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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want to go home

608 replies

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Trappistic · 20/07/2024 23:00

I have found coming home from a holiday I'm not enjoying can give one a great sense of independence and liberation. Providing it isn't costing you more than you can afford just leave all that stress and anxiety behind. As for the people have had the misfortune to get involved with, I would forget the lot of them. The people at home will be delighted to have you back and give you the love you clearly deserve

VeryHappyBunny · 20/07/2024 23:28

Tartfulodger · 20/07/2024 20:38

So she is getting away with treating you appallingly then. You're far more forgiving than I am. I would have given her both barrels and not held back. What she did was unforgivable.

I don't think this "friend" is worth the trouble or energy of even bothering to let her know how you feel, just don't have any more contact. You've got too busy a schedule to fit her in if she ever calls. A true friend would never have behaved as she did and you are well rid of her. Eventually those sort of people alienate everyone and they end up on their own. The fact she "begged" you to go suggests one of their "mates" dropped out and they needed a patsy to cover the cost, if it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. Whoever it was would have been treated the same as you were, it definitely wasn't personal.

I'm glad you're back with your family and true friends and feeling better. Wishing you a happy life because you deserve it.

thisisthelifeamtold · 20/07/2024 23:38

How awful, thats rude and basically kind of ignorant. So I think, if you can, maybe try and book yourself on something fun, or whatever is available, and say, "am gonna do this tomoro if anyone's fancying coming?" And if your met with no takers or something like, "who does she think she is?" Then go do your own thing and forget em. That's if it's affordable to stay and do that, if it's better for you in terms of your own well being to go home to your family and wee ones, go, cos it ain't worth it to stay and feel upset.

SoreAndTired1 · 21/07/2024 00:15

thisisthelifeamtold · 20/07/2024 23:38

How awful, thats rude and basically kind of ignorant. So I think, if you can, maybe try and book yourself on something fun, or whatever is available, and say, "am gonna do this tomoro if anyone's fancying coming?" And if your met with no takers or something like, "who does she think she is?" Then go do your own thing and forget em. That's if it's affordable to stay and do that, if it's better for you in terms of your own well being to go home to your family and wee ones, go, cos it ain't worth it to stay and feel upset.

Edited

Please read all of the OP's replies. She's been back home for days now!

BriansGotHisWinkyOutAgain · 21/07/2024 01:48

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 20/07/2024 20:34

Hi

Thanks so much to everyone who has commented.

I haven't been back on to update as I was tired when I got home then one on my dc was poorly and kindly passed it to me. I have been working and sleeping and not much else.

I haven't heard from my friend since I have been back.
When she asked if I was ok the night before I left I said yes and that I was just missing my dc. I didn't want to deal with any drama and I had made the decision to go and distance myself anyway.
I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.
I'm happy to be back with my family and friends and I have been speaking as normal to my other friends and so feel much better about it all now.
I am going out for dinner tomorrow with a real friend and she invited me simply because she likes spending time together so it made me realise that it's not totally a me problem. My other real friend asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her this morning as she did not know I had been unwell. Being around/communicating with them has been very healing.

Thanks again

I'm so glad you have spent quality time with your true friends. You're a much better person than I am for being serene!

Mmhmmn · 21/07/2024 01:58

Am805463 · 13/07/2024 14:54

I would get a flight home early, I wouldn’t tell them either other than a quick text. Awful behaviour from them.

Glad to see you came home early and spending time with actual friends. Drop the one that invited you on that shitshow of a holiday.

Codlingmoths · 21/07/2024 04:16

False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.
true friends are like diamonds, precious and rare

daisychain01 · 21/07/2024 04:50

I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.

very wise move, @geekygirldoesnotfitin

It reminded me of when I made the worst decision ever which was to go on holiday with two firm friends from work. Two's company three's a crowd applies. I don't know what possessed me, agreeing to that. They ignored me for the whole week, it was the most dreadful and depressing experience ever! Never again. I'd sooner go on holiday alone.

Bill98502 · 21/07/2024 07:05

OP, reading your posts made me want to fly to help you. We could find a lot to chat about. Then watch how the others react when a male 82 y/o Yank joins the group.

Geiyotue · 21/07/2024 10:20

Bill98502 · 21/07/2024 07:05

OP, reading your posts made me want to fly to help you. We could find a lot to chat about. Then watch how the others react when a male 82 y/o Yank joins the group.

This is such a weird response, and a bit creepy.

JamMam10 · 21/07/2024 10:24

I don’t know what the answer is but that’s tough - you’ve every right to be confused. Adults can feel lonely and excluded and it’s not any easier than when we were small kids. Hang in there

S1234b · 21/07/2024 10:35

Awful she is not a friend
I would just see if there is a flight and just go if possible i wouldn't even tell them
If not just as others get your self a book and stay by pool
See what activity is around the hotel

MischkasMum · 21/07/2024 11:05

Quite frankly, I'd tell them ALL to "go forth and multiply" - but it certainly wouldn't be as polite as that. I don't know why you've put up with this for so long. As for your "friend"? Kick THAT into touch. With friends like her, who needs enemies? She's treated you abominably and there's no bloody excuse for basically pleading with you to go on this holiday, then actively ostracizing you. Just not on.

Get away from this toxic bunch as soon as you can.

HeartandSeoul · 21/07/2024 11:11

MischkasMum & S1234b

She’s already home, having left early.

rebeccasays · 21/07/2024 12:29

Enjoy the rest of the holiday by yourself, or go home early if you really prefer.

At some point you just have to give up on people who just don't seem to value you. They might start to show more interest if they realize you don't need them and can rise above it. But It sounds like they have already shown their true colours.

Arconialiving · 21/07/2024 12:31

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

Horsecalledrhubard · 21/07/2024 13:03

Horrible people. Glad you are home and ok.

HonoraryMummy · 21/07/2024 14:37

Ghost your "friend" and the whole rotten bunch. You don't owe them an explanation. If it's convenient for you and you really want to, stay and enjoy the holiday as a solo trip, go on a walking tour, get a spa treatment or just laze by the pool (and go for long, long swims - they will be seething as they wait for you to get out in your own sweet time...). But personally I'd probably just get the next flight home. Just don't tell them what you're planning to do. Don't engage with them at all. It doesn't matter what they think.

Arconialiving · 21/07/2024 15:44

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

HeartandSeoul · 21/07/2024 16:26

Arconialiving · 21/07/2024 15:44

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

😂😂😂

MeAgainAndAgain · 21/07/2024 18:55

HonoraryMummy · 21/07/2024 14:37

Ghost your "friend" and the whole rotten bunch. You don't owe them an explanation. If it's convenient for you and you really want to, stay and enjoy the holiday as a solo trip, go on a walking tour, get a spa treatment or just laze by the pool (and go for long, long swims - they will be seething as they wait for you to get out in your own sweet time...). But personally I'd probably just get the next flight home. Just don't tell them what you're planning to do. Don't engage with them at all. It doesn't matter what they think.

I wouldn’t get the next flight home. I think the best thing is for OP to time travel and fly home last Sunday.

alrightluv · 21/07/2024 22:21

@MeAgainAndAgain 🤣

TomTom2022 · 21/07/2024 23:06

Horrible bitches just enjoy time on your own and dump that so called friend she's horrible

RampantIvy · 21/07/2024 23:18

TomTom2022 · 21/07/2024 23:06

Horrible bitches just enjoy time on your own and dump that so called friend she's horrible

The OP has been home for a week.

Margo2023 · 25/07/2024 20:55

Thought I would bump the thread to make 600! @geekygirldoesnotfitin given such a mammoth thread I'm sure many of us are curious as to whether you had any contact or conversation with your friend post holiday?