To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

If you want to get engaged and get married then you need to discuss it like adults, he doesn’t get to take sole responsibility for when/if/how this happens.

You don’t have to sit patiently and passively for him to make this decision, it’s a joint decision, just talk to him properly.

But he already said he wants to marry me and the way and the timeline. I'm just surprised of his reaction I described above that has filled me with doubts.

exactly

It sounds like you are engaged if you're planning when you have your wedding.
In which case are you a bit sad that you've missed out on the proposal and the ability to announce it? Which I do understand but from your OP it sound a little bit like the only thing you're concerned about is some expensive engagement ring? In which case I don't really blame him for being a bit evasive.
How much you love someone isn't gauged by some pointless rock.

You say you got pregnant very early in your relationship and your baby is 6 months old so in reality you haven’t really been together that long.

stop stressing and let it happen naturally, dh and I never discussed marriage or getting engaged before he asked me and we had been together 4years by that point.

if after a few more years nothing has been mentioned then bring the subject up then but at present just relax and enjoy your relationship.

No we aren't engaged and he is referring to me as his gf. There was no proposal. He said he wants to marry me and how but has not mentioned any plans of engagement etc. Also he reacted funny at the implication of engagement rings.

Sit him down and talk to him, no nonsense about haribo or hinting about gems..

"Marriage is important to me. If it is not important to you I need to know."

If he starts filling the air with flannel or anger, that should tell you everything.

Now the question is;

Is marriage so important that you'd bin him off and hope you meet a guy that wants to marry you.

I think the main thing is to try to ensure that you remain financially and domestically equal as that is what marriage gives you protection from. You are both on the deeds of the house, you split finances fairly, not just you paying for childcare and he pays for the mortgage but you both contribute to both of them. You can't force him to marry you but you can protect your finances to an extent.

Right. But if he said he wants to marry you and you said you do too then you're engaged. You don't need a proposal to be engaged. You just need to agree to get married. Can you bring it up and discuss it properly?

You say you got pregnant early on in the relationship and your daughter is now 6 months old, so I'm guessing you've been together around 18 months to two years? That seems very early to be expecting a proposal, although I know he's saying he wants to marry you when your daughter is older. I think he might be feeling some pressure to propose, especially with you bringing up engagement rings and then going a bit cold on him due to his reaction. Let him do it in his own time, when he's ready.

Even if he does propose with a Haribo ring, that doesn't matter! I know a couple who have been married 14 years, and that's what he proposed with (she got a real ring later).

Sorry but it sounds like any talk about engagement and marriage is being outright swerved or in some far future date. I'd be a bit wary myself

He says he wants to marry me and everything financially is equal. We have joint accounts as well. However I'm surprised that he hasn't mentioned any engagement plans or anything like that if he wants to marry me. I asked many times also to make sure. I don't want to get married badly per se but I would like a formal acknowledgement of the relationship

I actually am wary myself that's why I'm asking this question here

Lol how are we engaged if I'm his gf??? He made that clear

He clearly loves you and is committed to you. You've discussed it and he has said he wants to get married and wants your daughter to be a bridesmaid so presumably, as you have said, he wants to wait until she is older and can be involved more on the day.

An expensive ring isn't the be all and end all. You also don't sound like you have been together that long either yet - got pregnant quickly, child is only 6 months, relax a little! Maybe he has something special planned and the more you push and sulk the more it'll push him back. Maybe it'll happen in a few months or a year or so. Just enjoy your new little family for now.

Make sure the next child has your surname as I’m assuming your current child doesnt. This is where women go wrong, they give no reason for the man to marry as the girlfriend plays the wife for free.

I know what you mean, but I disagree with this purely because some people say “yes I want to marry you” but leave unspoken the bit that’s important “at some point”. They won’t commit to timelines or dates, and it’s a breadcrumbing tactic to keep you interested. If you dared suggest to them that you are already engaged because you both agreed to be married they go ballistic.

I agree, it does seem to be all about the ring.
Sorry OP, but ‘grabby’ is the work that springs to mind.

It's madness to me that so many women in 2024 are waiting for a man to make decisions like this for them.

Can't you sit down together and agree to marry or not like equals in the relationship?

Our daughter has legally both of our surnames. I'm just scared I'm gonna be steung along and be the forever gf. We discussed exactly this and he said he wouldn't want me to be the forever gf either. But why did he react so funny at the mention of rings if that's the case

You are adults - parents!- so should be able to have a direct, clear conversation about this. No , jokes, hints etc.

I have to say that he is trotting out all the lines though e.g. wants to marry you at some indeterminate point, tugging your hear strings with the image of your little girl being a bridesmaid etc.

You need to decide what your personal boundaries are, and what you are prepared to do if he wont agree to them .Then sit him down and talk.

Eh that’s not how it works 😂. You’re not engaged until you’re actually proposed to and accept. Someone saying they want to marry you one day isn’t a proposal and you’re not engaged 😂

If you've made it clear you'd like to get married and he's mentioned marriage in the future, I think I'd just sit back and enjoy your relationship for a while and see. He might actually be planning something within the next year or two anyway. I was convinced my husband was never going to propose, despite him talking about marriage multiple times, and after a few of these conversations I decided just to wait and see - within a year I'd been whisked off to my favourite place and he proposed there. Try to relax.
The most important thing at the moment is building a happy, stable life for the three of you.

This 💯

It's 2024. You can propose to him. If he says no, you know where you stand. If he says yes, get him to agree a date - even if in the future - and start checking out venues, and get something booked. If he says no to that, you're back to knowing where you are.