Just sent this to my 16 & 17 year old

[Nur122]

Guess this isn’t unreasonable
Firstly I love you both lots.
I want to be able to explain that I am disappointed in you both for your lack of respect for how you don’t do the few things in the house like you are meant to like keep your rooms tidy, they are getting worse and more disgusting with old food bowls etc being left in them rather than better. Also you keep leaving stuff lying about the house. I have always been happy doing things for you because I love you and wanted you to have a happy, nice childhood but you are both a lot older now and basically no different from adults so should be able to be a bit more responsible for yourselves without nagging. I’m not expecting you to do the vacuuming, fridge cleaning, bathrooms etc but if you notice a dog poo in the way, or some fly poos somewhere yucky etc there is no reason why you shouldn’t clean them up for example. If you need more storage in your rooms I can help sort it out.
Please do these things out of need and respect.
lots of love mum

I find spider poo is a bigger problem. But at least they have eaten the flies.

😆

Yabu not giving them more to do around the house.

They should pull their weight with chores

We have fly poo in the conservatory, it's horrible stuff. And many dead flies. It's like a spiders murder ground, not sure kids would spot it though

I think you need a rota but this is standard 16/17 year old behaviour.

My 16 yo DS has just had yet another bollocking for not doing his chores (since he’s finished his GCSEs he’s turned into a lazy being!). We have a rota as I have 4dc, non of it is long or taxing and I take care of the majority of the household chores, but they rotate washing up, drying up, doing the pack up and taking the dogs for a walk along with keeping their bedrooms tidy. The rota has been in place 2 years and I still have to kick their arses about it occasionally.

Tbh I've never come across fly poo on my windows because I clean them. That sort of nastiness only builds up if you never clean properly.

You need to be stricter with your kids, OP. They're not children. At 16 and 17 they are more than capable of pulling their own weight and softy texts (instead of talking to them face to face - what's wrong with that!?) is not going to get any sort of response.

I think you’d have a better outcome if you gave them each specific tasks to do rather than a generic, ‘please keep the place tidy’, memo as many kids (and adults) don’t notice clutter.

DH and I give our autistic 15yr old specific jobs to do around the house and garden and if we’re clear about what is required, he’s very happy to comply. Last week DH was splitting logs and DS was bagging up the smaller pieces and then taking the bags to the storage area. It was very physical work but DS seemed to enjoy doing it.

If I wander into his bedroom and moan about it looking messy, nothing will get done. If I ask him to put his clothes away in the drawers and wardrobes, he knows what he’s being asked to do.

@Nur122

Please don't take this in the wrong way but are you a single parent? I am and I find it much harder to implement these rules with my teens than I think it would be with a partner (a supportive one obviously) . I also understand why you messaged them.

I don't let my emotions show often but I feel ganged up on by my two teens and was in tears last week.

You're going about it the wrong way, op. Teens don't notice any dirt or messiness, they just don't. You should give them jobs they need to do weekly and if they don't do it, set a consequence, like they can't go out that weekend or something.

Also, why on earth are you texting your own kids instead of talking to them in person, it sounds like you have no authority...

This very strange to message like this. Having a conversation face to face I think would have more impact.

Yeah, you can.

Where you have gone wrong is expecting this from 16& 17yo now. This should have been taught to them a very long time ago. What's wrong with them tidying up the bathroom and having proper chores?
And more importantly why does having a happy childhood have anything to do with chores?
Even my 8yo gets up and roughly makes his bed, tidies up his clothes and room, unpacks the dishwasher, tidies up toys and will help set the dinner table etc.

Not having them do all chores is just setting them up for failure as partners, husbands or even living alone successfully.

Fly poo - It’s little orange dots, visible on white window frames and glass

Are you in the habit of communicating with your children by text messages, OP? I would have thought that a face to face conversation would be more effective.

Speak to them both separately.

also, why don’t you expect them to hoover or clean bathrooms?

They need assigned chores on a regular basis, not general "keep the place nice" guidance. They don't register the mess because they just don't give a shit. They are teens.

Give them specifics and YANBU. Your current vague moan isn't going to be any use at all. For example...

Dear Teenage Slackers
I love you both but I am no longer willing to act as your maid and washerwoman. From this pont forward you are required to do the following:
Nightly - load/unload the dishwasher; check the garden for dog mess and clean up as necessary; check your room for any plates, bowls and food rubbish and bring them downstair, disposing of them appropriately
Weekly - tidy your rooms; bring down your washing in a hamper; vaccum your floor; alternate weeks cleaning the bathroom; empty the bins; tidy the hall and stairs
Love
Your newly-liberated parent

Can't you have a half hour set aside a week, the same time every week, when they blitz their rooms and bring all the crap out, give them a bin bag and one of those pop up laundry hampers, tell them to change their own beds and hoover the room? I find it pointless to expect teenagers to clean up as they go along.

You absolutely can see fly poo, it's the black dots everywhere, particularly bad if you have a fly magnet conservatory.

Damp is different.

Think if you lose the references to shit you might get a flicker of a response.

I don't think I'd ever expect a teenager to notice and then CLEAN fly poo off a window frame!

Mine too
And they can iron , wash pots and load the washer.
How else are they going to learn and live independently?
I use to Hoover the entire house , every week from about 8.
It's not difficult

Well, you've done it now. So give it a couple of weeks and see if it improves. If it doesn't, I'd be calling them for a chat along the lines of..."I asked you nicely. I explained why I was asking. Now I'm telling you. You Teen 1 will be responsible for A,B and C. You Teen 2 will be responsible for XY and Z. I will do the rest. If you don't, then I will not be giving you an allowance as I will be paying for a cleaner"

You absolutely can. And spider poo. Doesn't look like mould at all.

Nothing wrong with the sentiment but not executed in a way that will be productive.

I think the text is far too woolly. If you’re going to text you need to be direct and not waffle:

hi teen, just to set boundaries out clearly now you’re 16/17.
You are fully responsible for your bedroom and I expect all dirty dishes/cups etc to be brought downstairs and put in the dishwasher every day. You are responsible for cleaning your own room including vacuuming and changing bedding.
I’m going to pin a list of jobs up and once completed to my standards, you will get £10 pocket money. Happy to take suggestions of tasks you’ll happily take on. Have a think and we’ll catch up later. Thanks Mum x