To not want my child to go to a friend's house when I haven't met the parents.

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

My son is 11 and is about to finish Y6 and start Y7 in September. The past month or so he seems to have grown up in lots of ways in a short space of time. He's come home saying he has a gf, a new girl at school, and spends a lot of time on the phone with her (he's only had a phone since he started cycling to school independently a year ago and never bothered with it. We had to remind him to charge it). Today he said he was going to cycle down to the nearby park to meet said gf and some other friends we know. He's never gone out independently to meet friends before, he's quite shy and timid but I was really happy he wanted to do this and let him go. About 20 minutes later he comes back home with this new gf in tow.
I said it was lovely to meet her but did her mum definitely know she was here and was it OK with her? I said I can't have children in my house with the parents not knowing, she said her mum does know as she texted her. I said sorry but I will need to check can I have your mums number, she willingly gave it to me and they went upstairs and I texted the mum. I don't know her name, whereabouts she lives or anything about her. I said "Hiya, it's XX, DS's mum. Just checking you are aware YY is at our house and that is OK with you? It's fine with us if it is with you, lovely to meet her" 20 mins later she texted back "yeh that's fine but back by 6 plz".
Is it just me that thinks it's a bit odd to let your kid go to other peoples houses without checking with the parents first and not knowing a damn thing about said parents? I could be a raging drug addict, passed out on my sofa with a needle in my arm with a couple of rabid dogs running around for all this woman knows.
I don't know if DS is expecting to go round to GF's house on the whim of an invite but I am not at all comfortable with it until I've met her parents.
Am I too uptight and is this just a normal part of growing up? It gives me the heebie jeebies.

Sorry for replying twice in a row but I’m just catching up on the thread. I’m not sure why you think being out on the street, with strangers around, is safer than being in one friend’s house? I’m not sure what you think happens between those walls and why their friends’ parents would be so untrustworthy when you know nothing about them to make you feel that way.

No, it's the same in England. They go the academic year they turn 12. Year 6 can still be 10 though at the end of the summer term because their birthday is end of July or August.

My son is well aware of safe sex and things like teen pregnancy. I don't need to be told to teach him these things, thank you. He hasn't started puberty yet and he wasn't left alone with the girl. As I said in a PP, the door was open and my DH was cleaning the bathroom opposite the room.

I have absolutely no idea where you got the idea that he was texting "all night". He was texting her a "lot" which considering he didn't even bother to charge his phone before, could be a few times a day.

He also does all the normal activities for an 11 year old boy.

What a lot of strange assumptions you made in that reply.

No, I don't do school runs as I said in my OP, my son cycles himself to and from school and she's a new girl at the school as I also said in my OP. I have absolutely no idea who the parents are, to this day. I don't know her last name, I know nothing.

I've just come back on mumsnet and seen all the new replies. Haven't caught up on all of them yet but just to say, the relationship with this girl last about a week and I haven't seen her since and everything is as it was before so I guess it was a big nothing

Don't worry, your son wouldn't have a bike or a phone if you were a passed-out-on-the-sofa-with-a-needle-hanging-out-your-arm drug addict

My daughters never minded letting us know where they were - street address and so on - or having us text the parents to check it was okay for them to be there. It was just routine to them, and I think it made them feel safe.

Also, of course, it left me no way out when they texted 'can you pick me up from Alice's at nine thirty. you've got the address...'

You made out like he spends most of his time talking to this girl. It's not a strange assumption at all considering what you wrote. It's not normal for primary school children to date like teenagers which is why I mentioned teaching him about safe sex. Many children don't fully understand it. Most primary school 'couples' just hang out on the school playground. You sound very defensive considering you started this thread to judge the girl's mum.

I didn't ask for advice about teen sex and pregnancy though. The thread was about children hanging out at each other's houses with little parental knowledge. Not about my prepubescent son knocking up another 11 year old.