Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

A thousand times no. Your poor son that you're even considering this!

Let them live with the person who feels ok about it. The other person rents a nice flat somewhere with DS, split the money.

NO

If you have children or plan on having children and have used the word “alcoholic”, even with qualifiers to describe this person, then if you proceed, you are horrible parents. You can not let your children live with an alcoholic, even if you think you can temper the drinking.

doing it to yourselves, you are absolute idiots. It doesn’t matter if it was 3 million, or 300 million. Don’t move an alcoholic into your home.

FUCK NO

I missed the bit about 3 bottles of wine a day. That's a big fat no from me.
Also, if this person needs residential care, the gifting of the money may be seen as a deprivation of assets.

That could well turn out to be your house or your marriage. I've had perfectly nice relatives live with us and it's very difficult. I'd take your husband's concerns very seriously (and it's his house too)

Are there other families (like your siblings ) who are going to be salty that you are getting 300k that they are not ? Are they going to think that this is some sort of financial abuse ?

Absolutely not. Especially not an alcoholic, you can't assist an alcoholic with "reducing" they need to take ownership of their own disease and be committed to going sober and never touching it again. I have witnessed my FIL drink himself to death, you can't fix them.

Even without the alcoholism, there is more to life than money and what is "incredibly annoying" now will very soon become unbearable, especially to whoever is not directly related to them.

We've had this conversation.

We would end up divorced. It's not worth losing your marriage and 20 years of your life, plus your sanity.

Can't they buy a flat or sheltered place nearby? These are often cheaper than normal housing. No way would I be happy with this scenario. All sorts of complications including legal ones. 3 bottles of wine a day is full alcoholic territory.

The reason they're not buying their own property is, I imagine, because they're expecting you to care for them. That's what their £300k is buying.

no

Nope.

If I had a home with an annex so they had space to go to possibly - but even then probably not.

I was going to say maybe, because I have a big enough house that they could have their own bedroom, bathroom and sitting room so only the kitchen would be shared, and I could impose rules about space. However, when I got to the alcoholic part it became a resounding no. Reading about your space, an even firmer no. And that's without any complications arising from allowing someone to pay off your mortgage without acquiring any interest in your house, which would be their home. The only way you should even consider it is if they get help and are in recovery and you consult a solicitor.

How old is DS?

I absolutely would not move an alcoholic in with my DC for any amount of money.

if they managed to get sober then I’d look at investing their money into a bigger house for everyone.

3 bottles of wine a day. And I see you do have a child.

if I was the non-relative parent and you tried this, I would take the child and divorce so fast your head would spin

Fuck no.

get the ££££ before you let them over the threshold

I wouldn’t want my child to see and normalise this behaviour and develop a dependency on alcohol when they are older. That would drive me more than the pain that I would go through cleaning up vomit, being abused by the relative when drunk etc

If they give you 300k, where will the money for the alcohol come from ?

Is there space for potential house extension? Preferably a annex so they would have their own space?

They might have moved in and then not paid. Started saying they need the money for their old age and then frittered it.

Could you purchase somewhere bigger with an annex?

The ONLY way I would do this is the yell, you sell and you buy a house with a separate annexe and the house is yours.

Why can someone only in their 50s not live alone?

It's a 'no' from me, not in a house with only 1 bathroom and 1 living room, apart from anything else.