DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

I hate 'boys will be boys' and would love to see it disappear from the language: it excuses all sorts of bad behaviour. And they weren't playing rough in this instance, they were deliberately targeting a younger girl.

Bullies

I'm a primary teacher and my DD starts school in September.
If the school ever said anything to me like 'boys play rough' or 'boys will be boys' I would be absolutely furious. That is not ok.
No it didn't happen in school grounds but this sounds like an ongoing issue. Yes they need to be made aware. And why were these kids alone in the park.
Your poor DH.

@Gymrabbit DH ran over as soon as he realised they were running towards her. He had been trying to help DD's friend at the time they ran over to my DD. He shouted at them and told them off (he's ex military and I would be scared if he shouted) and yet the 6 year old boy who attacked DD just laughed! Obviously DH couldn't do anything more and after not being able to find their parents, he headed to the school to make them aware that the boys had targeted DD, in the hopes that the school will take action to protect her when we're not there!

wtf - 5 years old? why are these kids playing in the park solo?!

Poor DD not DH!

School should definitely speak to the boys parents and keep a close eye to ensure it doesn’t happen in school time. That is disgusting behaviour from 5 and 6 year olds.

Your DH could have spoken to school about it tomorrow though. I think he would have been better waiting to see which parents the boys went to and telling them what happened. He should have said something to the boys too. Surely if he started running after them straight away he could have caught up to 5 and 6 year olds.

Absolutely ignore all of this quoted post.

Of course the school would and should get involved. If there are teachers still in the school when their DH went then yes they should help deal with it. What are you expecting OP's DH to be able to do on his own with no parents of other children around?!

Thats awful, the parents are cowards as well, step forward and claim your kid. If my DD hurt another child I’d be there like a shot and she’d be getting an ear bashing.

Tell the school you expect them to talk to the parents and explain how they are going to keep the girls safe from attacks. I doubt they are any better behaved at school.

I have said it a few times now but will say it again for those who may have missed it. DH was helping DDs friend at the time of the incident, the park is small, many parents wait in their cars on the street while the children play. It's a very small village and only the school and park are there, nothing else around so only school chlidren playing there. By the time DH realised where they were heading and they shouted 'let's get (DD)' they were already on to her, he ran over immediately and shouted at the boys, who laughed in his face. DH was not standing by doing nothing and he was watching DD, just happened to have gone a few metres across to DD's friend who was being blocked from coming down off the climbing frame by these boys. The parents were either not supervising or simply wouldn't come forward, as mentioned before DH did try to see if anyone came to them. We do not know the parents, DD is in wrap around care so we do not see them and we haven't been at the school long enough to get to know them. For this reason, I have no watly to approach the parents to resolve this with them, hence why I would like the school to speak to them, not to discipline them just to make them aware of what their children are doing.

OP has explained this in one of her posts

the park is small, many parents wait in their cars on the street while the children play.

While what happened is absolutely horrendous, it sounds like none of the children were being adequately supervised if all the parents are just sitting in their cars while their children run riot.

The school should deal with it because they are classmates. The teacher should be aware and address it.

I worked in a school for several years and have sanctioned students for incidents witnesses outside of school hours. Although, they were in uniform.

I souldnt have rushed straight into school. But would have emailed.
Making it clear the kods had
Already upset other girl
Then unprovoked chased dc down to then attack her when they caught her

This was not play, dd was not playing so not rough play. Targetted attack. To effectively beat her up. Its assault.

School should know so thet tell kids they know about it
And to talk to the class about effectively consent is everyone playing, are they hapoy to play, enjoying it, or are you attacking them

Good God. I would've phoned the police. You still can! It's physical assault. Surely?

Age 5?!!! You move schools. She shouldn't be subjected to that. If there was one violent kid targeting my 5 year old, I'd move her, let alone a group and with the teacher's dismissive comment? Fuck that. Don't mess around. Move her. Play away from the rough kids when out.

Definitely let the school know what happened so they can keep an eye on the boys behaviour but this was after school where parents should have been supervising their own children tbh. You don’t say if it was a teacher your DH spoke to or another member of staff. School staff aren’t responsible for pupils behaviour after school has finished unless it’s a specific school event. Teaching staff shouldn’t need to speak to the parents of these children if the incident didn’t happen in school time nor on school premises.

I used to get parents coming to me on a Monday mornings over some Snapchat nonsense that had taken place at the weekend. Of course it was helpful to know to keep an eye on things in school but there’s no way would I have spoken to parents about it. It’s the parents job to parent their children out of school not the teachers.

I would be requesting an urgent meeting with the school tomorrow. If there are marks on your DD then take photographs and also observe them and take further photos if they get worse.

I had a similar incident with older children at an activity with my DS, I provided photographs of his injuries and the two boys concerned were put on a warning and then excluded from the activity due to violent behaviour to other children.

I think if you speak to the school tomorrow someone more senior should be there to take action, you need to know DD and her friend are safe at school and the parents of the boys need to know what happened.

Also if five year olds are going to the park unaccompanied than that is also unacceptable and needs to be addressed

Does your DD know the names of the boys involved? If so I’d be insisting the school take action. If they don’t I’d speak to the boys parents and tell them that whereas you cannot involve the police due to their age you will be speaking to SS over your concerns about their behaviour and lack of parental supervision. Hopefully that’ll put a rocket up the parents to control their feral children.
( and no need to involve SS of course, before anyone jumps on that, hopefully the thought of involvement will work)
Hope your daughter is ok.

If the children were not supervised, you can report to the police. They are below the age of criminal responsibility so it is not about them being prosecuted, but actually if young children are out in public committing acts of violence without any adult there to supervise then this is neglect.

Report to the police and also to the school in writing - including reporting the fact the staff member said about boys playing rough. Tell school you have reported to the police too in view of the fact it was very violent and the child appeared to have no adult with them.

And I agree about moving schools. I would give the school one very short opportunity to deal with this and then just move.

I'm sorry but I absolutely would have marched straight into the schools if a FIVE YEAR OLD girl was chased and kneed in the back causing physical and emotional pain to her. How bloody scary for that poor little girl. I'd have struggled to contain myself not to chase after the boys myself.

I'm so sorry OP, my blood is boiling just thinking about this happening :( I hope your DD is able to get over it.

The offenders are 6 - under the age of criminal responsibility. What do the police do in cases like that?

I'd have collared the little fuckers and shouted whose child is this please? If no one came forward, March them back into school!

As a teacher, outside of school incidents is a bit of a grey area however in this case school should absolutely be involved and all of the boys parents informed. The ‘boys play rough’ isn’t an adequate response but I would give them benefit of the doubt your husband caught them on the hop and they didn’t quite understand what had happened. Hope your DD is ok, that sounds awful for her. I would have a read of the schools anti bullying policy tonight too so you can see if they follow policy in the meeting.

Absolutely inform them. Yabu to expect them to be able to do anything about this really, the parents were supervising.