Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

Absolutely not.

A 50 something can be self sufficient.

Your whole life as parents of a young child, as a family, would be marred by living with an incredibly annoying, controlling functioning alcoholic (who will not cut down under your magical influence, they just won’t)

they could live for 30 or even 40 years.

They might meet someone and either bring them home with them, or eventually want to move out and demand their money back.

Someone who is increase annoying when seen for visits, occasions and out of your house will become absolutely unbearable living in your home 24/7.

They will become more infirm and needy over time due to the health issues. Imagine your household with a teen doing GCSEs and an incredibly annoying controlling nerdy person dominating the home.

Awful.

On balance I would say…. Mmmm… probably NO.

But would support them to look for an O55s sheltered housing or something.

No! Crazy idea. Enabling an addict for (a lot of) money) is a shit life plan.

Proximity to addiction in the household is v v bad for DC. Could lead to serious damage or even the end of your nuclear family relationship(s).

& being mercenary if the addict’s health issues lead to care needs it could cost more than the £300k

Having grown up with an alcoholic father, and also seeing the havoc a friend’s alcoholic sibling is wreaking on their parents, absolutely no way.

Hell no with bells on. I assume this is one of your parents, is there any siblings who would be unhappy at losing out on part of their inheritance if this is the case? And an alcoholic around a child is incredibly unhealthy and quite frankly a safeguarding issue. What if they mentioned at school they had someone drunk living with them? You could find yourself having embarrassing conversations at best. Even if an annex was possible, I’d not have that sort of person anywhere near my child.

You’re also clueless about addiction if you think the addict is ‘functioning’ & just ‘needs our help reducing’

You’re going to move an alcoholic into your child’s home? THREE BOTTLES OF WINE A DAY. Around your child. Read that back. That’s quite a wow moment even for mumsnet.

Fuck no.

Annexe or no annexe you will be their carer. 300k doesn't go that far in reality, and if you have to buy in care at some point? They could live for decades.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to consider it tbh.

I wouldn’t. If it is your MIL and your DH doesn’t want to, he will only feel more strongly about it over time, IME. Plus very guilty about avoiding her.

Get them into rehab (or look at the Sinclair method) do they want to stop drinking?

So they'll be moving in before they actually have access to the money?
You know that means you'll never actually SEE the money- right?

Is that to cover living costs? Utilities, food, water, etc?

If they lived with you for 20 years, it would break down into 15K/year. Is it worth 15K/year to put up with them?

No way. The alcoholism and expectation that you will manage it is a total deal breaker.

If they live 30 year it’s 10k a year
is that worth it

It’s nit another 20, more like potentially 40 years… no way.

No.

The alcohol is a big issue.

But also, you would need some form of legal contract drawn up to clearly state what happens to the money should they decide they want to move out - you can't repay it if you have used some of it to pay off your mortgage. You would have to remortgage.

Or if they end up in a care home - who pays for that if they gave all their money to you.

Or if you and DH separate?

I would want to have every last scenario gone over in great detail before I considered it.

But the alcohol means it's a No from me.

lock em with the attic with plenty of booze, they wont last 20 years!

Yes, I would. With an extra 300,000, buy a house with an annexe and then you can have a better situation

Nope. And double nope to being their therapist, too.

3 bottles of wine a day??

Well I doubt you'd have to put up with them for long, have they had liver checks done?

I probably would to be honest, depending on which annoying relative. Could probably cope with my conspiracy theorist cousin, I'd just ignore him. No fucking way to my evil alcoholic aunt who made my childhood a misery and now also suffers from dementia.

I'm assuming this is your MIL?

It’s really not if they’re in their 50s tanking three bottles of wine a day. Most people would be catatonic from that. Can’t actually imagine they can stop without medical ramifications at this point.

No money in the world would be worth bringing someone into your home. I would work extra hours before I would do it.

How do you know it’s that amount of alcohol? The alcoholics that I have known have all lied about consumption.

They won't necessarily stay in their annex when they are pissed and their judgement goes out the window. They'll wander out and embarrass the kids in front of their friends and god knows what else. Living with an addict leaves a child with a feeling of never having steady ground beneath their feet. Always being on high alert. And it does untold damage that is worth no amount of money.

The only way I'd even consider this is if you can sell your house too and buy somewhere with a granny annexe. But I'd hate to do this and think it would risk divorce. Once you have the money you can't unwind it.

Sounds like an absolute nightmare. If they want to reduce their drinking then why haven’t they so far? If they plan to just give you a lump sum then surely it would mean no entitlement to benefits if either of you lost your jobs. It might be judged as deprivation of assets if they themselves needed care (perhaps more likely with alcohol involved)
What is their motivation for suggesting this? Care needs, loneliness, perhaps someone to bring them their booze when then can’t manage it. In short not in a million years!