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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want to go home

608 replies

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Rattai · 13/07/2024 14:23

That sounds horrible... have you had chance to chat to your friend about how you feel? Would she be horrified to realise how you are being treated?

I would go home if it's that bad ( unless there's anything you can do yourself to enjoy this time...eg spa treatments etc)

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:28

I asked my friend if everything is ok but she also seems to be avoiding me. I honestly think of anything I have done wrong. I'm not sure why my friend invited me to be honest.

I have asked people about them and shown an interest in their lives and conversations but no one has bothered to get to know me or ask questions about me and when I mention anything about my life that is relevant they do a little false laugh.

I feel I must be annoying and that's fine as I can't be everyone's cup of tea but it is difficult when I am away with these people.

I am quite different to both groups as I'm the only mum and I do look and dress differently to them.

OP posts:
Mrsknowitall · 13/07/2024 14:29

How long of the holiday do you have left? If it was me I think I’d do my own thing, get a good book and read it by the pool, go for a nice spa treatment, find a nice restaurant and go for a meal then go home to your children all refreshed, forget the others now and make your own plans, try not to feel hurt and make the most of YOUR time then when you get back tell your friend to never persuade you to do that again, she’s out of order and no friend to you knowing that you knew nobody else there she should of made you the priority friend as everyone else knew someone. It’s really shitty behaviour of all of them.

Yellowrayofsunshine · 13/07/2024 14:29

Hi op, sorry this has happened to you. This has happened to me in the past on a much smaller scale (5 of us) and i stuck it out and it didn’t get any better, I wished idve gone home early. It sounds like being back in high school to be honest, it doesn’t cost anything to be friendly, don’t waste anymore time, please go home and see your dc, and chalk it up to a bad experience. I wish I did.

MeAgainAndAgain · 13/07/2024 14:29

What would it cost to go home early and can you afford that?

Otherwise, just focus on having a decent time. Can you do your own thing, are there places to visit etc?

And I’m not sure I’d engage particularly with the friend any more. I’m presuming she can see what is going on. She knows you are here knowing only one person. She knows everyone else is here in a group.

Put yourself first. Everyone else is putting themselves first.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 13/07/2024 14:30

If you can afford it I'd get a flight back asap.

Your friend isn't really a friend if she's not making you feel welcome and actively trying to involve you in what's going on. Her friends are not nice people.

ChickenDeChick · 13/07/2024 14:32

I'd go home op, I'd find it too awkward to enjoy myself even if I tried to do my own thing they would still be around.

Sorry this has happened to you 😕

TomatoSandwiches · 13/07/2024 14:32

I'd either leave and not say anything or make the most of the time there to relax and do what I want.

Either way I'd not bother maintaining the friendship anymore.

IgnoranceNotOk · 13/07/2024 14:34

YANBU - if you can enjoy it without them and laze around reading then do otherwise come back.

Did someone drop out and that’s why you were begged to come?

I think I’d just ask what their problem was to at least find out and possibly clear the air.

converseandjeans · 13/07/2024 14:35

That sounds horrible & I think you should just go home & spend time with your family. They sound really immature. I don't know whether you should even say you're heading home. Are you sharing a room with anyone?

Gazelda · 13/07/2024 14:35

Their behaviour says a lot more about them than it does you OP.

When are you due to fly home?

NalafromtheLionKing · 13/07/2024 14:36

I would also go home without bothering to let the others know and go NC with the “friend”.

Marata · 13/07/2024 14:36

Wow. Fuck them. Adult women who behave like high school mean girls make me want to vomit.

It sounds like you’ve got a healthy perspective on it all. I think you should do whatever you would like to do and whatever would make you happy. Which might mean going home to see the DC, but also given that you have paid money for the trip and it’s only a few days left, if it was me I might find some sight-seeing that I really wanted to do and could enjoy on my own, or maybe see if the hotel is running any good group tours/trips? Or as a PP said just peace out with a good book by the pool, get some nice spa treatments. etc. Maybe try chatting to the other guests and see if they are friendlier than this lot!

StormingNorman · 13/07/2024 14:37

What is wrong with people??? You sound lovely and these mean girls are just unbearably immature. I would try to get a flight home.

TheHuntSyndicate · 13/07/2024 14:38

Dump them and so your own thing for the rest of the holiday.

Then dump the friend when you're home.

Gatecrashermum · 13/07/2024 14:38

I'd just ditch the lot of them and enjoy a solo holiday for the last few days. You've spent money to be there (and presumably arranged childcare) and you'll just have to fork out more to go home early.

Take the opportunity to read a book in the sunshine, swim in the pool, eat nice food. It's a real treat going to a restaurant and just having yourself to please - and just reading a book.

Do some solo sightseeing if that's an option. Try and make the most of the time you have left.

The other women are being rude and their behaviour is perplexing but I'd not try and work out what's gone on. Just enjoy your holiday.

And ditch the friend permanently.

betterangels · 13/07/2024 14:38

Horrible. I'd book a flight and go home. I'm sorry that happened. I'd be considering the future of the friendship.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/07/2024 14:38

Wow. What a bunch of bitches. Sorry OP. Go home immediately if you can afford it. If not just imagine you are on holiday on your own - these are strangers after all, so fuck their rejection, and your friend is no friend. As PPs have said, relax, read, make no further attempt to be a part of things, and embrace the fact you can do as you please.

notatinydancer · 13/07/2024 14:39

Awful for you , I'd go home and I'd tell your 'friend' why.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 13/07/2024 14:40

Please don’t convince yourself you deserve this treatment it’s their problem not yours

youwouldthink · 13/07/2024 14:40

Have to say I'd get a flight home ASAP and just block the 'friend' .. what an awful way to treat someone. Hopefully there are reasonable flights to get home.
I certainly wouldn't let them know I was leaving either!

BigCuteBaby567 · 13/07/2024 14:40

I'm quite confident and not shy but even I'd find that unbelievable difficult. You've stumbled into some weird dynamics and your friend is not sticking with you which is very hurtful.

Your friend probably knew these friends can be like this and asked you to come so you can be her safety blanket. But now she's been accepted by one group, she's dumped you.

I'd fly home or book myself somewhere on my own if possible. Either way, get away from them for your own sanity.

betterangels · 13/07/2024 14:41

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 13/07/2024 14:40

Please don’t convince yourself you deserve this treatment it’s their problem not yours

This, OP. Don't take it on.

BowlOfNoodles · 13/07/2024 14:41

No doubt in my mind that your friends been slagging you off behind your back else why are they comfortable treating you like that? please leave asap with no announcement and block her

user1492757084 · 13/07/2024 14:42

You don't need their company - they are like mean school girls.
Decide what to do for the rest of the time to entirely suit yourself.
Enjoy the alone time. Meet some locals, shop, read, swim, take tours and sleep to your own liking.

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