Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

This thread took a bit of a turn. 🤣

Omg I'm so glad MN posted this to FB. @DanielGault you are my midnight feed hero.

Annoying yes.
"needs to be in control of everything" nope
functioning alcoholic who needs your help quitting? nope nope nopity nope not for a million quid

Nooooooooooooo!!!!

Don't do it.

Absolutely not.

If I had a huge house with an annexe then I may give it some thought but I’d still say no.

It’s not enough money to consider living with someone who you already know is annoying and an alcoholic who will get older and need more care.

No mentally sane person uses so many capitals. It was ever thus.

No, dont invite an alcoholic to live with your child. Your whole dynamic will change and not in a good way - suggest they move to an apartment closer they have enough money. No amount of money is worth the insanity this will cause you as a family.

Don’t do it!!!

We’ve just had to ask my mum to leave after 4 years as her behaviour was getting so bad. Constantly whinging, strops, analysis of our spending etc. It’s never ending 🙄 It’s likely to be about 2 years until she gets a place as there’s a waiting list but it’s better than 20 (ish) years.

Still love her though!

Absolutely not.

For context £300k would be absolutely life changing for me. I rent as I cannot afford to buy my own home and £300k would buy a house outright in my area.

But I absolutely couldn't live with a recovering addict who was "controlling" it would drive me mad.

Not a chance. My peace is much more expensive than £300K.

I don't know why, but all that talk of throws on chairs just conjured up an image of someone standing in the corner with a throw over their head.

You say they like to be in control of everything now. I imagine they will expect this even more because of the 300k and they will remind you of this daily. Can you live with that?

I’d do this, but I’d buy somewhere bigger with more space/ more bathrooms or granny annexe type addition. Look at the pro’s, always someone around if you need childcare, mortgage paid off or at least massively contributed to if you bought somewhere better.

No.

Your duty is to your child, who would have to option to escape the chaos associated with living with an alcoholic.

Allowing alcoholic relative to move in will enable him/ her to carry on drinking, as the need to work/function is gone. You can’t make an alcoholic recover- only the alcoholic can do that.

Don’t do it in you current set up. Could you look for a bigger property with the extra £300k - perhaps something with an annex so they would have their own living space? Where you could pay off the mortgage and also have a bit of extra space yourselves? That’s the only way I’d consider it.

Actually I’ve considered it and it’s not worth it - even with a bigger house/annex. They will end up completely reliant on you - for money too so you’ll just end up giving the money back longer term. It would be different if they weren’t an alcoholic and just a bit lonely but there is far too much at stake here. Like you say - suggest they move closer and downsize but don’t let them move in- you’d regret it and it would be very hard to undo once it’s done.

Does it say in this thread why they want to move in with you rather than buy their own place and hire carers?

Not a chance. Some things aren't for sale. That should include a peaceful home for you and family to enjoy without disturbance.

Don't take advice from someone who can't even string a sentence together

I did do it, I wouldn't stay in that house though. We moved so everyone had their own space and it's worked lovely.

@L4815 what did you decide ?

I wouldn't because yes you get 300k but you also have to house and feed someone for potentially 30 years. You would spend a lot of that money doing so.

Plus home should always be a haven not the place you dread returning to.

No chance.

if you do have a large house with an annex, I might consider them paying rent, with a year in advance to see how it goes. But no I wouldn’t be accepting £300k to put up with someone indefinitely regardless of their behaviour. Also signing up to be someone’s end of life carer potentially…

And how is your relatives alcoholism impacting your situation? Are you going into their space to clean up the shit, piss and vomit?

Or has your relative managed to quit?

One bathroom - just no.