DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

Christ that is shocking behaviour for kids that age and absolutely the school should treat this as an incident. I can't understand where all the parents were though. If DD was scared she would just run to me, why did no one step in much earlier ?

@Sleepersausage DD's friend was crying and her mum had stepped in but the boys weren't listening or tsking any notice. DH had gone over to help and heard them say they'd go after DD who wasn't by them. DH went after them as they ran for her but they got to her first, DH shouted at them but the boy who attacked her laughed in his face apparently. No parents came forward for the boys depsite DH trying to find them.

Honestly, the teachers sound just as bad.

Ask them why they enable it.

It's really strange to go marching up to school, after the day has ended, to complain about something that happened outside school under your supervision.

The teacher was was probably confused about why your DH was telling her this story and what he wanted them to do. Hence the the unusual comment.

As this happened on your (or your DH's) watch and you were unable to prevent it, what more do you except the school to do? Why didn't you speak to the other parents?

Age 5 or year 5?

Definitely talk to the school properly. I would take action over this and so would every staff member at my school. Our incident reporting system even has a code for 'out of school behaviour'.

Hopefully you will get a good response, but if they stand by terms like 'boys play rough', I would be using ones like formal complaint, safeguarding, physical attack, how will you ensure physical safety? I would also be emailing after the meeting to confirm what was said on both sides to form a paper chain.

Always be the pushy parent. Their kids get watched over better, due to worry about wider complaints about school attitude to bullying/physical safety.

Oh gosh I'm so sorry! Your poor DD! I'm a primary school teacher and my school
would take something like this seriously. You are right to ask them what they aim to do within school hours to keep your DD and her friend safe plus request that they speak to those parents to inform them of what's happened.

Expect them to not give the boys a consequence as this happened outside of school BUT this doesn't negate their duty to safeguard their pupils. From what you've explained of their behaviour, there seems to be a pattern of incidents happening inside school so they should be closely monitoring the situation anyway.

Do NOT let them fob you off with sexist nonsense like 'boys will be boys'. I would challenge this as it gives them a pass and it is unfair to the majority of boys that age who do not behave like this.

That sounds really awful. When I began reading, I was thinking why didn't your husband find the boys parents but you've said they were nowhere to be seen.

Do you know who the parents actually are? Presumably as it's a small school you might do. I'm wondering what they're like (seem approachable/ hostile/ reasonable ppl).

I'd call the school again tmw and follow up with an email. Identify the boys by name so you don't get a wishy washy response- be as specific as possible. If they've been calling your daughter names before, maybe it's just a case of a habit now that's gotten out of hand and needs adult intervention (sorry, I know I haven't worded that sensitively but it's been a long day! 😅).
Giving these boys the benefit of the doubt, maybe they didn't realise the extent of what they were doing.

My sons been at the mercy of mean kids and its horrendous to see. Def pursue the school for their input and monitoring of these boys.

Do you teach in a primary? This is unusual in my experience.

Age 5?! How old are the boys? It's not really the schools fault if it happened out of school tho?
What did your dh do while this was happening? I'd have put the fear of god into any child doing that to my 5 year old

Rubbish.

If they behave like that outside school then very likely they are also bullies in school. Especially given the teacher's dismissive comment.

IME with my dc being attacked out of school by a child from another school, and also by other children from that school once he had joined it, the teachers should and do take this sort of behaviour very seriously.

Kick up a huge stink tomorrow. 'Boys playing rough' is not an excuse for verbal bullying or violent bullying. That sort of attitude enables bullying.

@PurpleJustice we would like the school to be aware as they are in the same class as DD and committed a completely unprovoked attack on DD which was arguably very serious. How do you suggest I keep her safe when she's in school if they aren't even aware of the situation? It's a small class and she can't avoid these boys. I appreciate they may not be able to discipline them, all I ask is they are spoken to and it's made clear the can't go around attacking people? The parents either weren't around or weren't coming forward, DH did try looking but he has no idea who they are.

@VivaLaSpag age 5

Did your DH not do anything when they were hurting your DD?

Your DH must be incredibly self restrained or wet as a dishrag.

didnt he speak to them and tell them if they ever touched his daughter again they would wish they had never been born. Surely that’s what most parents would do. (actually in this specific circumstance I think a lot of parents would have to be held back from smacking these little shits very hard but I appreciate that they could get into trouble for that)

Behaving that at 5, how will they be behaving in 10 years time? These brats need some.proper discipline as it will only get worse

I also agree with other posters that ‘boys will be boys’ is an utterly pathetic response to boys assaulting a girl.

Seriously? You can think of no reason why an assault from children in a primary school to another child in the SAME primary school would warrant letting them know and asking them to keep her safe? Really?

What did your Husband do? It seems odd that he was unable to stop them.

What did your husband do?
Are all these 5 year olds alone in the park after school? No parents with them?
Seems odd.

I’d email the school to let them know about the incident and that you have witnesses. No way would I be brushed off with “boys play rough” bullshit. Is it a rough school? I would expect school to watch out for your DD during school hours to make sure this isn’t happening there too. I would tell them she is scared. I would also be back at the park to see who the parents are for these kids. If there are no parents with these kids I’d report it to school as a safeguarding issue.

Sorry I disagree. DH did exactly the right thing in not engaging with the little thug and immediately going back to the school nearby. Can you imagine the outcry if he had said something and the post from a parent saying grown man had a go at my precious son who was playing with his daughter.

Report again as suggested by the teacher above using words like bullying policy, physical assault, safe guarding. Tell them she won't be in school until they let you knkw what steps they are taking to keep her safe.

It never happened in school tho so why do they need to deal with it or speak to parents about it? You need to go to there house and speak to there parents or speak to them at drop off in the morning. Off course ask school to keep an eye on they boys in school keep them away from dd etc but that's all.

Actually school can sanction the boys for this behaviour- see attached picture.

I'd be arranging a meeting with the head asking what they will do to ensure your child is safe and point out that this was not rough play it was an unprovoked assault and that if they were 10 you would be involving the police.

Just to add, I'm shocked by the suggestion from a previous poster that teachers wouldn't want to be made aware of these situations. We have a responsibility to act on any safeguarding concerns even if it's just monitoring behaviour. Not only to keep pupils like the OP's DD safe, but also (this is purely hypothetical) there may be issues/concerns around these boys and their own home lives and what they're exposed to. This behaviour incident at the park could be part of a bigger picture. It is absolutely important that the class teacher and the senior leadership are at the very least made aware of this.

Mean behaviour in school is now happening outside of school. Quite literally, in the park next door. They are only 5, teacher could have a class chat about kindness, boundaries and speaking up if someone is bothering you. The child wouldn’t know these kids if she wasn’t at their school, they have targeted her in the park and school need to know so that they can monitor it.

1. This happened while your dh was supervising. He is responsible for what happens to your dd when he is supervising. He should have spoken to the other children's parents.
2. It is fine to tell the school that it happened and ask them to keep an eye on what happens in school.
3. It is not fine to try and ask the school to deal with a situation and discipline children while they are under the supervision of their parents.