DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

I don't think it's on the school to deal with a specific out-of-school incident.
However I would hope that they would want to be aware so that they can monitor behaviour in school and take any extra action needed to make your daughter feel safe. They might also put something out to parents saying that there have been bullying incidents in the park, and would parents please ensure that they are supervising their children. And they should definitely not be minimising the behaviour with "boys will be boys", wherever it has happened.

The boys were in school uniform. Therefore they have out the school into disrepute. The school can sanction.
I would not be dropping my daughter off in the morning and then asking for a meeting. I would be taking my daughter with me. I would not be leaving her at school until a meeting takes place and school have a plan in place. That behaviour is awful. I would make sure you and husband go as he was the witness.
This is awful behaviour for someone so young.
I hope your daughter is feeling better now she is home. Please be pushy parents tomorrow, and if they can't guarantee your daughter's safety and putting a suitable plan in place I wouldn't be leaving her in school and would look for alternative provision. For a school to ignore that behaviour is worrying.

Sorry I had not seen your reply before
that’s shocking I couldn’t even understand why a five year olds were in a park alone but that makes sense and the parents must be shit and the school if that what they said
is another school an option if you can’t get them to take safety seriously

Please please ring the police and get an incident number. I implore you to. I beg you to. You only have to give them a quick call now.

The school will behave differently to you once they know you've got one.

If they were wearing school uniform I think the school still need to act on it even if it didn't happen on premises.

This happened around 3.40/4pm
My guess is when DH returned to school he spoke to either a different class teacher or a admin person or someone....hopefully not the head???
I know at my child's primary you couldn't get through to anyone by phone or access the building after going home time.

It's now only a few hours later. I wouldnt expect an immediate response....teachers are allowed time off .....its perfectly reasonable for them to call you tomorrow....after they have gathered some more info maybe.

Yes they should take it seriously and do something but you can still respect the fact that it happened off school property with limited witnesses so they can't just take your word for it and will have a process to follow.

Also..."boys play rough" is far from ideal but I don't see it the same way as an excuse or justification like "boys will be boys".
It could be a validation. I don't think this children are evil....they probably were playing and it was very rough play. (But they probably don't think they have done anything wrong.)
Whoever your DH spoke to may well have been thinking "yes I can believe that"

Also, I would ring the police. If school don't deal with it the police will support with conversations with parents.

I don't know, but I'd start by emailing the chair of the Governors to ask for a copy of the schools anti-bullying policy.

I would do exactly what you said, I would go to the school first thing after drop off and if you can, take your DH and let him explain it…

Whilst in the park yesterday, Jack Smith said ‘let’s get Emily’ and then he chased her and kneed her in the back’. Emily is now petrified of Jack, she has bruises which we have taken pictures of. Sophie’s mother Sarah Jones was also there and saw it all and is happy to verify our account. My daughter is 5 and now petrified of a boy in her class. This is the behaviour of a 16 year old bully. He’s six!! What is your plan of action?

I don’t think OP is complaining to the school about the incident more asking what protection will be in place for her DD going forward as these boys are bullies and her DD is in their class.

Negligent school?! An incident has happened out of school, off school premises, apparently unavoidably despite a parent being present and the school is negligent?! The school hasn't even had an opportunity to properly respond yet. I understand it was upsetting for the OP's child but it absolutely could have waited until working hours the following day when the appropriate staff would be in school to deal with it.

And dh stood by and said nothing to them at the time? Nor did dds friends mother?
Why is it's schools responsibility?

As a safeguarding governor and a former Ofsted Inspector, can I suggest you do the following:

1. Ask for a copy of the school complaints policy, bullying and harassment policy, and their safeguarding policy
2. Get an appointment with the HT, I think you can by-pass the class teacher.
3. Set out what happened.
4. Ask for action to be with regard to these boys.
5. Understand that you will only know in general terms what will happen to these children
6. Ask what precautions will be taken with regard to these boys, and explain that although you know that the boys are too young for further legal action to be taken, you might well still speak to the Police, who will in turn speak to the families concerned.

I think that will do for starters...

Did you not read the update from the OP?

DH ran over as soon as he realised they were running towards her. He had been trying to help DD's friend at the time they ran over to my DD. He shouted at them and told them off (he's ex military and I would be scared if he shouted) and yet the 6 year old boy who attacked DD just laughed! Obviously DH couldn't do anything more and after not being able to find their parents, he headed to the school to make them aware that the boys had targeted DD, in the hopes that the school will take action to protect her when we're not there!

I would involve the community police. You can normally email them and you can do that tonight. Ask them for help as you are concerned about the safety of your daughter and a 5 year old boy that is prepared to stand up to a grown man. Very unusual. Then make sure you put everything in writing to the school as a paper trail. Mentioning the police are involved. I would also involve the governors if you have any and the Council if it’s their school. All in writing. Make it clear you won’t go away and it will only escalate if it continues. Your daughter is entitled to be safe in school and keep mentioning their “duty of care” in all correspondence as the child is in your daughters class.

There was an incident with my DS on the way home from school, I reported it to school and they were very sympathetic and dealt with it. He was high school and there were no adults around to intervene so I'm not sure if that makes a difference in that your school may have expected parents to deal with it between themselves as they were present. Either way the response was awful, boys playing rough is no excuse for it. I would be calling the head first thing in the morning to complain.

So what else could they have done?
if it had been your child what would you have done?
would you have let it go and did nothing?

I would also be pointing out that no parent came forward to claim the child so most likely an unsupervised child left in the park. Thats got to be a safeguarding risk to the actual child as well.

I'm so so sad for your poor DD

Boys do play rough, and I have a boy the same age as the one who hurt your DD, who really struggles with boundaries, he's hyperactive and sensory seeking and rough play is his favourite.

He still knows this behaving like this is completely unacceptable, and knows I would be apoplectic if he hurt somebody like this. He would be punished (like he was when he was engaging in overly rough mutual play with another boy) by not returning to the park until I could be sure he understood my instructions.

If I was that boy's parent I would be absolutely horrified. I know they are only young, but they need to be told in no uncertain terms it's unacceptable. I would let it go after that, as we are talking about extremely young children here, but only if I felt like the behaviour was addressed.

What did the parent do? Did they say anything to you or your DD? Did they say anything to their DS?

There’s a lot of ignorance on this thread about the role of safeguarding in school. Of course they can’t discipline for things that happen out of school but to say nothing that happens out of school is ever to do with school is just wrong. There is a designated safeguarding lead whose job it is to deal with safeguarding children, whether that stems from something that happens inside of school or something that happens outside. In this instance of course they need to know so they can keep an eye out in school and find a way to keep OPs dd (and other girls) safe.

Really sorry OP for not reading your updates, I see no parent was visible.

I would be speaking to the school so they can put a note out on ParentMail or Class Dojo etc about behaviour in the playground and hopefully get something in there too about young DC being unsupervised.

I think you should approach the parents OP as it happened out of school - the teachers were not involved and didn’t see it so what could they say to the parents? You are asking too much of teachers if you expect them do sort out problems that occur in your own time.
You can inform school so they are aware but keeping children separate in a school/class is virtually impossible.

That boy sounds like he’s a bully and a thug. I wonder what his family is like. Report to social services so that they can check up on the situation. The family might be already known to them.

Definitely report it to the school.
This is feral behaviour.

Why weren't the parent/s of the bullying 5 yr old boys present?

Or are they just allowed to run riot?

it sounds like abysmal parenting.

Your poor little girl.