To ask for the positives of only having one child?

[uhohala]

I know I’m lucky to have one. I always wanted at least two, so they each had a sibling. Sadly separated from DP when ds was 1 and he’s 2.5 now. No new relationship on the horizon and I’m 38 so it’s possible it’s already too late. I feel really down about it tonight. Anyone truly made peace with it or can see any plus points to just having one? I have the money to go it alone but it feels too much when I already have ds.

Yep, there is so much bitterness here, that's the only explanation for wanting to come on to this thread and try and derail it. It's all so me, me, me.

I don't know if people are just hard of thinking, or genuinely can't understand.

If someone can't have a child, and longs for one, that can't be made better by having a lovely house, or visiting 10 countries, or pets, cars, clothes.

If someone has all of the above (ie what pretty much everyone goes to work for, a nice home, a comfortable life, let's not pretend otherwise) then they aren't crawling though a dastardly miserable existence. They have all the supposedly "harder to attain" stuff that people strive for. It's nice. It's comfortable. It's enjoyable. Seeing so much of the world, the people, the cultures, is awesome.

But if you wanted a child, you'd swap the lot for the child. And I'd have swapped the lot for a sibling, and still would.

Parents who choose to have onlys don't like to hear that we'd rather have a sibling than all that stuff that they think it's so brilliant they've given us a head start on. It's all about them. My parents tell everyone how I loved being an only, and vocally pat themselves on the back for their obviously superior decision.

It's like listening to them echoing around this thread. They wouldn't ever be told, even from their own child, either.

Lol.

We're just the kids of all the parents declaring how brilliant their children have it.

You'll see their kids on threads like this one day.

And they can't bear to acknowledge that. So clearly, anyone pointing that out needs therapy.

Sounds as balanced and accommodating as the rest of their thought process.

I agree. It seems to be this poster that is lacking in understanding. They seem to be safe in the knowledge that ALL only children feel how they do and their experience is the universal experience.

You don't know anything about other posters children, you don't know how they feel and to think you know how they feel better than their own parents is incredulous.

As this thread has shown. The MAJORITY of only children do not feel the way you do. Vast amount of research shows this too.

As an only myself I just can't imagine thinking my parents should have had more children that they might not have wanted, just to make ME happy.

Sorry, is this just a theme of this thread. Hyperbolic invention?

Because, looking directly at my large extended facility, my life would have been far better, as a child and adult, with siblings.... That means my parents should have had more children than they wanted? And they didn't, so "waaaaah, I didn't get my own way"

Got it. Now I see the deliberate level of understanding, despite what is written.

I agree. It seems to be this poster that is lacking in understanding. They seem to be safe in the knowledge that ALL only children feel how they do and their experience is the universal experience.

How's about you pop through the thread and find me highlighting once, twice (and then up to the fifth time) where I say, people's experiences vary.

Five times I've had to point that out. And yet, here you are requiring a 6th...

"You'll see their kids on threads like this one day"

You sound a throughly miserable unhinged person. You don't know anything about how these posters children will be. How they will feel in the future. Stop pretending you know them better than their own parents.

There's people on this thread who have posted about genuine heartbreaking losses and yet no acknowledgement of this instead bleating on own about your own life has been disadvantaged. You sound so incredibly insensitive

Perhaps the two of you could start your own support thread and leave this one for its intended purpose?

I'm not pretending anything.

It is fact that my parents would say exactly the same on my behalf.

I'm pointing out that what the parents insist their child feels and what the child feels are not the same in a lot of cases.

It's not my issue if those parents don't want to acknowledge that.

And the loss of a child is horrendous. I had presumed that didn't need saying.

And you're ignoring me and the other only children on this thread who are fine and happy with it. Because you're miserable you're convinced that everyone else it.

Well this thread has made me feel crap as a parent to an only child with hardly any family

"Lol" - really?! When their are parents on here posting about the children they have lost?

Don't. There's only 2 people on this thread being dramatic. Everyone else is more pragmatic. I have very little family (no siblings, NC with dad, no partner) and I'm fine. I've built my own family in my friends.

And we'll go for the seventh time of saying: not everyone's experience is the same.

Any particular reason you can't grasp that bit I'm saying?

Not everyone’s experience is the same, but you seem utterly determined to repeatedly hammer home your own. You also asserted that the majority of only children are unhappy in both childhood and adulthood with zero to back that up.
Therapy can help.

Not everyone's experience of having a sibling is the same either. Your fantasy sibling is like a fantasy boyfriend but most people take a few goes finding their match. With a sibling you get what you're given and have to just get on with it. Academic research says most people are overall unhappier for it. Not that that means people should stick at one necessarily, just that happiness is a complicated thing and isn't based on only one factor. Even if it is a straightforward end in itself which I am not 100% sure it is.

@StopInhalingRevels You come across as incredibly immature, as you seem to have a complete lack of understanding that your parents are also people, and the sole purpose of their lives isn't serving your wants and desires.
Honestly, whining about how material stuff didn't compensate for the sibling you feel that you were owed. A six year old having this view, ok, understandable, but still thinking like this as an adult? Bizarre.

Not everyone’s experience is the same

By jove, I think they've got it!

But you seem utterly determined to repeatedly hammer home your own

I'm stating my lived experience (and not my perception of my child's on their behalf), do you have a problem with that?

You also asserted that the majority of only children are unhappy in both childhood and adulthood

Yes, as an only child, and with the knowledge of other onlys in my experience, this is the case. Critically, not the parents of only children which is the majority of the trumpeting on this thread. The adult only children themselves. And the fact their parents can't understand that their only children don't voice being unhappy, for fear of affecting the relationship with the only immediate people in their lives, is really sad.

Unhappy is very broad too. Did I have an unhappy childhood? Depends on how you look at it. I did brilliant things. I excelled at school. I did what I wanted (within reason) with no one else to consider, and was given every opportunity. Saw so much of the world. Had loads of stuff. I had no one to share that with but my parents. No one to wake up with, run down on Christmas morning with, play games with. Playdates and hanging round with cousins when convenient to their families is nothing like full time siblings. There's rough with smooth, of course, but on balance the void of never having a sibling is something still present in my life, and many others.

with zero to back that up

Far from it. I have friends and family who "are" exactly what I am referring too. Loads of them. The women I work with, off out with their sisters. Popping round to their brother's for their nephew's birthday. The familial village it takes to raise a child, so to speak. It's the whole infrastructure you lose. And you can definitely try and fill those gaps with other things/people. But that's kind of the point I'm making.

You do seem deeply resentful and unhappy. I hope you find peace.

I'm not saying it is. YOU are. You are saying that the "majority" of only children are miserable. Others have presented evidence showing that's not the case. You are using "majority" based on your own experience which is not wide.

I'm aware that some only children are unhappy. Some are perfectly happy. Some people with siblings are unhappy and wish they didn't have siblings. Others love their siblings and couldn't imagine life without them.

You're making a blanket statement saying the only children of these parents on the thread are going to be miserable. Trying to guilt trip parents and make them feel bad. You need to deal with your own issues and not lay them on everyone else.

But the majority of only children AREN'T happy in childhood and adulthood. Maybe your experience yes. But the research and this thread points otherwise.

Your experience is not a true reflection of society as a whole. To try and paint it as factually correct reflection that the majority of only children is unhappy is wrong and to especially to someone who was looking for reassurance.

Oh, gaslighting too. Nice.

Maybe it’s because you keep making broad sweeping generalisations about only children and the parents of only children. Then contracting yourself by throwing in the odd “everyone’s experience isn’t the same” it’s bizarre