DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

This is bloody awful. I was kicked in the back, outside of school, by some boys in the class above back in the 70s, and yes the school took it seriously! Why would they not? Horrible behaviour

It would be silly to stay at a school where you already know the teachers will not deal with serious bullying. It could happen at the next school, but ignoring serious violence is not the sign of a safe school so you have to move on. It is not the bullying that is the major issue, but the school (lack of) response.

Too many parents stay for too long when these things happen.

This is a very bad idea. Parents of children who are this violent at five are not always the best listeners.

My thoughts exactly.

@worriedmama91 I’m probably repeating what others have said but, yes school need to know. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. They need to know what happened to your DD and friend. However this behaviour does not materialise from nowhere. A safegconcern needs to be raised in regards to the bully. If there is violence like this in the house I would want social services involved to see if the child needs support too.

So parents are sitting in their cars ( engines running in winter?) waiting while their young children do as they please?

Nice.

If its a village why can nobody walk anywhere anymore?

I think your dh was a little unrealistic going back to the school when school had finished and kids were off school grounds.
You go in tomorrow with dd. Ask to talk to teacher to one side and explain they hurt dd and really scared her and you worried about dd safety in the school with these boys. What preventative actions can school take to ensure her safety.

Huge safeguarding issue that the kids are left with inadequate supervision. You need to raise this with the school - this is even more critical if the children wear a uniform because that behaviour reflects on them as a school too.

you also write down your concerns tonight and hand it in tomorrow after you have had a conversation with them. The schools response will tell you all you need to know (giving them the benefit of the doubt with the wholly inadequate and mysoginistic comment about boys playing rough).

if it is a small school you should be able to identify the child who did this easily or at least get the name from your child. Take photos of any injury and escalate to the governors in accordance with their complaints policy.

they have a legal duty for the welfare of your child when in their care, they need to get serious and give a clear plan on how they intend to keep your 5 year old safe without her being at any detriment (ie Jae having to stay in at breaks).

Well I’d expect the teachers to be aware of this and to ensure your DD is secure and safe at school.

I would also be taking myself around their houses and ensuring their parents know- confused as to why your DH didn’t pull the kids and parents up then and there. I’d be all over that not storming off to the school

It was out of school hours you should be supervising your child.

Retired middle manager here.

At the very least, the SLT can send an email round staff making them aware that there have been "problems in the community" and that they should watch for targeted bullying.

I wonder what would happen if you wrote a post on your village residents page about it.

These boys behaved like this whilst your husband was supervising? What did your husband do?
did any of these children have parents supervising? No parent stepped in?

There are so many hyperbolic and ridiculous replies here on all side. "Negligent school," suggesting only a weak man would avoid threatening a couple of six-year-olds...

OP, your idea to request that the teacher/headteacher talk to the boys' parents is completely sensible. I would also suggest you ask about playground supervision at school. I would hope that the boys' reaction to school staff would be different to that of your DH - kids that age often respect authority in school over that out of school, but they don't always. There is no evidence that she is at physical risk in school, but ask about it in order to give yourself some reassurance.

On another note, children aged six being left to play alone in a park is a safeguarding risk. It is neglectful. Please highlight that to the school. Their conversation with these boys' parents should include a discussion about adequately supervising their children. It may well be the tip of a poor parenting iceberg (though not necessarily, of course).

The real problem is that the kids are unsupervised enough that this went unchecked by their parents OP. I'm all for allowing kids their freedom and resolving minor squabbles amongst themselves and the park can be a great place for this but it's not bloody Lord Of The Flies! They still need a lot of supervision and guidance at this age.

I'm not sure you'll get much out of the parents challenging them on this though. You might just be best to avoid the park and maybe arrange a playdate instead. I think you're right to keep the teacher in the loop but it was a bit much to bug them about it after the school bell had gone. Had you raised it with them the next day I suspect you might have had a more positive reaction and maybe they would even have sent out a generic email asking people to supervise their children on the park

Haven't RTFT so hope someone has already posted this, but @worriedmama91 please also complain to the school governors. They have much more power over schools than most people realise.

It's very unusual behaviour. Are these children from rough backgrounds? It's not something a normal 6 year old would do. They are probably witnessing violence at home.
I mean rough play with each other is one thing but an unprovoked violent attack on a younger child, followed by the response when told off is very concerning.
I find it odd that no one knows who the parents are though. Surely the mum if the other girl, or there must have someone else there? Have you literally never been to the school gate or parents meeting or assembly or Nativity or sports day? Your daughter knows who they are if nothing else

No one likes having difficult conversations but Jesus.

Have a robust but civil conversation about the incident with the boys parents.

If dismissed or unable to find the boys caregivers then call non-emergency police to notify them of an assault and concerns that 3 5 year olds were left unsupervised in a public area.

Then inform the schools safeguarding lead.

Why? The school really hasn't had a chance to respond. The father should not have charged back into school - the school day was over. This can be dealt with tomorrow when the school is properly staffed.

The school definitely needs to know - this is disgraceful, bullying behaviour and these children should be hauled in and be told that they are fucking horrible little shits (I'm sure that won't be the phrasing but it should be as close as possible).

And I'd send your daughter to self-defence classes. They'll give her confidence and additionally, she can learn how to smack these boys in the mouth.

OP has said multiple times that her DH and the other parent were speaking to their DDs friend when it happend. You have no idea how far away ot how quickly the incident happened and your comment about running fast enough smacks of ableisim.

Why not show this much vitriol to the horrible little shits who attacked the girl and their scumbag parents who have raised them? You seem if the same ilk tbh.

So the kids that send social media and other messages outside school to that kid that self harms or worse… the school shouldn’t do anything about it cause it happens outside school?! Should it fuck. This is where it starts. Come down on them OP and come down hard.

I'd be inclined to make a formal complaint & if the school aren't willing to take it seriously, raise it with the board of governors. Bullying is unacceptable.

What is the complaint about? The school not working in the evening when they are not directed to or paid to?

Schools are blamed for everything 24 hours a day. The adults who were there should deal with it, the school's responsible for the child's safety during school hours. No doubt 'safeguarding' will be trotted out.