Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

There used to be a place solely for heroin addicts...which then began to take on alcoholics.

One of the addicts said '' What is is with all these bloody alcoholics...Bring back the junkies..'' He found the alcoholics were much harder to be around.

Alcohol...a fully legal but deadly drug.

Not if social services views it as deprivation of assets it’s not.

If the parent is already showing signs of dementia, then it will almost certainly meet the threshold of deprivation of assets. There is no time limit on that. If at the point of giving away money (particularly such a large amount) there is an indication (other than just age) that care will be needed in the future, then the box is ticked, whether the care is provided a year later or 20 years later.

The council is entitled to her medical record, and given the present state of council funding, these days they go through them with a fine-toothed comb. If the GP has recorded any memory loss (plus, presumably, the alcoholism) the council will come after that £300k.

Can they do child care, dog care? Can another sibling in law have them for 6 weeks holiday a year?
Can you give it say 10 years and save a big sum to do what you like with?

How old is your DS? Would it help to have money saved to buy him a home when needed?

Can you fit a high end garden room in your garden, plumbed in etc, for you to get peace and quiet when needed?

Can they do child care, dog care?
Whaaaat?
I wouldn't leave a "functioning" alcoholic in charge of a kettle!

Yeah, I read a couple of comments about this after I posted. I don't know much about this. If they lived for over 7 years would that still be the case?

No, I couldn’t let them move in. Do you have the room?

Could it be possible to use the 300k to buy a house with an annexe, so you could support but with separation?

Yes. As I said in my post above, there is no time limit for deprivation of assets.

It's inheritance tax that has the seven year rule. NOT deprivation of assets.

Seven years is falsely mentioned on in this site for DoA all the time. It does my head in.

It would be a no from me; you can't put a price on your sanity

@saraclara thanks for that info 👍. Not that I'm in this situation, but it's nice to learn something new.

Absolutely not. I could get twice that if I allowed my mother to move in and wouldn't.

Over 50s apartment near you

There's a similar thread in 30 days only at the moment from a daughter who's further down the line of this with her mum, not yet 50. Maybe go have a read of that together.

Buy house with an annex.
Separate living space on same grounds.

Unfortunately I am in that situation! My mum's stroke was 16 years ago. She died a few months ago. And the council is already making their approach.

Fortunately this isn't a suprise, as I was aware of the legalities. I'm just waiting to see how determined they're going to be about a gift that's in a kind of grey area.

Ah I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that it is resolved in your favour.

I knew about the 7 year limit on inheritance tax, but that is only because I've stumbled across that info when I've been researching what I'll do with my imaginary lotto win.

Thank you.

And you made me laugh about inheritance tax and the lottery win. That's exactly the kind of thinking that I do about MY lottery win!

Could you build a separate annexe with the £300k - giving family member (and you) independence but adding value to your property ?

We are looking at my PIL moving in with us. But to do that, we've been clear that we will be moving to a larger home with space for them to have a bedroom, wet room and lounge for their needs. We will also have a second lounge and family bathroom.

In your shoes, I would be encouraging downsizing and moving closer, but if you're not planning on moving to a property that has 'granny annexe' facilities, not a chance would I be sharing with them. Particularly if they're a functioning alcoholic. The effect this might have on your DS needs to be considered as well.

Not a chance in hell! If they are only in their 50's they could live for another 40 odd years. Surely their money would also mean they have a claim on your house which might get used for care needs? What about when their physical and mental care needs increase? How are you going to manage that. As a compromise look in sheltered housing near to you.

We can all see this has disaster written all over it OP, but we're not you, trapped between guilt if we don't do it and resentment if we do!
However, my sense from what you say is that this person is locked on a self-destruct trajectory, if you let them hitch their wagon to yours they surely will take you down with them🤷🏼‍♀️

That's 10-15k a year for 20-30 years of misery. Get a few pay rises or new jobs instead!

Sell the house and buy one with a self contained annex - they're not allowed in your part of the house unless invited, but at least they're nearby if they need help or care at some point. That's the only way I'd entertain it I'm afraid. It's not much of a return for their £300k though!

There is no amount of money that can make up for the loss of a peaceful, happy household. No amount at all.

Absolutely not! I had a functioning alcoholic stay for a couple of nights and that was more than enough. I love them dearly which made it absolutely awful to witness. Please don’t do it to your child.