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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

525 replies

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:40

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 11/07/2024 17:49

Nope. No privacy and peace and quiet for what could be 20+ yrs. No chance

StormingNorman · 11/07/2024 17:49

No. They’ll do less around the house than you imagine, become more annoying by the day and could be with you for 40 years if only in their 50s. And forget about help to reduce their alcohol intake, this isn’t something you can manage for them.

neilyoungismyhero · 11/07/2024 17:49

I'd say no no no and another no...

Jujubeez · 11/07/2024 17:50

Don't do it. That's not enough money to put up with a situation that could go on for decades. Read threads of people with family members in granny flats. Imagine how much worse it will be for you in much less space.

noctilucentcloud · 11/07/2024 17:50

I don't think bringing conflict and an alcoholic into the home when you have a child is a good idea and one of you doesn't want them there, which in mind makes the decision a no. You also need to consider what happens if their health gets worse and they need care and expect/want you to provide that. Particularly if it reaches a stage where they require someone there during the day or help at night.

If they have £300,000 they have options such as supported living in the same area as you.

Iffx · 11/07/2024 17:50

No.

the 300k is not even an incentive. It equates to 25 years rent at £1000 per month.

Dogdaycommeth · 11/07/2024 17:50

No not without a seperate annexe.
Run a mile

Ilovemyshed · 11/07/2024 17:50

No, it will never end well.

macaroniandcheeze · 11/07/2024 17:51

cheezncrackers · 11/07/2024 17:44

For £300k surely they could buy their own property anyway? Why on Earth do they want to live with you?

That was my first thought.
Do they anticipate you eventually becoming their carer?

Doseofreality · 11/07/2024 17:51

Any children or plans for children? No way would I have my children living with an alcoholic.

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:51

Sorry, I should have said that the 300k would come from the sale of their home. They no longer feel able to live alone, so they want to sell up and move in with us, in exchange, giving us the money from the house sale.

OP posts:
LessOfMe99 · 11/07/2024 17:51

Bo

maslinpan · 11/07/2024 17:51

Not only are they extraordinarily annoying, but they are a functioning alcoholic, and one of the adults involved has already said a flat NO to this plan. It's really not worth the financial reward on any level. Feeling a bit sorry for somebody doesn't mean that you can't look at the very obvious and major disadvantages to this plan and think Fuck NO!!!

LessOfMe99 · 11/07/2024 17:52

*No

PrincessHoneysuckle · 11/07/2024 17:52

Take the money then kick mil out

lovelyhat · 11/07/2024 17:52

Not in a million years.

PeloMom · 11/07/2024 17:53

I’ll add. If one of you really wants it, I suppose you could sell your house and buy one with an in-law suite/ annexe so that they have their own space and you’re only available in an emergency (assuming the 300k can stretch that far in your area). The rest of the time they stay in their space and live their life.

EachandEveryone · 11/07/2024 17:53

They need to buy some kind of semi sheltered housing?

SonicTheHodgeheg · 11/07/2024 17:53

If they are an alcoholic then I think it’s highly likely that you’ll fall out. They’ll want their 300k returned or even worse- their 300k returned with interest because your house price has gone up.

butterfly0404 · 11/07/2024 17:54

Not unless some sort of legal agreement was drawn up in case family member then makes some sort of rights claim on the family home. All sorts of legal minefields here!

AbstemiousBreakfast · 11/07/2024 17:54

I'd be tempted as well, but ultimately wouldn't do it in a million years.

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:54

Alcohol consumption is currently about 3 bottles of wine a day.

OP posts:
WiseMenSayNothing · 11/07/2024 17:54

L4815 · 11/07/2024 17:51

Sorry, I should have said that the 300k would come from the sale of their home. They no longer feel able to live alone, so they want to sell up and move in with us, in exchange, giving us the money from the house sale.

Sheltered accommodation and carers?
Not a chance would I be able to live with someone like this.

PickledPurplePickle · 11/07/2024 17:54

Nope

TraumaSalt · 11/07/2024 17:54

No way. Not even in a separate property on the same site let alone in a terrace house!