To cancel going to a wedding because I'm pregnant?

[indiiii]

I have a wedding to attend next weekend. For context, I live down south and the wedding is up north. A 5 hour ish drive dependent on traffic. I normally wouldn't have any problem doing this, I have travelled to all my friends weddings (I moved away years ago). But I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and getting really uncomfortable driving to work even never mind that much of a long distance. I accepted the rsvp last year before I even knew I was pregnant, so can't be helped, but I think friends will fall out with me if I don't go... and part of me thinks rightly so as it's wasting their money, I really don't want to let them down. But I just underestimated how tired I'd still be in the 2nd trimester and the drive is crazy. Train is a no go too as so expensive unfortunately.

Help, I feel so bad but I just don't know what to do, I don't want to lose a friend over it!

I agree. Just sit down a lot and leave early.

Would it be feasible in terms of time/money to book a cheap room somewhere en route? You could also as pps have said just plan to break up the journey with longish stops depending on what you need. Depends what you can stretch to, but maybe forking out for the train would be cheaper than a Travelodge night either side? Just a thought.

This in buckets…. I mean you are pregnant not sick 🙄

Of course it is poor form to cancel attending a wedding with little notice, but only you know how "uncomfortable" you will be and if being "uncomfortable" on the journey is worth letting a friend down and upsetting them the week running up to their wedding. If you are going to bail on them do it today as they will have seating plans to rearrange.

This

WTF are these replies.

Of course you can cancel.

I wouldn't be driving five hours tired and 24 weeks pregnant if I wasn't feeling it.

I’d go and take it easy

honestly you must feel a bit crap but it is really worth making the effort and keeping your hand in with friends.

mat leave was fine for me but a very lonely time for many.

the kind of women that cancel a week before a wedding because they are pregnant are the kind that lament all their friends abandoned them “because they had a baby”

I’d cancel and send them a cheque for the amount your invite /place cost they will of had to confirm numbers by now and will have to pay for it

I travelled from the north west to the south west at 36 weeks for a relatives wedding. I felt well. Had a couple of stops, it was fine. Can you plan to travel while the roads are quieter?
I didn't drive, I was a passenger. I think unless there are other issues with your pregnancy you could absolutely go.
You are going to be tired for the foreseeable future after all!

Are you registered on Trainline website? If not, do do and download the app. I find that if you look for trains on the app (and logged in) they come up cheaper than simply looking on a web browser plus Trainline will automatically offer you split save tickets if they’re available.

Far too short notice unfortunately. Only emergencies are really an acceptable excuse at this late stage.

Every pregnancy is different so I won't comment on that but for the Sciatica I can recommend a mini tens machine.
They are safe in pregnancy and not expensive
Regarding the journey if you do go. See if you can split the journey on the train
There is an app( split fare?) which shows various options and you could get a joint railcard if DH plans to attend

At 36 weeks I drove from south east England to Scotland for a wedding (I would normally have flown but couldn’t get on a flight at 36 weeks) and danced all night. Wouldn’t have missed it for the world. You can do what you like, we are all different, but I wouldn’t impressed if I was your friend.

When I was 40 weeks pregnant I climbed Snowdon in a halterneck pencil dress and stilettos to attend my boss' wife's cousin's open air mountain top wedding. It was January, blowing a gale and hailing and I was in the early stages of labour but you know, you have to make the effort and not let others down, don't you?

Sarcasm aside (I don't even have children) ... wtf? The bride is the OP's friend. Why would she want her to suffer all day to attend a long distance wedding? I'd trust my friends enough to know they wouldn't cancel for no good reason. And I care about my friends enough to not want them to be ill, miserable and in pain all day just for me.

The money is spent anyway. It might be that an evening guest would love an upgrade. You can't guarantee all seats at a wedding will be used. What is someone woke up on the morning of the wedding with D&V or a migraine? Must be a common occurence. There's always a risk someone won't be able to come even though (presumably) all the guests value the couple and want to go. People can only do their best.

I think I'd do my best to go, OP, but I wouldn't go cone hell or high water. If you're not well enough then you're not well enough.

Get the train and chill

It's also not fair to suggest OP pays for her space. She's said she can't afford to go on the train so obv she can't afford to pay for the space either.

Exactly this.

I think you were very lucky but very foolish!

But it's completely different driving to being a passenger- you have to concentrate continuously, can't have a nap obviously, and have to sit in a much more fixed position with your R leg constantly extended which could be incredibly painful with sciatica- you really can't compare the two.

You're 24 weeks pregnant, not chronically ill.

It's gonna be a long rest of your pregnancy OP, If that's the way you want to deal with these things.

I can imagine you posting in 4 months time asking AIBU to want my friends to be more interested in my baby.

What's attending a friends wedding got to do with high blood pressure? If that's the case, she'd have to fake being signed off work then.

Ridiculous.

Not sure why you would call her lucky and foolish??
What's the worse thing that could happen?

It was just an example, I’m not saying I’m a medic. Don’t be so rude.

YABU, you’re pregnant not ill. if you cancel you have to be prepared to lose the friendship, I’ve lost so many friends once they’ve bred. It will make your friend feel like she’s worth a lot less to you. And they will have paid for your place, so you must offer to cover the cost.

Theeternalrocksbeneath · Today 09:49
I have to say, that despite my sympathy for how you’re feeling, you would be unreasonable to cancel the weekend before the wedding. That’s really not fair - I think the time to let your friends know you won’t be attending has come and gone.”

I disagree. A good friend should uunderstand. .