To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

Well you believe what you want to OP but you don’t sound convinced

Well I didn’t say a proposal had to be made to get married. You can say to each other let’s get married, of course you can.

What I SAID was just because you’ve discussed getting married does not mean you’re then engaged.

Honestly, if you keep nagging him with persistent talk and ultimatums about engagements and marriage, you will get a Shut Up Ring.

The misogyny is strong in you, isn't it?

I was not going to comment as I thought you were early 20s. Then I saw your actual ages, he is a similar age to my DP. He’s happy as things are living together and parenting together, nothing serious but there to see his child each day. It does not sound like he wants any of that to change anytime soon and that’s unfair when you are the mother of his child, 37 and would like to be married so you feel like you have a little bit more security.

So sorry no I do not think he is going to change anytime soon and my suggestion to you would be to aim higher for a person who you love and that you are the love of their life.

And for perspective I’m 50 never married with an adult child. I’ve been with my DP and the love of my life for 20ish years and we only got engaged a few years ago. Still not got any further but we are and have always been fully committed, best friends and own a home together. IF we had been lucky enough to have been able to have a baby we would have married before the baby arrived to give our child the best security and life that we could manage.

But we are serious not just to see his child every day. That's the difference.

I'm not nagging him this is something he has said repeatedly he wants to do. Now if he doesn't follow thru and he is lying all along then that's obviously not my fault. If I see in 1-2 years nothing happens (as our relationship is otherwise really good) then we need to have another conversation or break up.

As for my daughter she is financially secured from all sides.

Just out of nosiness, have either of you been engaged, married or co-owned a house before now? I’m wondering if he’s been burnt in a previous relationship or if he's a bit of a Peter Pan

Nothing on this thread stacks for me.

The language of "gonna", "lol", "kid", "promise rings" doesn't.

The financial independence of both parties, aged 41 and 37 whilst neither of you owns your own home and you are saving to do so on a four year plan.

The assumption of midwives and Dr's that you were husband and wife when you were in labour. 30 years ago when we had our first hcps didn't assume people were married and didn't acknowledge it. The culture was right on and only the word "partner" was used.

I think I agree with you @RosesAndHellebores

Decide upon a timescale, eg 1 year. Don’t bring up the rings / engagement conversation in that time- if it comes up naturally, reiterate that you would like to be married sooner rather than later, especially to provide security for your child.

At the end of that timescale ask him for a serious talk - you have been clear that you want to get married. You would like to discuss whether he is on the same page and if so, when is it likely to happen? If he waffles again you can then decide whether you stay or go.

(You can still have a “surprise” engagement if you wish, but for example DP knew we needed to start trying for children by a certain point due to age, so I knew we would get engaged before I turned 35 so we could start trying).

What I know is that he was married briefly in his early twenties when his then gf was pregnant but unfortunately she miscarried twice. Then she cheated and that's why they divorced. He told me that his parents were not happy but then they were 22 at the time. Then his previous relationship said they were together for 11 yrs and he never married her although they were engaged. He told me she was verbally and physically abusive and thought towards the end she cheated on him with her boss who is her now husband. He told me that my parents loved her but generally out of all the relationships he has been they got a more genuine and happy vibe with me so I know they like me.

But none of the aforementioned situations resembles even remotely the situation we are now and in a mature age. Things happened really fast I have to say but it's not unheard of, especially in our age.

I agree. I dont understand where the comments that I'm nagging him coming from we have had this conversation twice so far after I gave birth. Before I gave birth even I made sure that it was the right thing to move in together and everything else is not done out of obligation. But he was excited for this step together.

I’m female, mid 40s previously married and now engaged.

My opinion is based on the fact that a ring gives you no more security than you currently have. I’d rather see him doing the right things from a legal and financial perspective.

You said you both want to get married when your daughter is a bit older and is involved in the wedding. Or would you actually prefer to get married sooner? If so then you should discuss that rather than engagement.

Im currently engaged and started wedding planning soon afterwards. I don’t really see the point in long engagements tbh.

Lots of couples never marry and the wider family sees the partner as a member of that family. Thats a completely normal situation.

You have a child together. That’s a greater commitment than an engagement or even marriage. A marriage can end, a child doesn’t.

So you're in a relationship with a man who has said maybe he'll marry you in four years' time, who was previously with another woman for 11 years and was engaged to her but never ended up marrying her?

When someone tells you who they are, OP, believe them.

I don't believe he will ever marry you.

Where were you living before you moved in with him?

How come he was engaged but didn't marry his previous partner if they were together for 11 years? Did he not want children with her?

together for 11 yrs and he never married her although they were engaged

There is your answer. That is who he is. Believe his actions.

Is that what you want, a perpetual engagement, without any legal security?

11 years is a long time. Do you know how far into the relationship they got engaged?

This shows that getting engaged isn’t the issue. It’s the marriage that will give you what you need. An engagement without the desire to get married in the near future is almost meaningless I’m afraid

It’s the outing where you looked at then talked about then sulked about rings.

He said that they became comfortable and he didn't have the courage to end the relationship but he regretted it. No kids, he told me she just loved the job. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs but we are in a completely different situation right now and we've had enough discussions so far. He said that he really wants to take that step with me not out of obligation but because he wants to get there with me and spend the rest of our lives together. I mean he made it clear that this is how he feels.

Now if I see that in 1-2 years there are no mentions of anything more Obviously I'll bring this up again. But otherwise I don't want to poison a good relationship with these thoughts. I also want to spend my life with him as we love each other. At the same time I don't want to get mugged off.

Ye I know. The rings I talked about were actually for me as jewellery not for engagement but some of them happened to be engagement rings too. Yes the truth is he did sulk but we cleared it up yesterday. I mean if he is lying all along then that remains to be seen but that's too far fetched right

I dont know that to be fair. But he said they should have broken up much much earlier

You are being mugged off though. You know this really. His previous relationships have a number of red flags - they both cheated? I wonder why.

OP, sulking is deliberately manipulative. He's punishing you for trying to have an adult discussion.

But clearly nothing anyone says on here is going to change your mind about him.

His previous relationships have a number of red flags - they both cheated? I wonder why.

Because they were cheating twats? Or is it still all the man's fault if a woman cheats on him?

We did as I said above discuss about things yesterday openly and he apologised. I did express my concerns but to be honest everyone has a past and cheating is never right no matter what happened as I don't know the ins and outs. I did say to him the fact that you didn't have intention to marry her but still stayed whilst you didn't wanna continue wa just wrong. And he admitted it is indeed. So I guess we learn. Only time will tell but I ain't gonna drag it for that long. I'll come back to this thread of it doesn't close.