To ask for the positives of only having one child?

[uhohala]

I know I’m lucky to have one. I always wanted at least two, so they each had a sibling. Sadly separated from DP when ds was 1 and he’s 2.5 now. No new relationship on the horizon and I’m 38 so it’s possible it’s already too late. I feel really down about it tonight. Anyone truly made peace with it or can see any plus points to just having one? I have the money to go it alone but it feels too much when I already have ds.

@Strawberriesandpears i doubt anyone is going to click on your silly posts

Do you not have a life or any lived experience, only reports?

If I were to say "I know most of my friends like rugby" would you ask for stats to support it? How utterly strange.

And the bullying of @Strawberriesandpears on this thread is vile.

@StopInhalingRevels the insensitivity that you and @Strawberriesandpears have shown to the original OP, by hijacking her thread , as well as people who are have one child through loss or secondary infertility, is vile.

Happiness declines the more siblings there are in a household.

See, I can post links as well!

@StopInhalingRevels i think you’ll find it’s her being the bully. Talking about loneliness and standing alone at funerals on a thread where people have said they lost children with no thought for how these people feel. The two of you really do sound like narcissists.

There is no bullying of anyone I see. What I find galling is the likes of @Strawberriesandpears to still come on and play the victim card when others have posted stories of unimaginable hardship and loss. There's no been acknowledgement of this from her, no compassion, no nothing. Just post after post about awful her life is and then post to links other threads that quite frankly no one is interested in.

I sincerely hope she doesn't think being that the grief or sadness she may have of being an only child is in anyway comparable to people who have lost children or can't have the number they would like. Absolutely shameful.

If you said the ‘majority of my only child friends’, I would not ask for evidence. Of course not. We all have anecdata, which can be powerful in its own way. But you didn’t. You presented your views as established stats. This is what you said. No mention of it being about your friends.

There are a minority of only children, who say as adults, they had a great childhood and continue to have a great adulthood.
The majority of only children, as adults, say otherwise

Child bereavement is an awful, and separate issue. It's been mentioned on this thread, yes. It's awful, unimaginable and also, glaringly clearly not the subject I, or the other poster are referring too.

To deliberately suggest otherwise, just to try and beat down her very valid opinion on the actual topic in hand, is frankly disgusting. And yes, bullying.

Your full comment to jog your memory:
*Exactly this. There are a minority of only children, who say as adults, they had a great childhood and continue to have a great adulthood.

The majority of only children, as adults, say otherwise. There's a lot of parents announcing on their only child's behalf how wonderful their child finds it, and not even a thought about the future. It's very much a parents choice for the parent, and parents will insist it's what their categorically child prefers. They kind of have too, for themselves.*

but harping on about loneliness and suffering is a different topic than what the OP asked for too . People only posted these stories of loss because of the flabbergasting insensitivity displayed by the two of you. Start your own negative thread.

Are you so utterly lacking in empathy that you can't understand how the content of your posts might negatively affect someone who experienced infertility or loss even if your (futile) aim is to bash those who are one and done by choice?

@Strawberriesandpears was the one in the first place who made the absolutely vile comment about only children being sad figures at their parents graveside. People have then responded to say that in fact they have had to bury their own children.

There's been no acknowledgement from her of how her own comment was triggering and the upset it caused. No apology or anything. So no I don't see it irrelevant or bullying when it was herself who brought it up in the first place.

There is no bullying of anyone I see

How convenient. If she writes how she feels, she is name called. Pathetic. Narcissist. Playing a victim.

I'll be very clear for you. That's bullying.

others have posted stories of unimaginable hardship and loss

So she can't be struggling because others have had it worse? Her feelings aren't real or valid? Wow.

then post to links other threads that quite frankly no one is interested in.

You mean links to tonnes of other threads all supporting her feelings and opinions. Isn't it funny how you can't look at those. Let's pretend they don't exist hey. She's just a "self absorbed victim".

I sincerely hope she doesn't think being that the grief or sadness she may have of being an only child is in anyway comparable to people who have lost children or can't have the number they would like. Absolutely shameful.

No it's very clear she doesn't think that. Anyone with basic comprehension of the English language can see she has said nothing of the sort. And yet, several people are trying to invent she has. Indeed, that is shameful.

Yes, this is my experience. Are you actually looking for stats for that?

It’s obvious from other threads that @Strawberriesandpears is struggling with obsessive negative thoughts and has sought help for it. I don’t think she can see outside herself at present.

Sigh. You never said that was your personal experience. You never said the majority of my friends. You just presented it as objective facts about the population.That is my point 🤦🏽‍♀️ Are you genuinely not understanding this?? If not, I can’t help you with that.

Strawberriesandpears was the one in the first place who made the absolutely vile comment about only children being sad figures at their parents graveside.

I've missed that post, I'll go back and find it to see what she said. My interpretation would be that she means it's a sad thought that she would be standing alone at the funeral of (both?) her parents Vs siblings who would have each other for comfort in that situation? I don't see why that's vile? Although I haven't read her words, so can you tell me why it was vile?

People have then responded to say that in fact they have had to bury their own children.

Yes, that's horrible. Tragic and I pain I can't begin to imagine. But also a completely separate circumstance.

I am an only child. There have been pros and cons - I inherited everything and that was life changing in a way it wouldn’t have been if there had been 2 or more of us. I never wanted for anything and my parents were never more than working class. the pay off was dealing with infirm and dementia ridden parents on my own. That was tough.

It never bothered me as a child, always able to entertain myself. I have two close friends who are onlies and they are very similar, very independent, capable, comfortable in their own skin. I don’t think having a sibling is a guarantee of anything.

As for loneliness, yes, I do think that is something I experience off and on, I don’t think it’s the lack of a sibling, however, more my choice of ex-husband, his abuse, and how wary it has made me of relationships generally. I can’t trust and that is sod all to do with being an only child.

Sigh. I've clarified this seven times. Apologies for not spelling it out as a disclaimer on every post, which apparently is required.

Let's call this the eighth, but if you could pop through the thread and find one of the other seven times (there's seven, it shouldn't be hard for you to find one) it will save me repeating it for an eighth.

The point of this thread was that it was someone who was struggling looking for positives about their own situation. And then people posted their own tales of grief. I would never be so insensitive as to when people were posting about their own circumstances of having one child and the struggles they were having to stick the knife in and go on and on about how awful it was to be an only child. So yes it insensitive and self absorbed.

I don't doubt anyone's negative experience of being an only child and the sadness this has caused them but there a plethora of other threads people can post on or start their own.

I won't say anymore on the matter as I don't think it matters what I or anyone else says on it.

Yes but you haven’t just spoken about your own experience. You have made loads of statements like “most only children” are this and that. And “most of their parents “ say they are happy when they aren’t. Where are the stats to back these statements up ? Sharing a few threads on mumsnet is not the same as evidenced based scientific research I’m afraid

It was one of your first posts. So you can’t blame people for ‘misinterpreting’ when you spoke in confident absolutes and did not spell out that you had written your comment in a misleading way from the start.

@StopInhalingRevels anyone with any sort of empathy would understand why people who have only children due to loss etc would be attracted to a thread about the positives of having an only child. And reign in their posts when that became apparent

I don't do the whole "search for any thread ever commented on by a poster" to make comments about "well, you said this on such a date" or "well, you can't be that happy with your husband because you said on that thread that he..." To try and beat them down, or have some kind of "gotcha" moment.

It's low. And a bit stalkery.

I just take people as we all should, on a thread by thread basis. Sometimes people change little details so they don't out themselves, so there may be little inconsistencies. Sometimes they feel confident opening up, sometimes they put on a brave face that everything's fine.

From this thread (although I haven't seen the post I mentioned earlier) she hasn't said anything untoward. But there is a massive pile on of name-calling and nastiness directly at her.