No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

[Toujoursenfrance]

Not sure what the point of this post is other than to show myself as a massive loser….

I am engaged and me and OH have been chatting about potential stag/hen parties. His best man has thrown up some ideas for his which all sound so brilliant and I am honestly so jealous that I can’t be involved - but am adamant I won’t be, even when they both tell me it would be such a laugh to have me there.

Trouble is, I don’t think I’ll be having one myself. Because I don’t have any friends. Never have really. I’ve had acquaintances, usually people I work with but they never really want to be full friends with me. I don’t know why. I don’t think I’m a horrible person. Most people who know me tell me I’m a lovely person with a great sense of humour and a laugh to be around.

I do have one friend that I’ve known for about 17 years but we’ve grown apart over the years since having our respective families and very different life choices/goals etc.
So I’ve been telling everyone I don’t want a hen party whereas I do really.
Thinking I might just book a weekend abroad somewhere hot for just myself while OH is having his, so I can wallow in my loneliness and obvious un-likability!

I think you two should get together for a Hen Night!

I feel like this thread is getting too deep…OP outside of the wedding stuff, which by the way can magnify feelings of all kinds, are you usually bothered that you don’t have any / many friends? If so, don’t worry about it! The main thing is that you’ll be getting married, and IMO that should be the focus. The day is about no one else but you and your future husband. Go for a nice meal with mum, or plan a fun thing with fiance, or just have a night to yourself!

The two of you really should chat for a bit and figure out if a first public meetup could be in the cards. Maybe you could find an adventure partner.

i don’t have any girl friends. I had them at university, but I moved away and most of those friendships dissipated with distance and time. The friends I made in my new location were mostly my XH’s friends because he had such a gregarious personality.

I’m married to my best friend and that is what really matters. I’d like to expand my social circle, but it’s hard. I try to go to special interest group meetups, but nothing ever works out. The other moms all seem to have their own connections and I do not fit in at all.

I had a hen do for my first wedding and I honestly hated it. I was young enough I still had my university friends. We did the typical thing for that era which was go to a bunch of bars and clubs. I never do that sort of thing and don’t enjoy that kind of evening, so making it a celebration for me was just illogical

For my second wedding, my hen do was my sister and I going to a boutique store opening of one of her friends. It wasn't really a hen-do, it’s just what she and I ended up doing the night DH went out with his friends. I’m old enough that things still were only a night back then. I was actually perfectly happy with that. It suited my personality much more.

Id work out if it bothers you not having many friends generally.

I personally think its good to have at least a few friends. Just because it’s nice to have someone to speak to about life who isn’t a partner or family member. Friends can be good support for when life goes wrong. It can be good to have friends to do hobby’s with- esp hobbies your OH doesn’t like.

So I’d forget the hen- it’s not a massive deal. But think about going forward in life if you’d like to have some friends where would you find them, what sort of activities would you like to do etc.

I don't have a massive circle. My hen was mostly my family. It was tame compared to DHs stag.

He also had a weekend with his dad and brothers before the wedding. Because my mum had come for the hen, my dad came down that weekend and we had a lovely weekend.

I like the idea of taking yourself away for a weekend. Take your mum. Invite your sister and your friend, they may surprise you and jump at the chance. And if not, some quality mum time in a lovely place awaits.

Don't feel down about it. Some of us just don't have "the girls" and that's ok. Big groups of girls have always seemed like hard work to me anyway. You sound like you're happy with your circle generally, so make this work in a way that makes you happy.

I don't have friends and I didn't have a hen do. I bought loads of yummy food and watched shite tv. Had a great evening.

@alpenguin

"It’s all very woe is me and yes it’s utterly shit having no friends but it’s not a permanent situation unless you let it be and you’re letting it be that."

I agree. Maybe op needs to speak to her Gp, or some counselling because this woe is me I can't change anything attitude isn't going to make anything change is it? Why did you start the thread op? What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want change? Do you want friends?

Here is another good group. Even if it doesn't help @Toujoursenfrance maybe others.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/818845839816286/?ref=share

Love this idea - have you close female relative/s?
keep it small, intimate - wish I was younger I’d go with you ! 😘

Don’t force a hen night on yourself,you know the situation and I’m certain you are a lovely person..you are perhaps someone who focuses on very close friendships..your friend of 17 years and fiancé perhaps….so don’t put pressure on yourself and appreciate what you have…I did not have a hen night and don’t regret it..the taught of having one felt uncomfortable to me…I get on extremely well with many but consider very few friends..

Aww hun, I literally could have written this myself. I’m also having a micro wedding because other than relatives who ruined my son’s christening, I’m not really inviting anyone other than family.
I really don’t want a hen do eirher, I literally might just book a spa weekend for myself and leave my son at home with my fiancé and have the weekend to myself!

if you’re local (I’m Manchester) we could combine. I’m getting married in October 2025

I had no hen do for exactly the same reason as you. Don’t dwell on it - perhaps like me, you are a bit of an introvert, which is why you don’t have many friends. I hope you can make peace with yourself over the situation and not worry that society says that you should have a hen do. Good luck with the wedding! 😊

This is the kindest thread I’ve read in a long time on here. Long may it last!

There is no tradition. You don't have to have a hen party. What is the point of a hen do anyway? A group of young ladies going out drinking is not a nice scene at all. If all you do is have drinks and sing, what enjoyment is in that?

If you have female relatives, invite them out to a lunch or dinner at a restaurant to celebrate your finishing with the old life and entering a new one.

Hi OP
Don't rule out the WI for friendship. I'm also quite introverted and 18 months ago I moved to a village in Suffolk. Whilst I do have friends in other areas, I have no one locally.
A month ago, I took myself right out of my comfort zone and went along to a WI group evening, they were welcoming new members. I didn't think it was for 'me' either but I was really surprised. It was a great evening, good fun, I met some lovely ladies, some younger than me (I'm 57), in their 30's/40's, and I did laugh. I've been back to another meeting since and found out about a book club some of the ladies also go to, which I will try and attend.
As awkward and uncomfortable it may feel, sometimes we just have to take the plunge and see what is out there, there's nothing to lose by giving it a go, and if it's not for you, then so be it 😊

Whereabouts in Norfolk are you? Maybe some of us could meet you and do something. It might be fun!

I've never been on a hen because I'm quite old and they weren't that important then. From what I've read, I think you've dodged a bullet, they often sound horrible. I wouldn’t go on the stag. I think I'd take this as an opportunity to let yout DM know how cool she is and to re-connect with your sister on a city break or spa weekend somewhere convenient for you all. After the wedding, I'd think about joining some groups that interest you where you might meet others you have something in common with. I started swimming a few years ago and met a really good friend. It's never too late.

I’m 47 and don’t have any friends either. Never had a hen doo, wedding after party or even a honeymoon. There was 7 people at my wedding and 4 of those were our kids. I can go months without talking to another person that doesn’t live in my house. Some times I do get lonely and wish I had someone just to go out for a coffee with or something.
do your own thing treat yourself to something off your bucket list instead.

I never had a hen night either but hubby didn't have a stag do either. Maybe because we were a lot older when we got married.

Your answer to muchlymoosiemoo's post shows why you are having difficulties in making friends, OP. That post is an offer to get to know each other better as you both have similar ages, interests and possibly personalities AND you live close by.

Send a PM, meet for coffee and find out if you could become friends!

As other people have mentioned before, you come across as a bit autistic since you fail to recognize this offer for a possible friendship. Instead you mention that it makes you feel better that other people feel lonely and struggle with friendships as well. That seems quite insensitive towards muchlymoosiemoo's feelings. If I'm not mistaken she hasn't replied anymore after you brushed off her subtle hint that the two of you could get to know each other since you have many things in common and are both looking for friends.

You might profit from working on your social skills a bit or try to overcome extreme shyness in order to get the hint that someone is interested in your friendship.

I had about four people on my hen and two were my bridesmaids! We just had a night out. I'm sure your sister could meet you in London for a "Hen Day or Weekend" with your Mum and invite your old friend. Or go out for Hen drinks with your acquaintances - very informal.

I'm sorry you feel like this, OP. I know it's no consolation, but I didn't have a hen do. I'm of an older generation when they weren't the thing) and I do have a small group of good friends.

What I'm trying to say is, so what if you don't have a hen do? But I bet you have just as many 'friends' as some people who have elaborate ones. Just reading on MN, you hear of people inviting all kinds of guests - some of whom don't know why they've been invited...and often people are less than enthusiastic about going.

I suggest thinking about the people in your life who mean a lot to you, whether relations, work colleagues or friends and plan a nice group meal (or maybe a couple, for different groups) after the fuss of the wedding is over. I'm sure there'll be people you can invite and frankly a lovely, leisurely meal with a few people you like sounds a lot more fun to me than some god-awful, contrived and expensive do abroad with enforced jollity and pressure, with a group of mis-matched people.

Thinking about it I suspect only a small fraction of hen dos are the idealised kind with a solid group of friends all having a great time. I've seen plenty of threads on here where it's an awkward group of virtual strangers arguing over the costs and how they will go up if someone drops out and not wanting to share rooms. Things aren't always as great as they first look.

There's no helping some people.
AIBU?
Everyone : Yes.
Op: No, I'm not.

Helpful posters: try this, try that, do this, do that.
Op: No.