What are your true thoughts re this violent incident?

[Poiboi]

A woman finds out her fiance has cheated. In her anger she throws an object at the fiance - causing a split lip.

What are your honest thoughts on this violence.

I am neither person mentioned. I have witnessed surprising reactions to this ‘incident’ though. Shocked me tbh.

It was not considered okay 10 or 20 years ago! Especially not over something as trivial as a "bad mood".

You've obviously witnessed a lot of very unhealthy relationships if you think it was ever normal.

I would imagine the pain this woman felt when confronted with the news that her finance, the man she loved and planned to build a family and life with, who had betrayed her in the worst of ways, was tantamount to intense emotional violence. Her physically violent reaction was not acceptable, but an intense emotional outburst in the face of intense emotional pain isn’t wholly unusual and I refuse to judge her as harshly as some of the posters on this thread. People can behave entirely out of character under these highly emotionally charged circumstances. Mitigating circumstances wouldn’t exist in law if this wasn’t widely recognised as being the case.

I don’t condone her behaviour, but I reserve most of my contempt for him.

OP are you the cheatee?

Violent people always find an excuse for violence.

I was in a relationship with somebody I absolutely trusted who cheated on me to an extravagant degree. if I’d known what he was up to, there’s no way, I would’ve continued having sex with him, so he fucked me for five years by tricking me, that’s not consent.

I’ve been sexually assaulted and dealt with a whole array of abusive behaviour from various different men in my life over the years, so I feel I can talk about this nuance- I always wonder about infidelity, for me it was an absolute sexual violation, whether you think it’s reasonable to say it’s rape or not- I think it’s extremely abusive to trick somebody else into having sex with you and that’s why people flip out so badly when they find out

It wasn't OK 10-20 years ago. Sorry but if you think this is normal and most people have done it that is worrying. It's not normal.

I'm sorry but no. Her emotional pain, as bad as it was, does not entitle her to physically abuse someone. I bet you wouldn't say the same for a man in the same situation. You get screwed over in love, you gather yourself and your stuff, and you don't look back. You don't start throwing shit.

I wouldn’t be that judgemental to be honest. When someone’s attacked they lash out. It’s a fight or flight response. An emotional attack is no different to a physical one.

Is anyone else reading some of these posts absolutely aghast? ‘Violent abuse’, ‘domestic violence’, ‘worry about her future children’. What batshit responses. To liken a brief moment of rage in a woman who probably had the most traumatic few minutes of her life to sustained violence against women just minimises the suffering that some women experience at the hands of abusive men. It’s not the same and you know it. Honestly, people suggesting he ring the police?? That he could have died?? What nonsense. His behaviour was far worse, not even in the same ballpark.

Things have improved a lot in the last decade or two.

I agree. My mum used to throw things at my dad when she was in a rage (she had 'anger management issues'). That was well over 20 years ago, and I knew it was wrong even as a child. And it was no less damaging to see a woman do it than to to see a man do it.

It has never been normal or okay to throw objects at your partner (although in some of the cases described upthread, it may well be understandable). If someone has been exposed to lots of relationships like this, or if they're in a relationship like this, I hope they don't tell themselves it's normal, because it's not.

If this happened in Brazil, the cheater deserved it.

In the UK, it is not acceptable but understandable.

To suggest that I’d ever be violent to my (now grown up) children is insulting.

Oh well, that's something violent people have to live with when they throw photo frames out of temper 🤷‍♀️

I'm old enough to remember well before 10-20 years ago!

And no - throwing objects at your partner was not considered normal then.

It is not normal or OK to throw things at people.

Lucky it was just a split lip... could lose an eye or worse. Infidelity is wrong, but not an excuse for assault.

Bloody hell. That is a spectacularly insensitive response to that particular poster, given what she shared.

@Anonym00se You weren't violent to your partner. Destroying property may be wrong, but it's not in the same league as actual violence towards someone. There is nothing in your story to suggest you are a danger to anyone.

She assaulted him, that's illegal.
Sex between consenting adults isnt illegal, he has committed no crime.

It's sounds awful to say, but if the person throwing the object was male I'd want them imprisoned. If it was a female I'd hope they'd get a slap on the wrist. Can I justify why I feel this way? Not really. Other than I've been beaten up by and had split lips many times from abusive men so I have less sympathy?

In an ideal world everyone would be able to calmly gather their thoughts and their stuff and leave in this scenario, but in the face of intense emotional trauma some people behave wildly out of character. And so to answer your question, yes I would take these circumstances into consideration if it had been a man throwing a photo frame at his cheating partner. It’s unacceptable and dangerous regardless of the sex of the thrower, but to label them as an inherently bad or violent person because of one isolated, highly emotional reaction to traumatic news, I just don’t think is fair or accurate.

So, the guy has repeatedly lied to her, snuck around, put his dick into another woman, and no doubt gas lit her somewhere along the way, and she is the bad one for snapping in the moment of truth and chucking something at him?

COME ON!

He's a fucking sleaze, and she just lost her temper in the moment. Poor woman. Having to call the wedding off because he can't keep it in his pants. Hope the lip still hurts. Sorry, not sorry.

I disagree. We expect men not to do these things and rightly so. There's no excuse for women to behave like that. There is never an excuse for violence, unless it's self defence.

Exactly!

Some people are just asking for a slap!

(Oh and in case you didn't notice, I'm being sarcastic!)

I agree. I once read about a mother lashing out and hitting a policeman who was delivering the awful news that her teenage son had been killed in a car crash. Even though it’s wrong to hit a person, it’s entirely understandable and forgivable in the context of trauma.

In the case of this post, the man’s actions (infidelity) were undertaken while he was of a calm, sane mind and were premeditated. The woman’s weren’t, and they shouldn’t be compared as though they were the same, imo.

Can I just ask, if you found out that your child had been abused by someone, and they were sat in the same room as you, are you so calm that it wouldn't cross your mind to fucking punch them in the face? I mean, they abused your child last week, so you can't say it's self defence. Are some people really that Zen, all the fucking time? Don't believe it, sorry.

There would be absolutely zero posts justifying this behaviour if it was a man splitting a woman's lip in anger. Embarrassing double standards as usual.