Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

You sound like you're taking the blame on yourself by calling yourself annoying etc.

It's not you, it's them. It's bitchy and bullying to leave someone alone like they're doing to you. I'd go home early. Life is too short to hang around people who treat you like that. Go home to the people who love you. Sorry it's happening to you. Hope you have a good book or series downloaded that you can get into and ignore them. ❤️

I cant believe your friend begged you to come and then shunned you the whole time, what a horrible thing to do to someone. Book the flight home, just tell them you miss your children, then go home and never speak to any of them again.

Sorry OP this is horrible, what terrible people! If it was me, I would also try and make the most of your time off and go and do my own thing. Take my self down to beach, go for some leisurely strolls, read a book. I'd eat out separately but appreciate this isn't everyone's cup of tea. No need to explain to them either, perhaps they will just think you are still unwell. I'd be giving some serious thought to the convo to have with your mate once you are home as it really doesn't sound like things will improve in the last few days and even if they did a chunk of your holiday has been awful.

If it was me, I'd be doing my own thing for the last three days and wouldn't even sit witb them. When I get home, I wouldn't be in a rush to answer any calls or texts either.

Are you ok getting to the airport by yourself? I often see pages on Facebook for holiday destinations where people have travelled solo and are looking for people to do something with, might be worth checking out if your bored?

Agree with @andthat . If it’s cheap and easy to get home then go. But, if you choose to stay for the next three days then make yourself a plan. First off, don’t sit with them or tag along. It will continue to make you feel like shit and unwanted. If you enjoy your own company then sort out a couple of good books, kick back in a sunlounger far away from them and decompress. Spend money you had earmarked for activities with them on perhaps a spa treatment, some shopping or an excursion you fancy. Enjoy some nice food. It’s quite liberating to do leisure things unaccompanied (as soon as you are over the initial trepidation) - people don’t look at you as a sad sack, they’ll look and wish they had the self confidence to do what they wanted on their own without pandering to others. Far better than hanging out on the edges of group where you feel slightly mocked and unwanted.

When you get home explain clearly to your “friend” exactly why she’s proved herself to be an utter cow. Then bin her. Good luck x

I’m so sorry, it’s not you. It’s the bitchy teenagers and your bitchy so called ex friend. Like another poster says - whichever makes you happiest. Be it going home, be it ignoring them and doing your own thing, pretend you vaguely know them in the restaurant so you can nod and half smile and walk past. Or if you can switch to another hotel.

It will probably be too expensive to go home early. I’d just not try and engage anymore, swim in the pool, read etc and at any opportunity tell your friend you can’t wait to go home, counting down the days, it’s been such a disappointment,you are not sure why she invited you, and that you don’t feel you are very welcome .

I am quite different to both groups as I'm the only mum and I do look and dress differently to them.

For right or wrong, its this. I’ve been in the same position but as the only one in a large group who is not a Mum.

I’d bin it off and go home if I were you. Be prepared that the friendhip might not survive. I think it might not anyway.

I haven’t read all of the replies so apologies if this has already been asked, but are you ND op? Because this has been my experience with some NT people, it’s like they can sense we’re not on the same wavelength and then the exclusionary behaviour starts. Not everyone will be like that but it becomes like pack mentality where others don’t want to be singled out so they just go along with it.

That was such a hard read. Poor you. You sound lovely. Holiday dynamics are a strange beast. It's clearly them and not you. If you could go home I would. And if you have the guts I'd say to the group that you are leaving and if anyone asks why be honest and say they've all made you feel like the odd one out and they've made you feel uncomfortable.

It's so hard to understand this behaviour isn't it?

I think I'd stay if possible just to not give them the satisfaction of you leaving early.

Are you sharing a room?

I really hope someone is depending on you for a lift from the airport!

What have I just read? Honestly, why are people like this. They must have egos the size of bloody planets!

I'd fly home asap if you can afford it. If not, just treat it as a solo holiday and avoid the mean girls as much as possible.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

i totally relate to how you feel & how much it hurts, won't bore everyone with my experience but it was awful & I just wanted to go home, when I got home my partner at the time was incredible.

BUT I wouldn't go home now. I'd just enjoy the break (the sun, the pool, sleep, food whatever is your thing). If you see the others blank them & TRY not to dwell on it.

As a 'bigger girl' myself, I know how shit it feels, sadly it's quite common amongst group of younger/slimmer women.

TRY to enjoy your break. All the 'at home' stresses will be there soon enough!!

My friend is a bit of an influencer so I feel like she arranged the trip and two groups to give the impression of having lots of people around her.
I was probably asked as a back up

they sound shit, and should be ashamed of acting like stupid schoolchildren. I wouldn't blame you if you just hopped on a plane home, but it seems a bit of a waste of your money - have you got another (nicer) holiday planned for this year? Can you just ditch them and treat the next three days as if you are a solo traveller?
You sound lovely, your kids will be delighted to see you when you do get home xxx

Suggest something you want to do

Today i feel like cocktails around the pool. Does anyone want to join?

I fancy booking a massage anyone else?

If they dont want to join do it by yourself

If you can afford it and you feel confident to do so, I'd come home early.

Also, reconsider your friendship. I'd never leave a friend out especially if I was bringing groups who knew each other already! It's common sense and decency, and just general care.

You poor thing! You sound so insightful and sweet, this is on them and not you. No one should be left out like this. It’s so hard but try to enjoy your last days in the sun. You’ll be back with your DC soon

Def reconsider this 'friendship'. This is appalling behaviour. Mean bastards.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It's not you - it's them. As other PP's have said, it sounds like being back at school.
They obviously have a herd mentality and are immature and typical "mean girls" - they wouldn't even DESERVE you as a friend.

As for your so-called "friend" - sorry but I'd be dumping her from my life. If I ever saw anyone regardless of whether they were my friend or not, being treated the way you're being treated, I'd be stepping in to include them, even if it was just me being friendly.

If I were you, I'd treat myself to an amazing day tomorrow solo and then book an early flight home and go home without even saying anything to them - I'd just walk past them, with my luggage, head held high, happy expression on my face (even if I didn't really feel it) and looking gorgeous!
It would do their pea-brained heads in, especially if you don't even cast a glance at any of them - it would be the ultimate way to get your power back.

I tend to agree with PPs. If the place you’re staying is nice then do what YOU want to do for a few days and let them get on with it.

Relax and refresh. To hell with them.

And make absolutely sure that they don't know where you are or what you're doing. Treat the hotel, villa apartment or whatever as somewhere to sleep, ignore them totally.

How embarrassing for her.

3 days can be a long time if you haven't planned for it. If you were comfortable to share where you are, people could suggest something to do?

I would go home if I was you OP and forget all about them. They are being very cruel, don’t put up with it. You don’t really need to explain, just book your flight and give a quick “cheerio, I’m off” with suitcase in hand.