Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

There’s no way I’d let them with my DC drinking 3 bottle a of wine a day. That’s completely inappropriate.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

You've answered your own question. Do not do it.

You are being paid 300k to become a carer to an annoying alcoholic who can't live alone in their 50s. If you said "yes" it would be the biggest regret of your whole life!

No way would I have someone drinking 3 bottles of wine a day come and live with me. And you absolutely can't inflict this person on your son.

They may only be in their 50s but at that level of consumption they will undoubtedly develop serious health issues before very long. Do you want to have to deal with those?

No

Is it a sibling?

I wouldn’t contemplate an annex either.

Putting their money into your house is a massive trap. They could never move out. Or would try to take their money. What if the worst happened and you divorced ( brought on by the stress of housing this person), one person would be left with half the value of the house and toxic rellie to house.

What if one of you got a fantastic opportunity and you wanted to move area, move house?

And anyway any annoying control freak will not respect boundaries and stay in an annex.

Only consideration would be moving to somewhere with a separate annex

no

If they're drinking three bottles of wine a day you could have social services round in the interest of your child if anyone were to find out.

If their behaviour deteriorates, you’ll be stuck with them because they won’t have a place to go to and you’ll feel too guilty to put them on the streets.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing. NOPE No definitely not. So you'd be a live in rehabilitation person.

Get them to use their money to pay for a private rehab and then a house after that.

It could be another 45 years if my grandmother is anything to go by. The woman is pickled and almost 100.

Feck no.

I'd never invite discord into my life, it will be hell.

Unless you want to packet the cash then divorce, take half the money and run away.

3 bottles of wine a day?! Jesus, OP, NO, I would not let them live with you and your child! If they're annoying now, they'll only get more annoying as time goes on. And what happens if you can't help them "reduce" the amount they drink? Will they blame you? What happens if they get worse and there comes a point you actually can't live with them any more? You'll already have spent a good chunk of their money paying off your mortgage, so it's not like you can give it all back if it doesn't work out.

Another way to look at it, is if they live to their 80s that's 10k per year for what is essentially a 24/7 care job. You could make an extra 10k per year doing something a lot less demanding.

I would for my MIL as even though she almost exactly fits your description I love her to bits.

Nope. Unless you devote some of the money to an extra bathroom and living room for them.

Oh no. An alcoholic does not make a good room-mate . You don’t say how old you and your family are, but if your son is still of school age, this could ruin his childhood and hasten his leaving .

@L4815 they no longer feel able to live alone because of the addiction problem?

my answer is no regardless but if there’s other issues as well, then it becomes a Lavon Hayes no!

Not for a million.

My friend did it with her mother, (alco also) and she ruined their family life and home. I’m surprised her marriage has lasted. Painful.

Three bottles of wine a day and unable to live on their own is not a functional alcoholic. They are an alcoholic and your life would be hell.

3 hundred thousand times no. Don’t sell out.

Also, when you're living with an alcoholic, you're saddling your child with a 'dirty secret'. They'll feel they have to hide that and not fully be able to be themselves. It's a horrible thing to do to a kid. They'll pay for it in the future.

What happens to the £300k when living with this person and their alcoholism puts such pressure on your marriage that it leads you to divorce?