What are your true thoughts re this violent incident?

[Poiboi]

A woman finds out her fiance has cheated. In her anger she throws an object at the fiance - causing a split lip.

What are your honest thoughts on this violence.

I am neither person mentioned. I have witnessed surprising reactions to this ‘incident’ though. Shocked me tbh.

Actual Bodily Harm

It’s not ok.

But in the situation you’ve described, on the face of it, a blanket comparison to domestic violence minimises the real trauma and effects of domestic violence suffered by women and men imo.

Violence is never acceptable unless in self defence.

I disagree. I think throwing stuff in anger is like a gateway drug. I really can't accept physical violence of any sort. Been there, done that, saw my mother's black eyes.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her. Nor would I want her to be the mother of my children. Red flags ahoy.

Ditto for him.

i think OP is the other woman 😂... and she wants to go to him saying how violent this woman is and that he should leave her instead of begging her forgivness...

yes i am THAT bored

I once threw a heavy hand mirror at my brother. I was 14 and he wouldn’t stop calling me names. As it left my hand I was praying it wouldn’t hit him. (It didn’t thank god). I’ve never ever thrown anything before or since (I’m 58).
So if this person has never been violent before, and it was an angry reaction, I do have sympathy with her. (Maybe that’s wrong?!)

I assume she also has age on her side though?

He did a bad thing. She did a violent thing.

Abuse is worse than infidelity. I'd be advising both to end the relationship, but him vastly more urgently.

I’d say the female is trash for throwing an object and she committed grievous bodily harm and I hope he presses charges and leaves her for the affair partner.

There's nothing wrong with being angry. There are many situations in which anger is absolutely the most valid response. Throwing things is not a valid way to express it.

Violence is wrong regardless of gender.

I'd also like to point out not every man is stronger, my husband is physically disabled and if he threw something at me he hasn't got any strength...

She committed a crime, he didn't. Don't know if that helps.

At the risk of being flamed I am going to give you my honest gut reaction. I can imagine myself throwing something at someone I was about to be married to if I discovered he had been cheating. I can't imagine myself throwing a photo frame though. That would be just too dangerous. I might throw a soft toy or a cushion or something.

To be honest, I'd probably have wanted to throw something at the jerk, too. I don't think I would have, but I also wouldn't shed any tears over his split lip. He couldn't control his impulse to cheat; she couldn't control her impulse to lash out in reaction. I don't think it's fair to equate this with systematic abusive behaviour. Just my opinion.

I agree. Have you read what I said? No knots.

Lets hope she never has kids in the future who make her angry, or an elderly relative.

My cheating narcissistic ExH abused me for years, turned my family against me, and when I told them of my suspicions that he was cheating they (my family and ExH) said I was paranoid and delusional and had me sectioned. Once I was released I suffered a further four years of constant gaslighting, psychological torture, sexual abuse, humiliation, isolation and financial abuse before I discovered the that he’d been having an affair for five years. I immediately ran out of the house and smashed his beloved bike (bicycle that is, not the OW) to pieces with a garden fork.

Yes, I lost control. I accepted responsibility and borrowed money to replace the bike, but in that couple of minutes I felt anger like I’ve never experienced before or since. I’m generally a very calm person.

To suggest that I’d ever be violent to my (now grown up) children is insulting. I’ve never laid a finger on them, and very rarely raised my voice. In a moment of trauma we react very differently to how we’d react by merely being ‘angered’. OP can claim that the offender was in a happy relationship - outsiders would have said the same about me. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I have been in exactly this situation; cheated on by my fiancé a few weeks before our wedding and yes I threw something. I wasn’t trying to hurt or hit him but had a huge woosh of emotion to let out.
Despite being a terrible person according to MN, I have managed to live for the next 40 years without ever resorting to violence or even a raised voice with my husband and three children.
Think the cheating twat deserved it.

I'm trying not to judge tbf I think the majority of people are capable of a moment of madness if doesn't mean they've been awful all their life's or will continue to be.

Bollocks. No one should throw anything.
Pointing out men are more likely to cause a serious injury than women isn’t prejudice against men nor is it saying it’s ok if it’s a woman.

No it doesn't make a difference that she's sorry. Why would it?

It is wrong.
That said, I am doubtful that most on this thread have not thrown things at a partner because they were in a bad mood. Certainly 10-20 years OK when it was considered more OK.

Christ almighty. If a man was saying that he'd be destroyed and rightly so. Do you physically assault everyone you come across in life who lets you down?

I think it's fair to say your case is particularly difficult.

I absolutely agree and I most certainly didn't say it was right nor was I trying to justify my action. I was 59 years old at the time and in all those years had never displayed the slightest tendency towards physical anger. However, the shock of my husband's sudden announcement and the fact that he stood there cruelly taunting me had that momentary effect on me.