Aibu to want to go home

[geekygirldoesnotfitin]

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

What a bunch of cunts. I'm actually embarrassed for them, it's incredibly childish and pathetic.
I'd be off on the earliest flight. If there isn't anything or it's a fortune, I'd buy a few decent books and sit by the pool reading for the last few days or plan some sightseeing on my own. Don't make anymore effort. Once you are back in the UK drop "friend" like a hot rock.

This is miserable for you! I would honestly go home. I really would. Your 'friend' has made it clear she is superficial and shallow and doesn't care about you, her treatment of you is horrible. Every day that you're there, every hour will remind you she is with her friends and you are not one of them.

Go home and be with your children! Do yourself a favour! Leave straight away or tonight if you can.

I'd actually book another hotel somewhere for the next few days have a lovely break, a bubble bath, some G&Ts, sight see, read a book, get a massage all without being watched or feeling judged and go home to my kids having had a refreshing break and prevented this whole episode from being a bad memory

Reading your comments again, OP, I wonder if your "friend" asked you because someone pulled out and they didn't want to spread the cost between the rest of them, so she needed your money. Then she told her friends that you weren't going to be hanging around with them, spoiling their influencer vibe, and would be doing your own thing. But she didn't tell you that, hence why she's avoiding you too. This is 100% on her.

Frankly I'd be going home AND asking her for a refund.

I might text the first sentence of that message but not the second. Because I wouldn’t be happy to have a coffee with someone who’s behaved the way she has, and I also wouldn’t be putting myself in a situation where I’m reaching out to her and she’s free to reject the invitation if she wants.

I would want to fly home early and not tell them. I would want them to worry about me and wonder where I am (although they sound far too self absorbed to do that). I would block and delete the "friend"

It sounds horrible. Your "friend" is horrible and has horrible friends.

Don't put up with this treatment OP. You can either go home, or distance yourself from this group and do your own thing. Whichever you prefer.

It is not you, it is them. Perhaps they are not on an exact wavelength with you (you say that you are the only one with DC); there is obviously some dynamic going on with them but chances are it is something really petty and stupid. It is not normal to behave like this, ostracising members of a group is playground bullying and should be regarded with the contempt it deserves.

I had a similar experience on a holiday I went on with a friend & her DH several years ago, among the group were her 2 other single female friends so we were thrown together a lot, had to share a room etc. None of us knew each other before but the 2 friends really hit it off. Nothing wrong with that but they would chat to each other only & I was excluded. If I tried to join in they ignored me, sometimes they would whisper to each other when I was the only other one there.

It was just excruciating, sitting in a hotel room in the mornings/evenings/nights being ignored. On a holiday I had paid for and wanted to be enjoying.

At the time I had very little confidence, so I kept second guessing myself - were they really deliberately shutting me out the way it felt? What had I done/what was the matter with me? Looking back though it is obvious they were just blatantly rude and spiteful, it was no more complicated than that.

Id go home, it sounds miserable and they sound like absolute dicks.

I'd just do my own thing, be polite if spoken to but not bother attempting to interact with them again otherwise.

Then when you get home, tell your 'friend' what a cow she is and block her.

I wonder if you were asked to fill a place someone else dropped out of and one or both groups are childishly taking out disappointment at someone they know not attending, on you... Might explain why your friend was insistent that you come?

Whatever the 'reason' though, it isn't OK to behave this way and your supposed friend is an absolute shit.

Fuck them all. They are nothing but a bunch of immature bitches. I can just imagine them all with their fake nails, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake tits, fake faces and fucking fake personalities. Fuck. Them. All. OP

Enjoy the next few days. Lie by the pool or go sightseeing or just pamper yourself. And when you get home, tell your 'friend' to fuck off.

I'm so angry for you. Tell us what airport you're flying back into and they'll be met by an angry Mumsnet mob with flaming torches and placards 🤬

You sound lovely, it’s definitely them.

Hi OP, I had my first solo holiday abroad last year just a few days away in Italy, and after the first day of feeling a bit self-conscious, I loved it! It was super relaxing. If you can spend a few days chilling out in the sun, it will do you the world of good. I wouldn't consider the inviter my friend anymore, though.

What a bunch of nasty bitches to treat you like that 😠 if you can get a flight relatively cheaply and you want to go home early, I'd do that. If it's going to cost you a fortune, I'd just ignore them and do your own thing as much as possible. If you do leave, I'd just go and not say anything. Send your friend a text when you've left and tell her how rude and nasty they all are!

Absolutely!

That doesn't make much sense, though, if there were already two separate groups of her friends going? Or are you saying she asked you in case both groups of friends dropped out?

It sounds to me as if you've just unfortunately fallen between the groups, both of whom know one another. I'm sure you've done nothing to upset anyone, you're just not in either group, no one's met you before, and your 'friend', for whatever reason, seems to have decided that, although she begged you to come on this trip, it's not her responsibility to help you integrate, or make sure you're not left out.

Who knows what the dynamics between the two groups are like, anyway, especially if, as you say, your friend, who is the sole person who knows everyone on the holiday, is spending all her time with one group? Anyway, not your problem.

I would find a way to enjoy yourself solo for the rest of the trip -- go and take a day trip, or to something that's better experienced alone, like an art gallery? And your takeaway from the holiday should be never to holiday again with strangers. This scenario was never likely to go well for you, even if there had been only one group of your 'friend's friends.

I can't think of anything worse than holidaying with people I don't know and leaving my children behind for that in the first place. It might not be anything personal. Sometimes people just don't really gel and that's fine. I'd go home to your kids and not waste anymore time. I'd also rethink the friendship.

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

There are some people who when in groups have to have a 'goat'. The 'goat' is the person they 'isolate' within the group to prove to themselves how superior they are. They can't feel 'good' about themselves unless they're making someone else feel 'bad' and excluded. Unfortunately it sounds as if both groups have nominated you as the 'goat'.

I'd do one of two things if it were feasible; either invent an emergency and leave now, or move to another hotel and enjoy the time on my own, doing my own thing and having a room to myself. As a mum we get little enough 'me time' so you may as well take advantage of it. What I wouldn't do is hang around trying to ingratiate myself. You tried and it didn't work, so fuck them all.

If neither were possible I'd physically separate myself from the group as much as possible, doing my own thing, rather than hanging around them in the background.

Your 'friend' is a nasty person and no friend. I think you're right that she wanted a big 'entourage' for her Insta. I know we use the phrase for romantic partners but speaking of her as a friend, frankly she's giving me the Ick.

@FoundObject you are just making excuses. If they were nice people they wouldn't have made the OP feel isolated like they are doing. They sound horrible.

The mean part of me thinks the OP should tag her influencer friend in real unfiltered shots or send behind the scenes shots to the account Influencers in the Wild

This is bloody sad to read. I am fuming for you lovely op. I echo pp who said you sound wonderful and I would use this as an opportunity to please only yourself and bloody well ignore the 2 gangs of witches.

We all need a break sometimes and you’re already there so your holiday starts now and they can all piss off because you don’t need them.

shame on every single one of them 😡

If it was me, I think I’d do everything I wanted to do over the next few days. I’d take myself off with a book, sit outside cafes and people watch, have a wander around the old town (I love an old town), I’d have dinner at a different place or a different time and I’d feel no obligation to even pretend to want to join in with them. Think of it as a mini break before seeing your DC again.

But if you’d feel uncomfortable with that, then definitely see if you can get an earlier flight home. Don’t bother telling any of them you’re leaving early and if your friend does message you to see where you are, reply ‘currently somewhere over the Alps. Enjoy the rest of your holiday’. And then switch your phone off.

Unflattering angles? Unedited pictures? Tage her in all of them 😂

Are you in a nice place? If you are happy enough to do your own thing - sightseeing, spa, reading, nice meals, then I'd do that. Ditch the groups and make the most of some "me" time before going back to "mum" time.

And obviously downgrade the "friend" to an acquaintance.

BobbyBiscuits, OP meant she was a big girl as in she could accept some of the treatment, not her size.

and if your friend does message you to see where you are

Leave it on unread and make her worry.