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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want to go home

608 replies

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 13/07/2024 14:43

I am guessing they invited you for your share of the cost. They sound awful. I am so sorry.

UneFoisAuChalet · 13/07/2024 14:44

Leave now and don’t say a word. They sound like a pack of bitches.

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:46

We have 3 days left of the holiday.

Thanks everyone you have made me feel a bit better.

I feel it must be something I have done because why would people act like this otherwise. It's not normal is it. Starting to think I'm annoying without realising it.

I'm happy in my own company so for today at least il do my own thing. I'm sat alone but next to them now anyway.

OP posts:
Bettysnow · 13/07/2024 14:48

Really nasty and that so called friend who asked you along needs dumped for good!
I'd go home and wouldn't bother telling any of them anything and when your "friend "eventually realises you're gone and asks why you left give her both barrels then block her

Crinklycrisp · 13/07/2024 14:48

I'd just potter around doing my own thing and ignore the lot of them for the next 3 days. Ditch your friend when you get home and tell her why.

They sound like horrible people.

BusyBeeBee82 · 13/07/2024 14:49

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:46

We have 3 days left of the holiday.

Thanks everyone you have made me feel a bit better.

I feel it must be something I have done because why would people act like this otherwise. It's not normal is it. Starting to think I'm annoying without realising it.

I'm happy in my own company so for today at least il do my own thing. I'm sat alone but next to them now anyway.

I wouldn’t even bother sitting with them.

depending on the type of holiday I’d either try and go solo and please myself etc or book an early flight home, leave without them noticing etc and block my “friend” enroute to the airport.

what a bunch of horrible cows. It’s most likely them rather than you and if it was something you’d unintentionally done, the least is they should’ve told you so it could be cleared up.

Madamlulu · 13/07/2024 14:50

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I'm so sorry it's like this for you.

I agree with the earlier poster who said they are behaving like High School kids.

It sounds like you are different to them and they are being nasty towards you. That's so impolite and nasty and it must be a horrible environment to be in.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

MounjaroUser · 13/07/2024 14:50

What @Bettysnow says: I'd go home and wouldn't bother telling any of them anything and when your "friend "eventually realises you're gone and asks why you left give her both barrels then block her

BrendaSmall · 13/07/2024 14:50

What about transport when you land back in the airport, how are you getting from the airport and home all of you?

f it was me, I’d go and do my own thing and let them get on with it.

MounjaroUser · 13/07/2024 14:51

I'd try to get an early morning flight, OP. This friend isn't a friend at all. Would you have to see her at all afterwards, eg at work?

the2andahalfmillion · 13/07/2024 14:51

Can you afford to go and stay somewhere else? I’d leave a card on the table saying ‘I’m off to do my own thing as I feel uncomfortable here’ and then leave. Might be a bit awkward if you are on the plane home with them though.

anchoviesanchovies · 13/07/2024 14:51

That is awful. I would do whichever option makes you feel happiest, go off on your own for the rest of the trip or fly home early. I would certainly avoid anything to do with either group, and your “friend”.

whyamisotiredallthetime · 13/07/2024 14:52

I'm so sorry this is happening to you
I'm fuming on your behalf

I'd wait till no one was paying attention , go pack and get myself home to my family
I'd just ghost the so called friend without saying a word

If she asks I'd say " Why would I stay somewhere I'd been made to feel like a nuisance and really unwelcome ? "

Noshowlomo · 13/07/2024 14:52

What a bunch of bitches. Either spend 2 days doing what you feel like, or go home but don’t tell them

cocog · 13/07/2024 14:52

Go and buy a great book and some snacks and magazines and wine sit in the sun rest and recharge by yourself and don’t bother making any conversations with them there rude make the rest of your holiday about you!

Noshowlomo · 13/07/2024 14:52

And never speak to your friend again

GelatinousDynamo · 13/07/2024 14:52

So sorry this has happened to you. You do not need them. Is there anything fun, beautiful or interesting you could see or do on your own? Or a nice spa hotel you could book for the final two nights?
I would just try to use the time as a really nice holiday and treat myself, but I also really like to be alone. If you're feeling lonely, then maybe you should make a few videos to show your kids when you get home? It would be a little like talking to them, while still being on holiday.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 13/07/2024 14:53

Awww that sounds awful @geekygirldoesnotfitin and tbh I can relate. I often feel like an outsider in group situations. I am never the loud gobby one, and I always sit quietly at the back and don't say much. (Afraid of being mocked and derided. Or talked over. I get talked over quite often by the gobby ones who like the sound of their own voice!)

For this reason I am often pushed out. I'm rarely invited to parties or weddings either, (not as the main guests/the ones they really want there.) I am always in the 'extra ones to fill out the venue, if the ones we want to come don't turn up' category! Sad (Unless it's family or very close friends.)

I would go home if you're able OP. If you don't want to say why, just say you don't feel well. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. How unpleasant. You are worth 100 of them! Flowers

ricecrispiecakes · 13/07/2024 14:53

I agree with those saying to go home, or maybe see if you can move rooms or even hotels if possible?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/07/2024 14:53

It’s not you 1 I’d bet on it. Two groups of friends have gone on this holiday, plus you. Each group of friends probably just want to hang together and don’t have the kindness or character to include you - they see it as outside of their responsibility so are scapegoating you as an easy outsider. It’s groupthink, ugly group dynamics, and nothing to do with who you are.

andthat · 13/07/2024 14:53

@geekygirldoesnotfitin please don’t tie yourself up in knots trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong. This is about them, not you. You come across very well on your posts.

Think about what you want to do next. Go home or stay. And then do that. Don’t think about your friend and what she will think… she clearly isn’t thinking of you.

Life is too short to be trying to ‘fit in’, especially with women who sound like they don’t deserve your friendship in the first place. ❤️

the2andahalfmillion · 13/07/2024 14:53

Oh, and your ‘friend’ sounds spineless and weak. Normal people would realize the odd one out might feel a bit lonely and make efforts to engage with you.

JackieGoodman · 13/07/2024 14:54

It won't be something you've done, don't overthink it. They are just bitches and have formed a "mean girls" gang, lovely!
If you feel up to it try to talk to the one who is (supposed to be) your friend. But not in a "what have I done?" way, more in a "What's ups with you leaving me out and ignoring me?" basically, call her out on her behaviour. Hopefully she'll see sense and you'll get an apology.
If you don't feel up to that, just try to read, swim, enjoy time to yourself, you don't fit in for whatever reason and it's not your fault.
Its not you, its them Flowers

Am805463 · 13/07/2024 14:54

I would get a flight home early, I wouldn’t tell them either other than a quick text. Awful behaviour from them.

Reallybadidea · 13/07/2024 14:55

Life is too short to be miserable on a holiday you're paying for. I'd fly home early too, if that's an option.