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Original poster

Wife doesn’t want to have sex

305 replies

Ollie90 · 12/07/2024 15:38

my wife and I have been together for 10 years and the sex the has been really good but then a few year ago it started to be to less frequent and more excuses started to come up. Now it’s once every few months and it has to be quick, with me on top and over really quickly. I’ve asked is it my appearance and if so I would change if she wanted me more muscular etc but she said it isn’t that. In the past she mentioned with previous exes she stopped fancying them and used to make up excuses not to have sex and would only have it minimal times a year. For me sex is a way of feeling connected and loved and not having it frequently makes me feel unwanted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ollie90 · 18/07/2024 11:41

OpenWife · 17/07/2024 13:37

thank you. are you a married guy?

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Ollie90 · 18/07/2024 11:43

OpenWife · 16/07/2024 10:40

You presumably did not take a vow of chastity so if she's not putting out then feel free to get it elsewhere. I play away with permission from H (usually!) and most of the men I see are married.

playing away isn’t for me. I get it works for some people and fully respect that but that wouldn’t work for us.

OP posts:
KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 18/07/2024 11:47

It’s really easy to slip from ‘can’t be bothered but enjoy when we do’ to ‘oh god, not again’.

Sex you don’t want, or that’s not enjoyable, is the biggest killer of sex drives.

Many of the women responding will have been in a loving relationship but felt gradually increasing pressure to have sex more often, when they aren’t in the mood.

When you realise you are having sex because the other person wants it, and gets grumpy or hurt without it, that their desire to have it is trumping your desire for more sleep/bodily autonomy, it’s just so upsetting and a real mood killer. Desire dead. Trust lost.

Some people find it easier to just ‘go along’ than others. Some of us can only have sex with people we trust. Lose that trust, and it’s done.

Secondstart1001 · 18/07/2024 14:14

Wow that’s quite a positive update! You sound like a weight has actually been lifted from your shoulders. It’s never just about sex, it’s about the feelings of closeness that continue after the act.

Original poster
Ollie90 · 18/07/2024 14:32

Secondstart1001 · 18/07/2024 14:14

Wow that’s quite a positive update! You sound like a weight has actually been lifted from your shoulders. It’s never just about sex, it’s about the feelings of closeness that continue after the act.

it does feel like a weight has been lifted. You’re right it’s not just sex, I’ve felt for so long like a ghost in our house and feel like I go unnoticed. It was nice to hear my wife say what she said and then lead into sex. It almost felt like I had to play hard to get a little bit if that makes sense

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