To ask for the positives of only having one child?

[uhohala]

I know I’m lucky to have one. I always wanted at least two, so they each had a sibling. Sadly separated from DP when ds was 1 and he’s 2.5 now. No new relationship on the horizon and I’m 38 so it’s possible it’s already too late. I feel really down about it tonight. Anyone truly made peace with it or can see any plus points to just having one? I have the money to go it alone but it feels too much when I already have ds.

I do think that is a tad dramatic. Nor do I think it’s right to bring a second kid into the world just as a friend for the other one you had.

I’m sorry you’re lonely tho. But you could be lonely with 3 horrible siblings. It happens often. I’m one of a multiple family, and what you mention you’re lacking is not guaranteed with siblings. What people have said above is true: in multi children families, one is often left caring for the parents.

Many people I know can’t spend Xmas with siblings because it’s a nightmare. In some families, the jealousy is crazy and that expands to the nieces and nephews.

It’s important we invest in friendships and community, single child or not.

I am an only child and me and DH are only having one (currently 29+2)

I had a wonderful childhood. Great holidays, played with a big group of friends, played with cousins and a great relationship with parents. I was encouraged to make friends from a young age and I’m still the same. I still have a phenomenal bond with my parents.

Yes I’ve seen only children be lonely but then I also know people with several siblings who are still alone due to dynamics. It depends on the families and the individuals involved but I don’t see only children as a disadvantage

The phrase “one and done” is so irritating for some reason!
That aside - if you have one, there will be no bickering. Massive bonus

Yeah, I agree that phrase is annoying. Makes having a child sound like it was just a box to tick.

I don't relate to the sense that dd is going to be lonely as she gets older, she's 18 now.

I have extended family so she has cousins that's she's grown up with, aunts, uncles, grandparents (who she is v close to.)

It wasn't my plan to have an only child but that's the way it's ended up and for us the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

I think because dd is an only she's always made the effort to go out and make friends, my friends who have kid siblings tend to stick together and not talk to anyone else on holiday etc.

My husband is an only child, and he is so sociable, but equally he is comfortable on his own. Which led to a very healthy balance at school, he would only be friends with people who were decent to him, took no rubbish.
But his parents were very conscious of making their home a welcome space to his friends, they converted their garage into a 'boys den' and in secondary his was the hang out place. He is still close to friends from primary who are like brothers to him

Cheers for this. Believe it or not some of us have one child NOT by choice due to secondary infertility. And yes you are being extremely dramatic

I think having cousins who are close definitely helps. That isn't something I had.

You ARE being dramatic. From an only child.

It's on you to build meaningful relationships with others, not on your parents.

Sorry, yes you can't help that. Your child will just have to play the cards they have been handed.

Why though? I didn't ask to be born.

I have two but we struggled for five years to have our second in which time I was coming to terms with it. The pros I found were:

Life is easy, one child can slot into your routine. Our older child is really adaptable and can stay up late, then lie-in etc. We would get a cheap flight in the middle of the night and he would be fine with it. He was old enough not to tantrum (ten years old). He’s basically a buddy in lots of ways

You can do everything together, you never miss out. And the bond is extremely strong for that reason.

I love having two but there are definite pros to having one. It’s difficult though when your heart wants something else, it doesn’t really matter what others say.

We went down the IVF route in the end, do you think you’d consider freezing your eggs now so that you have that as an option if you meet someone in the future? You may decide you don’t want to use them but then you have a choice.

I think most posters have already covered most of the points.
Apart from time and money I would add less stress over the below:

Teenagers - relationship and friendship issues
Public exams - GCSEs and A levels
UCAS - university applications
University - financial and emotional support, guarantor for rentals

I speak from experience

Get a grip.

You haven't managed to build close relationships with people outside your family as an adult. That's your own fault. Put in the effort. I have friends who would have me for Christmas if I was ever alone. I'm closer to some of my friends than my own family.

Yes well we have heard from several only children who are having only children themselves on this thread. So perhaps he will enjoy the “card” he has been “handed” who knows ? My DH has two siblings who he never ever talks to. There is no guarantee of anything. You sound pretty needy to be honest

Good for you! Really glad to hear that.

Plus you have someone to look after you in old age.

Nonsense. That is the wrong reason to have a child, and you should never assume that they will stay around to look after you.

DD is an only because I couldn't have any more children. I had her at 41 and have told her to stick me into residential care if I can't look after myself. I do not want her to spend her life looking after me when she is still relatively young.

My DD is an only child. We deliberately have helped her build strong relationships with her cousins which have continued into adulthood.

Of course as copious threads on Mumsnet prove, having one or more siblings doesn't necessarily mean life long support and friendship.

I am sorry that people have had bad experiences being an only child on this thread but it isn't the experience of all only children.

Yeah agreed, I am very 'needy'. I 'needy' a family! 😂

Having more than one doesn’t mean they will get on either as children or adults.

I think everything else I would add has already been said.

That plan is fine, so long as you have the funds to pay for the home. You can't just 'stick someone in a home' if they can't pay / haven't been assessed as requiring LA funding.

Yeah agreed, it helps if you have close bonds with cousins. I don't unfortunately.

My positives are that we have more time and money and I was able to return to work more easily. Life was/is more straightforward and easier.

I suppose a "negative" is that he doesn't have siblings, but on the odd occasion I have mentioned this, he has been fairly adamant he is happy not having them.

There are 13 years between me and my sister, we get on fine, always have done, but we didn't grow up together or have many shared experiences. I see my sister weekly, in fact we are round theirs this evening for a BBQ and cribbage. But honestly if she wasn't my sister I am not sure if we would have anything in common.

My DH grew up with his brother, they rarely talk. In fact we haven't seen him for nearly two years.

Just ignore this melodramatic claptrap. My mum's an only child. Has literally no extended family but has loads of friends. She obviously has her own family but I know she'd have been fine in life if not. I work with a man that has five siblings he never sees. Doesn't even know the address for three of them!

Like I said my DH has two siblings that he never ever talks to. You can “needy “ one all you want it’s not going to happen at this stage. But even if it did there is no guarantee you would have gotten along with your siblings