To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

Maybe he needed to be a bit more proactive with contraception if he was not sure “the relationship has a future”. As should the OP have been to be fair.

Yes ans anyone who Is better off in the realtionship would be wise to not enter into a legally binding contract with someone they are not fully committed to.

I'd not want my child to rush into marrige if they were the batter off partner.

He has done that. His insurance goes to her.

The time for her to worry about all of that was before tge baby. She can't strong arm him into marroge now. He's given his time line.

Tough shit to her and MN if it's not good enough.

Maybe he's planning to spend the money on a ticket to Berlin or a man cave, HTH

You said in a previous post he has mentioned timelines. What were they? Did he give an idea in terms of time, major events or financial situation? If he’s laid all that out already and he’s a man of his word, then I’d worry less. You’ve been together 18 months and he’s already sorted out life insurance to cover you and your baby. He sounds responsible.

All true. But we don’t move from one slip up to another. That said, they sound delighted to be parents to their dc so I don’t mean a slip up in that sense as it seems a happy surprise. But just because one thing happened faster than expected doesn’t mean from there you have to live the rest of your life at rocket speed.

Maybe but looking at the majority of posts on here it would seem that the majority of people see. to agree with me rather than your idea of her haranguing him into buying a ring. Have a nice weekend.

Er more like 30-40? Who only knows 6 couples?!

This post is really confusing, it's like you don't know that you can propose to him?

I haven't read all of the replies so someone may already have said this but I'm wondering if perhaps he's already bought you a ring and is trying to throw you off the scent. He sounds committed in every way and is just waiting for the right moment to make things official.

Wake up & look at the date on your phone.
Its 2024….no self respecting woman has to wait until ‘he asks me to marry ‘ him
If the asking bit is so important then ask him yourself.
If he says no then you know where you stand and can make alternate arrangements if this doesn’t suit you. Do not enter into any financial arrangements with him if you are not married….no mortgages, loans, car plans, DFS furniture stuff….youll be saving yourself a lot of grief in the long run!
if he says yes then I hope you all have a great life as a family together.

I get the sense she’s trespassing on his style too.

Exactly this. It sounds like he doesn't really want to get married and is wriggling out of any mention of it.

Sit down, have a proper discussion at a time when you can talk without interruptions, and then think seriously about his replies. If he is still ducking and diving then decide how important marriage is to you and if you want to continue with the relationship without it.

Ignore all those people saying let him propose in his own time - if you're not careful you'll end up like one of those sad women who come on here still waiting for a proposal after 10 years...there are lots of them.

Take control of your own life.

Forget the engagement ring and the fancy Disney proposal, neither matter in the least. You have agreed that you want to marry each other so its too late for silly American traditions. Sit him down and tell him you'd like to set a date now, have 3 dates to suggest. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. DO NOT allow him to deflect by saying that he wants to save for a ring/ surprise you with a proposal some day, both of those mean he's not keen at best.

You don’t need a ring to be engaged (or married for that matter).

You don’t need a proposal to be engaged.

You can agree a date together for this wedding you’ve both discussed and do that. Or you can insist on a civil ceremony now to protect you and your child.

Insist?
Last I checked both parties had to be consenting to make a marrige legal.

No it isnt. In what way do you think it is? A marriage and a mortgage would be though.

I ne er got engaged we just decided to get married one day and 6 weeks later we were married. This pestering about engagement rings is quite frankly cringe. If I was a bloke it would put me right off.

Is it getting married or the wedding which worries him. Is it that you have a dream wedding in your mind. I have always dreaded a big formal do so when my partner and I agreed to get married we also agreed on a small wedding..a party in our house after registry office.. Another friend had a bbq in her garden after a registry office wedding. Too much ego and showing off in lots of weddings nowadays.

This. Don't be so passive OP.

Normally I don't have much time for the live-in boyfriend stringing his partner along for years with vague promises of marriage. But by today's standards you haven't been together long at all and a lot has happened in that short time. I'd imagine your boyfriend is reeling with all the unexpected changes and he'll hardly be ready for yet more right away.

I know the ring conversation was an attempt to playfully introduce a serious topic but it probably wasn't the right way to go about it. It might suggest you are focused on a pretty, expensive toy more than the relationship and that you might want other expensive, pretty things for the wedding (we all know how quickly all the Instagram worthy 'bridal' bits and pieces can add up). I'm guessing these aren't actually your priority but your partner will already be worrying about the cost of living with a baby and saving for a house.

Would you be happy with a cheap ring and a basic, registry office wedding if it meant you got the legal protection of marriage? Are you able to get some prices to show him it doesn't need to be expensive?

You aren't in a great position to negotiate anything unfortunately (unless he asks for another child) but if you aren't willing to propose yourself you will just need to wait on his 3-4 year timeline.

But an engagement is completely meaningless. It can be over in the time it takes to say “it’s over”.

I’m not seeing the point of this though he’s said he doesn’t want to marry for three to four years. Why would his answer change?

What does "being engaged" mean to you OP?
Also don't be indirect with him, then sulk when he hasn't responded to your indirectness the way you wanted. Grow up

This!

I guess what I'm saying is that I find it depressing how cavalier some people seem to be about creating a new life.

If you're a woman in a new relationship and you don't want to get pregnant then you need to accept that condoms aren't the most reliable form of contraception available and use something with a lower failure rate. If you're a man in a new relationship and you don't want to get the woman pregnant then you need to accept that condoms are the only form of contraception available to you personally, and use them. If everyone did this then the number of surprise babies would be close to zero. Because the fact that a baby has resulted from unprotected sex should not be a surprise to anyone in 2024.

But since this baby exists, the OP isn't really the sort of person who can afford to sit around hoping for a surprise proposal with the perfect aquamarine ring. All she can do is decide whether she's willing to stay with this man and accept potentially never getting married at all, or address the subject head on with her partner and move things along on a timescale they both agree on.