Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

I'm 74 and so far in good health. I could be around for another twenty years without straining anybody's imagination. DH is almost 82 and his mother lived to be 97 so the same could apply to him. Do you want this annoying relative with you for another forty years? And possibly end up nursemaiding him or her at the end, when you may be in your 60s yourself?

They are only in their 50's so absolutely not! For £3m yes £300k not a chance!

I was going to say '20 years'? What about if it's thirty, forty years? What about if this person then needs personal care, develops alcoholic dementia?

There are not enough no's in the world for this.

No chance.

No way your lives would never be the same you will be constantly on edge waiting for something awful to happen. Could FM move closer to you and pay for help as and when needed. Living with an alcoholic is harrowing and a catastrophic mistake which will end in tears. Help if you must but keep your distance. More to life than money however tempting.

Wouldn't want an alcoholic round my kids, and no guarantee they would 'reduce' it just because they're living with you.

Absolutely no way.

A functional alcoholic could quickly become a non-functional alcoholic and your lives will be hell.

OP I agree with @SnowSnow The ££’s are attractive- no doubt at all. Especially @ that level. But I did similar with a relative ( for no money- just school pick-ups - I paid all household expenses ), and similarly -relative a boozer so I wanted to help out with her loneliness - it was a disaster and had to cut it short abruptly.

I would agree tho with a previous poster that for the pooled resource - depending on where you live - you could work on an alternative housing arrangement. Like an annexe. Keep an eye on the legal aspects meanwhile and put everything into contract. Best of luck!

Read the thread. The relative is an alcoholic. No amount of money would be enough to deal with the shit that’s going to cause. £300,000 will go a lot further staying with a relative as opposed to going into a care home.

And this relative is planning for when they go from functioning alcoholic to non functioning. Shitting/peeing themselves, personal hygiene gone to rat shit, vomiting everywhere, falling over and hurting themselves to the point of hospital admission. Not to mention the absolute shit storm when the alcohol consumption starts to have serious effects on their health, resulting in frequent hospital admissions and care services involved.

£300,000 sounds a lot of money until you realise they are only in their fifties. Our alcoholic relative was in their sixties, took out equity on their home and managed to spend £60,000 on booze in less than ten years. If OP is expected to pay for the booze at the rate of three bottles of wine a day that’s at least £20 a day. Not to mention nearly 200 alcohol units a week, which is suicidal.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t entertain this either. When care is required (and it will be - sooner than you think given the alcohol consumption) the LA will give you the bare minimum ‘because family’. Just not.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Then what?

And when they need full time care, along come social services and accuse your relative of deprivation of assets, and try to take your home away from you to cover care fees.

The two don’t go together. Adult social care would regard the plan to move in and give OP £300.000 as deprivation of assets which could have been used for care the relative would reasonably have expected to incur given the circumstances.

Would you move them in given the alcohol problems ? A three bottle of wine alcohol habit is far more than pesky or irritating, trust me.

Can you add the relative's 300k to your own funds and buy somewhere with an annex/room for an extension or even convert a garage so they can have their own living area with kitchen and bathroom facilities? Obviously it depends where you live and how much you would have in total after selling your current home. Tell them it is important for them and for you that they continue living as independently as possible. It wouldn't need to mean they were completely banned from your part of the house but would give them and you personal space when needed. If the relative has been living independently until now, it will be as hard for them to be in your space 24/7 as it will for you.

you Could take the money pay off the mortgage and go off on a year long holiday… quick before they spend it on alcohol!

The equity would be added to relatives’ contribution. If they needed full time care the OP would be liable for that as the LA would likely claim deliberate deprivation of assets.

Terrible idea, there is no 'reducing' - only in the mind of the alcoholic. Also the fantasy of how it could all be lovely moving in with a family unit, using the family tie as a noose. Safeguarding red flag for your son, they spend the money on rehab and treatment and housing themselves. Stay safe and sane and away. Good luck

@L4815 They annoy you.
It's small terrace.

THEY ARE AN ALCOHOLIC.

No...Absolutely not.

It will be a disaster.

Let them live nearby, but not on top of you.

Don’t do it.
functioning alcoholic will become less and less functioning alcoholic. Expect you to clean up after them, live with them at the centre of everything and they take over your lives by being a constant concern. He/she will probably expect you to be grateful for the money for ever.
And they last for what seems like forever too.at least 20 years I was told and it was!
In my experience alcoholics are incredibly selfish. Awful to live with. Lazy, idle, smelly and rude.
They become the centre of your life. Ruin everything.
definitely don’t do it.

No! Being annoyed in your own home is the worst. I'd only do it if I had a completely separate part of the house they could live in - own cooking and washing facilities. Even nice people would annoy me because I can't keep up a 'nice' front all the time.

In fact my (very nice) mil stayed with us for two extended periods between flat moves. She kept herself to herself and cooked (heated ready meals) separately but I felt guilty that she did that and felt it was because of me.

Absolutely not , 300k will not be worth the stress of living with someone who drinks 3 bottles of wine a day. It won't be long until its a case of wine a day. Don't draw that hassle on yourself.

No, not for all the tea in China. And for squeezing an alcoholic into a standard terrace I'd need more than that!

For that money they could get a round the clock supported living! Xx

No bloody way!