everything that's bad about parenting. Flaccid, passive and hand wringy.

Now off to look for fly crap. Do tinier flies live on it???

I voted YABU because a text is pointless and won't work. All the jobs are reasonable and I hope they're doing more than that to help out.

Anyway, as an aside, when I’m not forcing my DS into child slavery, I’ve never noticed fly poo either. It’s on windows? That’s what I pay the window cleaner for 😂

I'd much rather my DS could spot things like cups don't have legs and wont walk to the dishwasher, and that the unattractive wicker box shaped thing by his bedroom door is to put dirty clothes in rather than the floordrobe