To ask for the positives of only having one child?

[uhohala]

I know I’m lucky to have one. I always wanted at least two, so they each had a sibling. Sadly separated from DP when ds was 1 and he’s 2.5 now. No new relationship on the horizon and I’m 38 so it’s possible it’s already too late. I feel really down about it tonight. Anyone truly made peace with it or can see any plus points to just having one? I have the money to go it alone but it feels too much when I already have ds.

You have no idea how this poster's child's life will turn out!

Your feelings are valid.

But you seem determined to be negative about everything and do nothing to help yourself. Instead of wallowing in self pity you could actively choose to do something about your situation. You'll never have a sibling, you need to come to terms with that and move on.

Definitely, at least less so if we had had a close relationship.

You want to be miserable and a martyr, fine. Most people don't! Instead of blaming everyone else, do something to improve your life.

But a close relationship isn't guaranteed. I don't talk to my siblings. I've nothing in common with them and we are 3 entirely different people. They get on with each other and actively leave me out. I stopped texting them and they've never replied since. We didn't even talk at my Moms funeral.

A sibling isn't a guaranteed cure all and you shouldn't expect a sibling to carry you through life either, they are not there to fulfill your needs.

I'm an only child with an only child by choice.
Most siblings don't get on and thr people I know barely speak to their sibling as an adult.
I will be the only person having to look after my parents....but that doesn't bother me. My husband has siblings and only 1 look after their parent so you can't just presume ll siblings will help the elderly parent.

I have more money....he goes to Lapland, Disneyworld, New York. When he was doing the romans at school we took him to Rome. When he did Egypt at school we took him to Egypt. We were able to give him 100% attention and invest alot in his extra activities outside of school from swimming lessons to music lessons to acting school.
There's no arguments in the car or in the house. They mature quicker. We have been able to provide money for driving lessons, a car and gift him a huge deposit for a house.
Everyone likes friends so of course we put him in clubs but he loves his own space and time too. He has the best of that.
No regrets here. He's not selfish. He's not rude. He knows how to share.

His cousin was close to him (cousin said to me at funeral he was closer to him than his own brother - same age and sporty interests whereas the cousins brother wasn’t sporty - he was sat next to his brother when he said this!)
You build your village. Active part of community, close friends.
My husband has 2 siblings but not close to either. In a time of need he’d turn to his best friend of 40 years (who is an only) or me his wife, been together over 30 years.

No sibling arguments.
Holidays are cheaper.
Everything is cheaper!

Only one child whose future to worry about. Poor them, growing up in such a world 😔

I was the quiet, compliant child in a well-ordered peaceful household. It was great for my parents. Minimal childcare worries, disposable income and plenty of days out. I’d be in a corner with a book, or dutifully walking around National Trust properties with them at the weekend. You get the picture. I’m sure they’d highly recommend it.

It’s not always so great for the child, depending of course on personality. Which is why I have more than one child and absolutely love my noisy, interesting and occasionally chaotic household.

Our home is noisy, interesting and chaotic too. I love it.

I'm coming back to this point because it's absolutely ridiculous. For arguments sake, if a person is in their 50-60s when their parents die, then yes I'd fully expect a grown up adult to "crack on your own". I'm in my 30s now and my parents long since had responsibility for my life and how I build it.

Your a grown up person not a child anymore. It isn't your parents fault if you've not managed to build any sort of well meaning connections in your life as an adult. You sound incredibly immature.

I am sorry you experience loneliness and anxiety and yes back to your other post yes your feelings are valid. However you've discounted and argued with other viewpoints and other people's experience that doesn't tally with your own. You've been incredibly rude to and about parents of only children. You've badgered parents about saying they don't know the outcome of their children's future when none of know how any of our children's future will play out, siblings or not. You seem to have some sort of warped view that having a sibling would solve all your problems and that people with siblings all lead these happy lives free of anxiety when many people have said that this isn't the case.

I really hope you can move past this as you're in for an incredibly lonely life if you don't.

All this guilt about having 1 child. I didn't realise being childless was a choice tbh. I won't be having another and nosey people making me feel guilty saying my kid is going to be all alone etc can get to fuxk. Another stick to beat women with.

Also I had a sibling and it wasn't a good experience!

I have siblings. My postnatal anxiety and depression was so severe I was hospitalised for six weeks when my son was just four months old. So I made a decision to never allow that to happen again, or have him see me in that suicidal state when he would be old enough to remember it. Hence we have one child.
As an adult he will find plenty of fellow friends who also don’t have siblings. It’s not unusual any more.

Gross! What a horrible and uncalled for thing to say on a thread which asked for positivity.

OP, so many more people are choosing to have just one or finding themselves in the position of only having one, your child will not be alone in these experiences as they get older as there will be so many other onlies they will meet along the way.

I realised I haven't talked about the positives. My son is only little so I don't feel I have enough experience however my cousin is an only child. We have many cousins on that side of the family and we are all very similar ages however my cousin is so secure in her life that she doesn't choose to have a close relationship with us and none of us were invited to her small wedding as she's so much closer to her own friends.

She leads a wonderful full life and has chosen not to have children. She isn't lonely at all, she isn't alone despite living in a foreign country and not spending Christmas with her parents. She deep meaningful relationships with her friends. She also had a great childhood and has a great bond with both her parents. She'd be mortified to read some of the melodramatic views that some people have of only children!

I feel quite bad for the OP. She has asked for positives on having an only child as her age and relationship status make it unlikely that she'll be in a position to have a second and the thread has been hijacked by people guilt tripping her. What do these people expect her to do? Rush to the sperm bank and become a single parent to two just for the sake of providing a sibling?

Also, the adult only children on this thread claiming that their lives are terrible because of a lack of siblings don't actually know this is the reason behind their unhappiness, because they have no idea what it's like to have a sibling. All they have is a romanticised ideal of an inbuilt playmate as a child and a source of support in adulthood.

I have a sibling, and we argued frequently as children and they have now buggered off to live abroad as an adult. I haven't spent Christmas with my sibling in years, and all the care of my parents will fall to me.

More time, energy and money! I have 3 and love it but can definitely see the pros of sticking with 1. Embrace your precious one and only and use the opportunity to feel more financial freedom and look after your own wellbeing and needs a little more.

Just like you have no idea what it is like NOT to have a sibling! You can't have it both ways - we don't know what it is like to have a sibling, but somehow you know exactly what it is like not to!

@Strawberriesandpears what are you hoping to achieve on this thread though? The OP has already said she's not in a position to have a second child, so your anecdotal negative experience isn't going to magic up a situation where she's likely to be able to have a second child. (It would be different, perhaps, if this was a younger OP in a solid relationship and financial situation umming and ahhing about whether to stay one and done).
All you are doing, is kicking the OP she is down, when the purpose of her thread was to hear some positive experiences from people with only children so that she could come to terms with having an only not by choice.

The thing is many of us have siblings we don't speak to, have been in no contact for many years and who won't be providing support with elderly parents so yes I can imagine as the reality isn't all that different.

I always wanted 6!!!

Separated when ds was 13 months old. (Infidelity - him not me!).

Due to ds needs never got in another relationship.

But the advantages were that I didn't need to spread myself between more then 1. Ds had the opportunities his peers had because I was around to take him and didn't have to manage my diary around other people.

Financially it's been hard at times. Emotionally for me it's been hard at times.

I never intended ds to be an only and would have had more later in life but turns out ds has a genetic condition I carry gene for and then I needed a hysterectomy for my own health.

@AnonSoc But even if you don't spend much time together, you know that there's someone out there in the world who is closely related to you, that you have a shared childhood and family history with, and who would hopefully have your back if push came to shove.
Us onlies don't have that, after our parents are gone we have no close birth family. This can cause a particular kind of existential loneliness, for some of us (not all, clearly).

My life isn't terrible, far from it. I enjoy what I have and am thankful for it. But there are some difficulties that are specific to being an only child.
I know the Op asked for positive things and plenty of people have listed those. Threads do evolve though.
She sounds like she's on the fence and is considering going it alone for a second child, so clearly she isn't happy about having an only either. Otherwise she'd be secure in her choice and wouldn't be on here asking for positives.