DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

I think sometimes we don't want to intervene or " make a fuss" but really if a kid had kneed my little one in the back, I'd be saying something.

Couldn’t your DH ask the boys where/who their parents were? Or ask the other children? By all means tell the school but the onus is on you to keep your own kid safe outside school. Disgusting behaviour though.

Not being funny OP but I'd seriously be thinking of removing my daughter from that school. What kind of kids is she going to school with?? What is happening to them at home that they would behave in such a way?

Well done to your husband for not smacking that boy, because I would have

You're joking right?

They are in the same class at school and the school would absolutely advise against this

As the incident happened outside the school day I dont think the school can be expected to discipline the boys or call their parents. I do think they need to be aware of this though.
I would tell them that your daughter is coming home from school unhappy because they are calling her names and that it escalated to a physical attack on the park which your husband and another parent witnessed. I would say that you are concerned about her safety in school and want to be sure that they will keep a careful eye on this.

I would inform school but not expect them to issue a punishment for something that took place out of school.

Your DH should have been supervising her better at that age. He should have also found out who the perpetrator belonged to.

Call the police. They assaulted your daughter, that will force the school to take this seriously. The fact they laughed at your DH is chilling. Better intervene now or they will learn that violence against women and girls is okay.

The fact that these little thugs didn't care that one of their victim's father was there is shocking! So brazen.

Honestly some of the comments on here are a joke. Of course she should talk to the school about it and if they're at all decent they'll do something about it.

Only the shittest of the shit schools would do nothing, tbh attracting these kinds of pupils my expectations of the school are pretty low

I'm assuming you come from a city or a deprived area OP because this kind of fucked up shit doesn't happen where I live

This is a serious incident and you do need to have a word with the school.

The schools initial response was not good, but neither was your DH's response. Your DD was under his care at the time, not the school's care.

Your poor dd. I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my child back to that school without a risk management plan in place to protect her from this group of boys’ violent behaviour. It is not “rough play” it is assault. And there are safeguarding concerns for the boys in thinking this is an ok way to treat others - it probably means they themselves have been targeted and hurt and is a learned behaviour. If this happened to me as an adult woman by a group of men I would be traumatised, imagine being only 5 years old and the response being “they were just playing”. The school sounds like a disgrace!

Do everything via email, so you have a paper trail.
I would also be speaking directly to the parents about their children’s’ unprovoked attack on your daughter.

whilst this was an extreme case, it does show that schools absolutely can choose to intervene when pupils attack another pupil off school premises. I believe those school girls were 11 so still children.

www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/five-suspects-ashford-racist-attack-26211140

"Boys will be boys" has a lot to answer for when it comes to gown mens hostility and aggression towards women. These teachers need to step up and show these boys that their behaviour is unacceptable.

This happened after school? It’s not a school issue then, where were the boy’s parents what did they do? Say? What did you dh say to them?
obviously the school has a responsibility to make sure she’s safe whilst there though

a. Take photos of any bruises.
b. Write down exactly what happened
c. Ask parents of daughter's friend to go with you.
d. Ask to speak to the Safeguarding lead member of staff & safeguarding governor.
e. Ask for investigation
g. "Boys will be boys is not an acceptable answer".
h. Send copies of emails to local authority Safeguarding Lead.

These are my feelings too.

Your first line is very offensive, IMO. What you propose would get you in very serious trouble. You're basically suggesting he threatens a five year old with violence? I'm not sure what world you live in but it's definitely not England, as you be in serious trouble with the police and SS for that kind of behaviour.

The OP already said he reprimanded them and they laughed in his face. In reality there's little more he can do. At their age, it's an issue for their parents who obviously couldn't be found. To call him a wet dishrag is incredibly disrespectful.

What a ridiculous comment - I intervened the other day when some kids from a very posh private school were vandalising play equipment. Parent was sat on his phone taking no notice. People of all income levels can do shit and lazy parenting.

Wouldn’t five year olds be the responsibility of their parents though when not at school ?
the school can’t be responsible for everything a child does out of school can they

You need to call the police and relate the attack, if they can’t make it to you at least get an incident number to give to the school. It’s the only way to get schools to behave correctly nowadays I’m afraid. They need to feel like they’re being held accountable for their actions. It’s ridiculous I know but they will just fob you off if you don’t.

@Maray1967
I'm well aware of that thank you. But physical assault should still be reported to the police.

I can't believe people are suggesting an ex military man should have assaulted 5/6 year olds in retaliation.

Reporting it to the police id the only way to get the negligent school to take it seriously.