To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

Maybe to him the getting married when your baby is a bit older is like said&done, all decided? Right he doesn't want to get engaged or married right now becaus he's convinced you agreed on doing this in a few years?

He's doing everything a loving partner should be doing but you're still not happy? He was probably planning a surprise engagement but you've dampened it now with pestering him.

I had a boyfriend who gave me an “eternity ring” when I was 24, but whenever I’d try to talk to him about getting engaged or married everything would always be a vague number of years into the future. 4 years later when I confronted him and asked for a clear date he confessed and said he actually had no plans to get married anytime soon. We broke up shortly after.
My ex husband proposed 6 months after we met and we got married 1 year after he proposed. Men who actually want to get married do so, regardless of the excuses we make for those that dance around the subject.

If you keep up the pushing, you’re in danger of driving him away. However ‘right’ you are. Do you want that?

Not pushing anything guys we are adults here. If he wants to marry me and get engaged I take it why lie . It doesn't make sense for a grown man in his fourties. He wouldn't have even wanted the baby if he wasn't serious or move in together. Let's be real. The fact that he reacted the way he did I didn't like and I made it known he actually apologised and we discussed the intentions again.

But because I'm aware that guys pull that kind of crap where they string their partners along (and he did that in his last relationship as he had no intentionof marrying her but then i dont know the ins and outs) I am not gonna just let it go. If in 1-2 years no words on anything or no mentions of engagement rings etc or surprises then it's time for a conversation. In any case I believe I'll be alright

I really don't get why you're gonna sit in your hands like a plum for another couple of years. It's just a complete waste of your time.

This guy sounds worse with every update OP. So he strung his last gf along as well? But you don’t know the “ins and outs of it”?
He’s 41. If he wanted to be married, he’d be married.
He doesn't want to be married. I’m sorry.

My niece got engaged at Christmas, married in May. They've been together around 10 years. Believe him when he tells you he loves you and wants to marry you. He obviously wants certain things in place before officially proposing. Enjoy your life together as it is for now. No big rush for anything else.

But we are serious not just to see his child every day. That's the difference
How do you know that? You got pregnant before you even knew each other so you're not really going to know whether it's because of the baby, are you? He sticks around whether he really wants to or not. He told you that 🙄
Not pushing anything guys we are adults here. If he wants to marry me and get engaged I take it why lie . It doesn't make sense for a grown man in his fourties. He wouldn't have even wanted the baby if he wasn't serious or move in together. Let's be real
Someone does need to be real here
Umm, lets see. Why would he lie? 😂
He was with someone else for 11 years without marrying and, of course he's going to tell you the version that he knows will sit best with you. He's in his forties. Clearly not 'great' at relationships. And now he has something he's never had and may never have. A child
Having a baby might have got him to stick around, but a ring is just that. A nice piece of jewellery that you seem to think is some kind of contract. It wasn't last time 🤷‍♀️

If he didn't want me or love me he wouldn't stick around at all because of the baby. That's just silly. I even suggested abortion so I made it easy if you like. I dont know why he didn't marry her or if she even wanted that
.

He likes what he’s got—no doubt about it. But that doesn’t tell you what the future will bring.

If Im hungry I will eat what is in front of me. And I might like it very much. But I don’t commit to the same meal every day, in advance, because I expect that I might want something different in a few days. Or years.

Or I might like my rental apartment enough to decorate it/-but I don’t invest much money in it because its not mine. I will move into a forever home eventually and I save my money snd keep my options open for that.

My bro met my SIL and six months later proposed to her. If you know, you know. If people want to be with you for the long haul they generally want to make the public and legal commitment.

Of course there are all the cool chicks here with “he never said a word to me in 63 years of cohabitation and that’s just the way I like it!” “I never had no ring in two separate marriages and Im happy as a clam” etc..

But you have a baby already and he seems to want a monopoly on your time, body, fertility, and gf labour. Its quite reasonable to want him to piss or get off the pot.

You could get engaged and then he would still not marry you. You can keep playing it cool with him or show him that you are dead serious by asking for marriage within a year or reassess the situation. I also thought you were early twenties!!

It's nothing to do with 'cool chicks' and everything to do with her communicating exactly what she wants, when she wants it and follow through if it doesn't materialize. The sitting around like a damsel in distress is doing her no favours.

Based on what exactly? Because I fell pregnant early? That happened right or wrong.

I communicated already and he told me he will propose as that's what his intentions are. I already communicated with him that I don't want to be a forever gf and he doesn't want that either. I do have my doubts obviously as it hasn't happened yet and yes 1.5 yrs is a bit early given that we didn't have a lot of alone time in the relationship but there are no guarantees in this life. I would not tolerate to live with someone 8 years let's say with a kid and still being a gf. But 1.5 years is way too early. Having said that, I insist that I would like a symbol of commitment sooner rather than later.

You don't seem to be understanding that a symbol of commitment/ring means absolutely nothing whatsoever. If you're just someone who likes jewellery, go nuts, but don't be under the impression that it means anything at all. But whatever you will tolerate/ not tolerate is up to you at the end of the day.

Why don't you just say, "4 years doesn't work for me" and tell him what timescale you would like to be married in?

The only symbol of commitment is actually being married.

Your partner has already demonstrated this by being engaged to someone he was with for 11 years and never actually marrying her.

Actually a ring would mean something and yes I do like rings etc. It's more the acknowledgement I like not so much the legal protections etc

Yes which I told him it's wrong. He did say at one point they became comfortable and she loved her job so much so she was quite busy in general. Why they didn't get married I don't know.

@Cheesygirl just go and buy the ring you like (from your joint account) and tell him "this is my engagement ring".

hi op!

i think reading you, that you disagree with his timeline.
if you had a child together, that he is serious about it all then he should « put a ring on it » and stay engaged until you both decided to marry.

there is still something odd about it op. Making you wait is just not nice when you shoulder all your responsibilities your side. Is there another reason? The « i don’t want to buy you a cheap ring » is out of line…and defo buys him time.

hmm…there is more to it!

And here it is op.

he doesn’t want to marry. You said you weren’t really bothered about mariage…only now to say that you want it.

his intentions should be clear to you now. He won’t do it anytime soon. Probably not when your daughter is 4 either. He is happy the way things are and will try to maintain that as long as possible…until you are fed up.

They didn't get married because he didn't want to share his money with her or give her any legal protection.

That's why he's also not keen to marry you.

But maybe if you tell him all you want is a pretty ring and you're not asking him to make any real legal commitment he'll relax and buy you one.

Yes, I agree.

This is it in a nutshell. Forget rings, and plans and whatever else. He doesn't give a shit about your financial security. And that will no doubt extend if (, when) you're a lone parent in receipt of maintenance.