To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

[Cheesygirl]

I have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me. We have a very good relationship where he is thoughtful takes care of me, gifts etc.
I fell pregnant very early in the relationship and now we have a six month old daughter. He is a good father(he now does 50% that I have gone back to work). We are saving to buy a house, he has a life insurance set up for me and my daughter and he shows he is committed all the way.
However I have the niggling feeling he won't propose to me for engagement or marriage. He says he wants to marry me and our daughter to be a bridesmaid in our wedding when she is about 3-4 and he has told other people as well.
He hasn't However spoken about any engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment. I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.
I do believe that he loves me a lot he is saying that daily and doing things to prove it so there's no doubt about that. Yesterday we were on a date day at the Natural History Museum and we were at the gemstone section. I told him that I like the aquamarine stone and I would like some day a ring with this on it. He was joking about Haribo rings and he had some banter throughout. When we went to the pub, I was looking at rings (not Engagement just jewellery) with aquamarine. We looked at a few and said that he wouldn't buy me a cheap ring. Then I said what about engagement rings? As the description of a few rings was mentioning engagement. He replied, "Where did that come from " . I said it is on the description. "This isn't what it is about " he said then.
Then he continued the joke about Haribo rings and that I shouldn't wear it on my left finger in case of confusion. I said so what you wouldn't want people to think we are engaged or married? He replied definitely not with a Haribo ring lol. I said to him is that how much you value me? He said obviously he was joking about that and that love is not counted in material value. I said to him that's a part of it as well. But something about his whole reaction to the engagement ring mentions threw me off so I wasn't as warm the rest of the evening. He picked up on that and started asking what is going on and if I love him. He then said I'm his everything to him.
The thing here is that he is showing that to me daily. However I just have this feeling inside me. I dont know if I'm right or wrong here. I don't believe he is lying when he says he loves me etc.

What’s a cohabiting agreement?

Your child is 5month old and fell pregnant early in the relationship- how long have you been together?

how old are you?

Are you expecting a big wedding? And to be able to afford a house soon whilst raising a child.

I wouldn’t rush everything, if you want more children would you want them at your wedding?

Sounds to me that you’re taking away any chance he has of surprising you anyway.

You don't need to get engaged to get married. You can both plan your wedding regardless.

It sounds like you've only been together for max 2 years? So it's not that long and you're both adjusting to life with a new baby.

If you’re getting married when your child is 3 or 4, suggest booking the wedding now and express a desire to look at venues. You’ll soon see if he’s stalling you!

I don't understand why you cannot discuss this. Or why you cannot propose him if having an engagement is important to you.

@YaWeeFurryBastard so the 6 couples you know fall in this category and therefore it must be true? 😄

I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.

Who owns the house? Who is paying what percentage to the bills compared to wages? Did he support you financially during your maternity leave?

I agree with you, I strongly suspect he is future faking you.

Wake up woman! You are not some poor simpering little flower. Ask him to marry you. Propose to him. He will instantly say yes if he wants to get married. Then you pick a date. Men who want to be married actively work towards it happening.

Getting married costs a couple of hundred pounds for the legal work. This can be done within weeks. Then you can save up for an amazing wedding that could happen at any point in the future. You don’t actually even need to tell anyone that you were legally married years before. That is basically just a legal appointment.

I don't understand either.

He says he "wants to marry you" - that's sounds engaged to me.
Engaged doesn't mean a proposal.
Engaged doesn't mean a ring.
You also don't need a wedding to be married - you need the legal bit which can be done at the registrar office.
You need to be firm.
"Right Mr Boyfriend you need to book a day off work so we can go get the marriage licence. Here is a list of documents you need [Google will tell you what] so can you get them together and then we will book the next available date for the ceremony. I will ask X and Y to be our witnesses unless you have a specific person you want".

Agreeing to marry is what an engagement is, it doesn't have to be bloke on one knee with a ring, all hearts and flowers - in fact this is a very modern concept.

Also, all the business of wanting your DD to be bridesmaid so waiting 3 years or more is daft. Marriage is an important legal contract. It impacts medical, financial and parental responsibilities. This aspect is far more important than your DD wearing a pretty dress and preceding you up the aisle.

Please sit down and have a proper, adult conversation, remove the twee romance from the picture and if you both want to get married just go and do it.

If the conversation leads elsewhere, then you have things to worry about.

Op I think the conversation ( and the desire to get married) are perfectly reasonable things to be seeking.

But I do agree with this post that trying to launch the conversation off from the topic of the ring sends all the wrong messages. At this rate you will put him off.

Fwiw, although we can’t actually tell from a thread, I think he will come good on it provided you don’t make him feel manipulated or pressured. If you want to hurry things along, just have a straight conversation about the important bits: I want our dd to have the security of the marriage … or whatever it is. Don’t act like you just want to flash a shiny ring. It’s true that women don’t have to wait for men to raise these things, but it’s equally true that people can’t compel people to go about things when and in a way they don’t want to.

Edited to add if you were trying to use the ring to kickstart the conversation and it really isn’t about the ring, you’d have been better to say “ but I don’t care about any of that.” I know someone who waited years hinting and prodding for a proposal. She’d built up her ring requirements to such a fever pitch in his mind that he was taking time to earn the money!

Even though your feelings are completely valid, even I was thrown off by how you suddenly mentioned engagement rings out of the blue, and not even in a jokey way but a serious way!

Are all your savings in the joint account? That needs rethinking. As said make sure that things are fair financially. During maternity leave, you should have put in less and you should now have the ability to overly your pension if there was any pension loss. Buying a house is pie in the sky and you can combine savings at the point of an offer. You need a back up plan if things don't work out and don't underestimate how shit men can turn when they are moving on. I've known IVF, hands on fathers just walk away. Don't be the only one to take time off if your child us ill etc. Come next year, you can say start making wedding plans, or stop lying about marriage.

You should have a proper, open conversation about this - not dance around it by dropping hints about aquamarine rings and Haribo rings. If you can't have a sensible, adult discussion about getting married, then getting married probably isn't a good idea. Don't wait around for 'a proposal'; this isn't 1952.

'It doesn't sound like he's ready for marrige.
You haven't been together that long.'

They have a child together . Surely you don't have a child if you're not fully committed. Together long enough to have a child but not long enough for marriage.

Cop out, sorry.

If you had previously discussed marriage and he had expressed a preference for doing it in 3-4 years, and you agreed to this (or seemed to), I can understand him being a bit taken aback at a sudden discussion about engagement rings.

If that timeline no longer works for you then you need to have an honest and adult discussion about it, OP. But FWIW it does sound like he is committed to you and your child in the ways that matter.

Do you want to marry him? You've never proposed to him either.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

do women really need to wait about for a man to propose in the 21st century?

If his way and his timeline doesn't work for you (and it wouldn't work for me) then you should tell him that.

I completely agree. If you have a child together you can't just act like "boyfriend and girlfriend" because that has changed.

Sounds like youve not even been together two years. How soon did you move in together? And how old are you both?

And don’t have any more children with him until you are married.
This.

because it is too soon for his timeline. It will happen when it happens. The more you apply pressure over this whether overtly or in a passive aggressive way the more likely you are to make him back off. Currently to him it feels like you are pressurising him into an engagement.

Concentrate on being a happy couple and a happy family and it will then happen naturally.

In all seriousness we haven't been together that long it's 1.5 years and I don't really care that much about marriage right now but I would like a formal acknowledgement of the relationship or serious intentions for that.

In theory. But I think the baby was a surprise.

"make him back off"?
How is discussing your future with the father of your child putting him under pressure, being unreasonable or likely to make him "back off"?
He's an adult with a child and needs to be part of a discussion, as is the OP.