What are your true thoughts re this violent incident?

[Poiboi]

A woman finds out her fiance has cheated. In her anger she throws an object at the fiance - causing a split lip.

What are your honest thoughts on this violence.

I am neither person mentioned. I have witnessed surprising reactions to this ‘incident’ though. Shocked me tbh.

What about if it isn't sustained violence to a woman, what if a man has a momentary loss of control. Is that OK?

In my own case I was a teenager, been married a week when a colleague of my exhusband's contacted me and wanted to meet. She told me she was pregnant with his baby and that she had slept with him the night before the wedding in the flat we were moving into in the bed we'd bought together. I was broken hearted but I didn't hit her or him. Lashing out is never the answer.

A better analogy would be if a woman had an affair, would she deserve to have a metal and glass object with shape corners thrown with force at her head?

Although if that was asked many posters would stilll want to know if her DH did his share of the cleaning.

My instinct is to run. Sorry if you find that offensive, but that's what I'd do. Get me and my child out of there. If there was an historic offence, I'd be down to the police.

That’s why it’s called “Fight or Flight”.

I could understand you having no sympathy if it was a man who had split your lip but presumably this man had never hurt you so it's hardly appropriate for him to be punished for the crimes of someone else. No one has ever split my lip but I'd think if I'd experienced that I'd sympathise with the victim not the violent one.

Well I'm firmly in the flight camp there I suppose! But there it is.

What did she throw out of curiosity?

I’m a fleer too, but others aren’t. There but for the grace of god, etc. Thank goodness I have that particular brain chemistry or my ex would be dead and I’d be in prison.

Yeah and when men lose their temper "in the moment", women die. But according to you, someone "snapping in the moment of truth" is understandable and doesn't make them bad.

Catch yourself on.

The OP has said it was a photo frame.

@Iwasafool I hear you. I know the way I feel is wrong. I would of course rationalise my feelings if the situation was real. But I'd have to kind of un-think my prejudice first. But of course the violent one should be punished. Regardless of sex.

well I agree in an ideal world violence should never be used. But acknowledge humans aren’t perfect and our emotions often get the better of us

So pretty much on the fence then.

What were the 'surprising reactions' that shocked you?

You say humans. That implies you think it's understandable for men to use violence against women in certain circumstances.

Can you please confirm or deny this.

There's no justification for not being able to control your anger and act in violence. The whole thing of she didn't expect it to hit him is bullshit because otherwise why throw it?

Cheating is wrong, obviously. But violence is inexcusable, illegal and disgusting behaviour. If you excuse this then you also have to excuse all the incidents of male on female violence.

I think in self defence it’s ok.
But in any other circumstances it’s common assault.

Chavs seem to have their own code of conduct l though from what I’ve seen, but I’m not familiar with the nuances.

Look what you made me do?
'If she hadn't burnt dinner.. I wouldn't have punched her'
'If he hadn't upset me, I wouldn't have stabbed him'
If she hadn't tried to leave me, I wouldn't have killed her?

I understand what you're saying, however we're talking about a one off where a woman has thrown something at a man after finding out he was cheating. Not sustained domestic violence where a man is abusing a woman.

I was being sarcastic with my last remark which was inappropriate given, as you rightly pointed out, how many times men says shit like this.

We're talking about a one off.

The mental gymnastics some women are performing to make this OK because it's a women is staggering and frightening.

It's also dangerous. ALL women are harmed when domestic violence is tolerated, accepted condoned, excused, minimised and justified.

For fucks sake, how can so many posters be so stupid?

Assault is a criminal offence. Infidelity isn't. There is always the choice to walk away. It shocks me that so many people (thankfully not on here) think violence is acceptable if someone has cheated.

@Poiboi what surprised you about the reactions that led you to come here?

Were people harsher than you thought? Did you think throwing something small when you are shocked and angry was ok?

Lots of people do because that's what they've seen.

But we need to change that. No one should be throwing anything.

Don't be so fucking rude.

We all have different opinions because we all have different experiences. We're not all the same.

I think I live on a different planet from a lot of you.

We were asked to comment on one incident. We are not talking about domestic violence as a whole, where I would have a different opinion.

And as for all you posters calling people 'stupid' and 'idiots' because we don't have the same opinion as yours... who the fuck died and made you the all seeing oracle of Mumsnet?

That one incident IS domestic violence and it HAS been minimised and excused.

@Fannyfiggs do you see you as an oracle? 'It was only once, what's the fuss?' Wtf.