DD(5) attacked in park by classmates

[worriedmama91]

Posting here for traffic as I really need advice by tomorrow morning. Name changed as this is outing. This is long, I’m sorry!

After school today my DD(5) went to the local park to play. For context the park is right next to the school and all the children go there after school. She has been called names by a couple of boys in her school previously and has said they’re mean, I have always just told her to ignore them and tell the teacher if they’re being unkind. Today those boys after tormenting DD’s friend and making her cry said ‘let’s get (DD)’ they proceeded to chase her with one boy, a year older than DD (but in the same class as it’s a small school) grabbed her from behind by the shoulders and kneed her hard in the back. DD was inconsolable and in pain, she had been very scared trying to run from them.

I wasn’t present but DH was, he immediately went next door to the school to inform them so that DD will be kept safe in school from these boys but their response was ‘oh gosh well boys do play rough’. The mum of DD’s friend witnessed the whole situation and was unhappy herself with them making her DD cry so I know she will back me up.

I emailed the school to advise them of the situation and explain that I would like to speak to them tomorrow in regards to the situation so that I can feel comfortable with sending DD in to school. As of yet no respone but I plan on asking to speak to them in the morning after drop off.

My question is AIBU to expect the school to take action despite this taking place off school grounds? All I’m asking is that they speak to the boys’ parents and make sure the boys are aware that nothing similar can happen again. Is there anything I should expect the school to do or is it nothing to do with them?

In addition if anyone has any advice of what to say/how to word myself that would be great, I’m awful at confrontation and fear I may just cry! So upset that my poor DD has been targeted, apparently they always call her a baby.

@worriedmama91

I really hope your daughter is OK and that you have managed to get some sort of safeguarding underway today. Have been checking since yesterday to see if you've had some support from the school with this xx

Didn't even read past age 5. No way any 5 year olds should be alone unsupervised. This is solely the adults fault and you know it. Shameful.

If you'd read a bit further you'd have seen that her father was with her.

Take another tack - raise it as a safeguarding that these boys attacked your daughter and your husband couldn’t find their parents so your worried that they weren’t being supervised as your husband searched and couldn’t find any parents to speak to in the aftermath. Then the school are forced to do something.
Vile little pack animals - how awful
for her.

Do you read anything?

Her DH shouted at them but they laughed in his face!

@worriedmama91 what an awful situ. I suspect tge ultimate way yo protect her is teach her self defence - Judo, Karate etc.

Your poor daughter. The school needs to nip this kind of thing in the bud. Tackling bullying of any kind effectively is an important part of the school’s safeguarding responsibility, and it is not good enough for them to brush it off. Write an email to the teacher detailing all the instances of verbal abuse you can remember your daughter mentioning and describing the incident in the park again. Use the word bullying. They will not want a written record of a complaint of bullying to go unanswered and unaddressed. If you are not satisfied with their actions or if your daughter continues to complain of verbal or physical attack by this group you should write to the head and ask about the school’s anti-bullying and safeguarding policies. In extremis, write to the safeguarding lead on the Board of Governors. You got this, OP!

We had a similar scenario where there was a park right by the school which we all went to on dry afternoons. There were a few children who lived very locally whose parents were happy for them to go there without supervision. We had several incidents with one young thug boy who never had a parent there.

Sadly - I think it is often the latchkey kids who do misbehave, for a number of possible reasons. The school should be made aware of the incident and asked to watch out for your DD, but they can't police things that happen outside school.

Poor DD. That is horribly young to start experiencing this sort of behaviour.....

🙄
Threaten them?

No, don’t do any of this. Your child has been called names in school and this needs to be addressed. There’s also been an attack on her outside of school and it’s important that the school are aware of this so they can protect her at school and work with the child that hurt her.

’Going nuclear’ and ‘threatening’ is absolutely not the route to take and will help nobody. Just work with the school in a calm manner, being clear about an outcome. Hopefully the situation will resolve with the correct support.

This is horrible, horrible behaviour from 5 year olds! If they were in school uniform it reflects on the school. The comment they made is unacceptable. It is bullying. If they do this with adults present what will they do in school when teachers are away for a minute/busy.

make a fuss mum!! Good luck.

How is something that happened after school, not on school grounds, with the child's parent present, the school's fault?

Im not saying the school shouldn’t involve themselves, to try to prevent the same thing happening again, but it’s ridiculous to blame the school.

Exactly. It is this complaint mentality that is driving teachers and headteachers out of the profession. There was an article about it in The Times a couple of weeks ago. It’s so much worse since lockdown. Don’t complain, work with the school in a rational manner.

If its not dealt with how you feels is right for you get the police involved Ive done this threatened them with police involvement and the child that was the assaulter cried his eyes out and begged us not to involve the police we gave our son the choice he wasn't a baby it was secondary school never laid a finger on him again even though it was a 1 off event. if you don't nip it in the bud now the school could have a suicide on their hands. And for anybody who poo poos this and says there only kids sorry no their not they are the lowest of the low their bullies

The boy is 5 or 6 years old for goodness sake! No crime has been committed. No need to call the police 🙄

It's not the school's fault, but they have the power to stop the boys in their tracks by disciplining them, and clearly they should do so.

The school did nothing wrong so there is nothing for them to be held accountable for. As the boys concerned are 6, there is nothing the police can do.

It's perfectly appropriate for a school to sanction children for something that happened out of school, in fact Department for Education guidance advises that this would be particularly appropriate where one school child is threatening another.

Why wasnt. Your husband watching his child in the park?

Not sure that this happening in a park under supervision of parents has much to do with the school. Anything that happens within school absolutely does though

Why didn't you read OP's posts before commenting?

Definitely tell the school so they can keep your DD and her friend safe. Also because no 5 year old should know about grabbing people from behind and kneeing them in the back. They were also effectively playing unsupervised in a public place at 5 years old - imo If they behaved this badly and no parents ran over to chide them, they were not being effectively supervised. This just yells 'safeguarding issue' to me, and needs to be monitored for everyone's sake.

I’m not sure why you’re quoting me. Unless you’re trying to provoke something my post was ages ago and has been thanked by a lot of people as being the correct route. The boys are in her school and she wants them keeping separate there is nothing wrong with her actions at all. I have said they won’t bother unless she gets a police incident number for the altercation. I assume from your post bring up a post that must be pages back by now that this thread has descended into bitting at people as so many do on mumsnet. Stop being silly.

The OP reports that her daughter has complained of these boys calling her names at school. They have then victimised her outside school. It is a continuation and escalation of a pattern of behaviour that took root at school. As such, it is the school’s responsibility to take seriously the OP’s concerns rather than to dismiss it as ‘boys will be boys!’ and to address the culture of bullying developing in this year group.

Because the bullying was prior to this incident. Her DD had been picked on during school hours. It has escalated outside of school hours but it started in school hours. If the school hasn’t done enough to stamp it out immediately then I say they have a part to play in this.

This is how it starts. Some of you don’t seem to have much experience of what it is to be bullied, see bullying or have a bullied child. Schools aren’t doing enough, they never have done.

Exactly!

The relationship is formed from the school connection so the school has a duty of care to consider this "bullying" and apply the anti-bullying policy. I would demand a copy of their policy, ask them to print it for you to form an action plan tomorrow and hold them accountable to a deadline for follow up. If you are professional they will see you are not being simply emotional but know yours and your child's rights. If this is not nipped in the bud, then the boys will continue on other children and it will be passed over by the school. If the child was in fear then its bullying ... end of!

In addition I would speak to the class teacher with the head present and insist that a program of anti-bullying activities takes place in the class or across schoool - ask for evidence of this and ensure that the boys responsible are included.

One final thing you can do is put in writing all of the above, on an email that you know they cannot deny has been sent, and also request that formal action be taken against the boy... i.e. his parents are called into a meeting and he is given a consequence. People avoid doing this because they think it makes the bullying worse as the child "snitched" but the school has people trained in this and they must comply with the law and all schools are required by law and inspected as such here.. bullying at school gov.uk. The bullying wont stop if not reported so go full steam and insist on periodical follow ups, as well as class feedback. If the school do not respond report them to OFSTED but make sure you have sent multiple emails and requested follow up by a specific date and then show they have neglected to put a response in writing. Insist on response in writing from the school about what they will do to tackle this.

Any physical abuse of a child is unacceptable!

The incident did not happen while they were in school. What the school can do is keep and eye on what's happening in school time and make sure nothing happens there.