To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

Where were you living before you moved in with him?

Is engagement important to you because he has been married and engaged before? Is that what it's about - that the exes had a status (in your eyes) that you don't have?

Good luck with it all OP.

He’d be getting me to the end of my tether with him if I’m honest; BUT we are all different, and we can’t know him or your circumstances fully. I’ve totally changed my opinion based on your ages ( imagined you were a pushy little madam at the start: jumpstarted the family, then pushing the put-a-ring-on-it before he was fully shaving). But I realise a lot of us got that very wrong, which only goes to show we only see a mere portion of the picture online.

I can see this relationship means a lot to you, and I understand how waiting for him would seem the right path for your DC. So I’m not going to say more now to pick apart your relationship, save to warn you to keep in mind some of the comments here as you move forward and interpret developments - and I wish you the best.

Good luck, OP. I for one will be interested to hear how it pans out. Hope you get what you need x

Not at all but a ring is a symbol of commitment especially when you have a kid and your finances are quite intertwined

I understand that and if I didn't have my doubts myself I would not post at all. I had some of my friends disappointed in long term relationships by guys that were supposedly really committed but there were no kids in the picture

A ring is fuck all. DH and I have been married for 20 years and neither of us wears a ring.

@Cheesygirl a ring is a piece of jewellery.
Not a sign of commitment.

You are doing too much inferring from
passing comments and small statements.

you have a child, sit down and address it properly, stop trying to be a detective or mind reader. It doesn’t work.

say what you want and what next steps you want to take in the relationship and long term legal commitment. Don’t be wishy washy. If you want to get married say so. Then find out if he wants the same things, then agree a timeline if he does and rings and budgets etc.

don’t sit around waiting for a man (whose child you’ve birthed) decides wether he wants to marry you or not with no input from you.

marriage and engagement shouldn’t be a surprise it should be an ongoing discussion. At most the proposal can be if that’s your type of thing. But you should know what is happening and that it’s coming

I think you might be ignoring your guy a little bit here. Regardless of what he has said, his behaviour with his previous partner is a sign.

you feel uneasy for a reason.

I wouldn't be discussing engagement rings, I'd be discussing marriage. A ring means nothing but lulls people (usually women) into that false sense of security that is just a smokescreen and they find that, 11 years later, nothing has changed. For your and your child's financial future, I'd want him to commit to a wedding date or he'd better have a damn good reason - I know you think everything's hunky-dory and don't want to upset him, but, if you want to get married then I wouldn't let him wriggle out of setting a date.* *

I'm just trusting he is adult enough to make choices in life and communicate them to me. Under no circumstances I pressured him for either the baby, or moving in together or nothing really. These are choices he made himself. As of now he wants to marry and get engaged to me and communicates that. I'll follow up within 1-2 yrs

Adult enough? What an odd way of putting it.

You want marriage now and he wants it “later”. You want a tangible commitment-which you have given by having a baby with him—and he wants to put off making a similar commitment.

Your wants are not childish and his wants are not realistic. They are counteroffers in a negotiation. A negotiation in which your starting point (I need a public commitment and marriage) is literally being ignored.

Do you want this non-engagement ring as a private thing between you, or are you going to tell people it is a symbolic non-engagement ring?? They will think you are crazy!

Living together, having a baby together, sharing finances, loving each other and showing respect for each other bigger "symbols of commitment" than a non-engagement ring.

tbh I think you want to be married and you want it now and you are trying to find something to satisfy that, while he comes up with reasons to delay, hoping he springs a surprise romantic proposal on you in the future. There is nothing wrong with wanting it now. Tell him if you don't want to wait, there is no reason to wait - your dd will not remember being a flower girl/she can still be in the pictures. Most couples talk about marriage and both agree timelines together before any proposal.

Tbh, it sounds like you're not being adult enough to communicate what you want. You're wasting your own time here and if you're both going to sit back and not communicate (out of apparent stubbornness?) don't be surprised a few years down the line when it doesn't turn out how you would have liked it to.

I really don't understand why you're being so passive about your own life.

I don’t understand grown women who shack up with a guy, have a child together and then get all misty eyed about proposals. Has marriage never come up? Why are you waiting for him to ask you?

Just have an adult conversation with him about marriage. If you’re on the same page, agree a date and do it. If he doesn’t want to get married, time to reassess what’s important to you.

I mean I am OK with wedding or marriage later to be honest but yes I want some tangible symbol of commitment. I know that it may seem weird to some but I would like it.

A ring is not a commitment. You really need to wake up to that. Anyone can buy you anything to promise you something in the future, it means absolutely nothing. You have to get real here.

So essentially you just want him to buy you a ring.

You'll take it as some sort of symbol of commitment. He'll take it as, ffs she keeps going on about a "symbol" in a non-engagement ring so I'll buy her one to quieten her down, and it will mean absolutely NOTHING to him. And likely he will tell his friends/family as much if they privately ask what the ring is about. Great "symbol"!

Just tell him you want to get engaged, set a date for next summer then get married and you will know where his "commitment" is at.

He's already mugging you off though. You've had a child with him and he says 'in 4 more years time' for marriage. Ha. Hahaha ha. Yeah, no. I'd have slung the cheeky fucker out on his arse for that. He's essentially told you marriage is a no.

He's a cheeky cf.

Don't wait 'a year or 2 and revisit'. That's a year or two wasted. He'll just say 'let's plan in a couple more years' and then you wait more because of sunken cost fallacy (because you've invested years already amd dont want them to feel wasted).

@Cheesygirl if he says he "wants to marry you" then you ARE ENGAGED!
I don't seem to understand why you think you aren't.

He's a cheeky fucker for not marrying a woman with whom he had an unplanned pregnancy 3 months after they met?!

Or are we back in the dark ages of shotgun weddings?

That's not what I said though ?

I said he's a cheeky fucker for saying 4 more years! When they're already a year and a half in and have a child together!

(Plus that would take op into territory where conceiving more children would be much harder if they are desired).

Why does it matter whether you're engaged/married? You have a child together. Being engaged or married doesn't guarantee lifetime comittment. Chill out.

Yes, accept he’s told you his timescales and negotiate to pull them closer in time if you want it sooner and the reasons why that’s important to you - he sounds like a decent guy and no men like pressure put on them about when to get engaged. He’s told you already how he feels - now you need to tell him streightif you want it happening sooner!